All Comments on 'Heaven Ch. 01'

Loved it. Can't wait to read next chapter

There's so little character development because most of the effort by the writer is on the casualness of the sex being offered & taken. Since the sex is so cavalierly displayed and shared, its importance level is low. As for caring about the people in the story, I couldn't care less if the bus to Heaven rolled over in a ditch causing the riders to be crushed to death before orgasming.

Now, before anyone reminds me of the author's warning concerning the casual nature of the sex, yes I do remember it, however, it does not absolve the writer of his/her duty to make sure we care about the plot, and character development.

Simply put, the story is too casual for me to care.

One star.

Robert T.

Canada

Make that happen, maybe?

About as hot as an ice cube...................................

As others noted, the casual nature of the sex was a bit off-putting in terms of storyline. I think you could have easily gotten away with nixing almost all of the sex on the bus and just implying that she'd gotten her rocks off a few times during the trip. The real attraction here is the incest and you honestly should have focused more on that. But, more importantly, you should focus on character development. A two-paragraph prologue isn't enough to draw us in; we'll need more to maintain our interest. Keep in mind that most of us are pretty jaded already, having read tons of incest lit porn by now. If you want our attention, you're gonna hafta knock our socks off!

I gave it 3 stars because I DO see the potential in this story. Your technical skill as a writer is solid; continue writing so that you can polish your skills as a storyteller.

All the events leading up to arriving home were the best parts. Please continue the story

If you don't like this fetish then fine, find another story to jack off to instead of trying to bully the author into quitting this one. This chapter was short but this idea has a lot of potential. Very few people write about this fetish (the only other story like this I know of being The Law by Chaos Muramasa on Hentai Foundry). Please don't stop on account of the hateful comments.

Contradictory to what i saw for the comments i liked the casual sex idea and belive that you should continue with that and posiblly make it more erotic

I've been looking forward to this story since you mentioned it at the end of Cumrag. It's looking good so far.

I do hope you set up some sort of story arc for the main character, though. The best thing about Cumrag was watching their morals decline and degradation increase with each fresh chapter. It made each new chapter feel like an escalation on the last, which left me wanting more.

You're a great writer. Looking forward to chapter 2!

I look forward to everything you write.

Pros: Each Chapter is decently long, and always run into at least a second page.

Cons: Each Chapter is not infinitely long.

Pros: New releases are made fairly regularly, without absurd wait times.

Cons: There are wait times.

Pros: Fantastically written and... motivating.

Cons: Other stories by other writers are never good enough anymore. :(

Awesome fantasy! Though admit to not being the biggest incest fan I absolutely love these kinds of causal sex stories and how to see more form ya.

My what a wonderful place to visit. Had to stroke my cock as I read.

I loved this story! I really love this casual sex concept!

It`s already one of my favorites!

I actually like the casual sex angle, I'm just finding it hard to imagine why a person would need to get married other than to call dibs on the hottest person to have babies with.

When you change social norms so significantly, it makes sense to change the social structures just as significantly to go along with it. I think it's much more likely that groups of friends would form that would be the main sex partners for each person, while they have some sex outside of that.

I really liked the casual sex angle. It is a very interesting take and refreshingly different from the drawn out romance style stories. I like both genres, though. I look forward to reading more of your offerings. You have a flair.

I read moving-in-with-my-brother before starting this and that was too far out in left field for me. I read half of the first page of this story and that did it for me. This story doesn't do anything for me either. Sorry, I'm gone.

The old fart.

I got through half of the first chapter and lost interest. Just too far out in fantasy land for me.

Reading this story makes me want to find a place like this. It would be properly named "Heaven". I only wish that there was a place like this. I believe that if sex was treated like it is in this story then the world would be a better place because of it.

Love the story. Love the concept. Very glad you featured her bare feet cum between her toes. Keep up the good work!