All Comments on 'He Cums At Aunt Jan's Party Ch. 01'

the story has promise but man there are so many spelling mistakes and misplaced words it is hard to read!

Deanna became danielle???

you really should have proofread this a few more times before submiting it.

good luck on future stories.

.., learn how to spell, get a dictionary, get an imagination & get a life, f'god's sake. This story had a chance but you killed it off, pretty DAMN quick!

I couldn't quite make it past the first page. The grammar, spelling and word use errors were awful, the "plot" was okay, except for the endlessly needless details that simply bogged the story down (who cares what they ate at every meal, or how much a sex toy was) and drags the reader out of their immersion. I should have known from the assurance in the intro (you'll like this story!) that it would end up being poorly done. The concept itself has a modicum of potential, but you desperately need an editor, or at the very least to proofread and check over your own work.

I liked the story, but you have to proofread before you send it in. I read your other stories and they had the same problem. Even if you used Word to spell and grammar check it would have been better than what it was. Overall I liked the story but it was frustrating to read with the name change and spelling/grammatical errors.

Normally, I'm one of the guys that tries to hedge the author away from the grammar police. But this one needs alot more than just a simple spell-check. What was the chick's name you were supposedly titty-fucking? Danielle or Deanna? And that's a glaring error for any reader of fiction to have a character named one thing, then another in the middle of action. I wish you the best of luck, but please, use a spell-checker, and if you can, get an anonymous editor to help you with the subtleties of grammar.

You really need to proof read your work before publishing it.

So many goofs it became annoying to read.