by Millsy
You painted a perfect illustration of the fuck scene in the end. Visualizing each stroke, squeeze, lick and insertion! Great writing skills.
Love this story. Just got back from the gym and this was the perfect read for me. I see others disliked the fat shaming but I found it perfectly tuned to the character. Also, as a former fatty, I would never have gotten back to being fit as I am without somebody fat shaming me so I support it. Keep up the great work.
school gyms π€€πππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππ
I gave up halfway through the first page because of the disgusting fat-shaming language. It's fine to construct your character as someone that isn't attracted to larger partners but it's completely unnecessary to criticise plus-sized people in that way.
I'd love to have been in the gym the next time they both arrived for a ' workout' !!!!
The storyβs good
Too much adjective burdened 5 syllable complicated meaningless words and phrases
KISS
simple
Simple
Simply Sweet and simple.
I loved it when she called him βhoneyβ. Sweet
This story reminded me of Paul Harvey News. Some ordinary piece of life sounded like interesting news the way he told it.
A trip with this author will likely be interesting no matter what the destination.
The writing in this story certainly backs up his "highly literate" boast on his Biography page.
Loved the on-target comment of Anonymous 12-20-14 about commenters "using misogyny label as a cover for objecting to reality."
So, TrollTure thinks THIS is "VERY wordy"???? Hunh. Let him try the 8-page Pleaure Upon Request by pseudonym2005. I just read it. It makes Gym Lad seem succinct. Furthermore, even though the
destination (plot) was good, unlike Gym Lad, the trip (writing) was not nearly as interesting.
That was disappointing; this was satisfying.
First Millsy story.
Not the last.
Paul in Oklahoma
But VERY wordy! I was about to give up halfway through. That limits the score to 3*.
It might have been good, but I couldn't get past all the fat shaming. Too bad
Very witty and hot story.
Like other 'fat chicks' I was a bit sorry you used your wit so well on BBWs, although I can see the temptation. A little sympathy wouldn't have gone amiss - it's tough to stay off chocolate and processed whipped cream in the girl world. Your early account of the gym shows how intimidating it can be to try to go and get fit.
I liked how you depicted Sian, you showed that even her perfectly fit body is despised by some men and how gym lad's intelligence doesn't score highly compared to his skinny physique either. It's tough in the dating game for everyone.
The characters and descriptions of the gym work were realistic and the sex was great!
But there's no anticipation; when the sex happens it just happens. It's on to the final act without any gentleness. No touching for the first time. No removing clothes step by step. No building desire. All of a sudden there's a volcano. So much opportunity for increasing eroticism that's missed.
loved the comedy and they chars where well written.
those who read the beginning and bailed missed a good story.
Very well written. I really liked the way it's written makes you grow fond of the characters. and I'll admit to liking how.. er.. generous.. he is with giving her head.
Loved it! But another vote for ignoring the fatties that are using the misogyny label as a cover for objecting to reality. Great story, believable characters and good build to a finish.
A nice, refreshing story. Definitely enjoyed the humor. Ignore the fat chicks complaining about "misogyny".
Got through half a page before I decided to click to comments and go elsewhere. What a self-pitying, over-blown, misogynistic arse. I've no doubt it's well-written. In what I read, the mechanics were well above average, but it's impossible for me to get into a story with such a repulsive personality as protagonist.
Excellent story and masterfully written. Loved the characters and thoroughly enjoyed their interaction. Thanks!
I knew a woman like that once, a true hardbody that I found intoxicating, but... I didn't have the balls to do anything about it. Still, a pleasant memory.
I found your use of humour very refreshing.
I liked the changes that were in this story. First he was love-struck and shy. then he was respectful and awestruck. I liked that they started giving each other some shit. If that doesn't happen, it isn't real enough. The last Sian line was fantastic: "Because," Sian smiled as she turned to me and kissed me. "If you neglect to then I will kill you."
I love stories that take their time and build up to the sex ... well written and leaves you anticipating!
Such fun & also so hot & lusty. It sounded quite realistic with just aht bit of exaggeration to make it really steamy!
Agreed, great as it is but would love to see the following days and other private workouts or sneaky stuff during open hours.
Great story, plenty of detail but not over loaded with it. Just wish you do a chapter starting from where they wake and going forward. Also would love to see if they keep relationship secret for awhile or let everyone find out as they see them together. Also see if they a sweep stakes about the getting together going from everyone on the gym. You left plenty of room to still write, please do so it is a great story so far.
sexy! i wish i was the guy! i wonce fucked my gf so hard her bed split in half and then her parents caame in. but they didnt yell at me they just said.we could continue fucking in the guest bedroom.