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Click hereLinda looks at Michael smitten as he apologizes. She yells, "have a great weekend," as she watches him leave with glossed over eyes, surprised to see him give Jan a kiss on the cheek.
Jan looks at Linda smiling. "Well? It seems the meeting went well?"
"How long have you known him?" Linda asks sinking in her seat sighing. Janet mouth gapes and she puts a hand to her chest. "It's obvious, nice try."
Janet chuckles, "A little over a year, Rick told me about him and his record. Rick decided to invite Michael over against my wishes. I was mad, however after one evening with Michael, I understood why Rick did what he did. Michael is a good person, and great with the kids. He even baby-sits."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"What, that he baby sits?" Jan asked tilting her head, "You don't have children why would I?"
"No, that you knew him." Linda sneers light hearted.
"I didn't know he was coming in until you told me. It wouldn't have mattered. Why?"
"I don't know. Maybe you could have warned me." Linda puts her hands up to her face groaning. "What am I going to tell Cathy?"
"Warned you? What is there to warn you about?" Janet frowns, "Did he do, or say something wrong?
"No, he's perfect. Cathy told me he was different, but I wasn't expecting perfect. He's great." Linda moans in frustration, "What am I going to tell her?"
Jan looks puzzled, but has a good idea what Linda's feeling. "You've known her all your life. You both tell each other everything, don't stop now. Just talk to her."
"I know I will, and... I know how she is going to react. I am not looking forward to our little inquisition.
*****
Part two next
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 10 years agoThat other anonymous has it wrong. There's a lot of subtle character description; you have to pay attention as you're reading, to the dialogue within which is included discussion and description of the other characters. And I also think there's a lot of good description that's not-so-subtle, that the other anonymous hadn't picked up on.
Really great dialogue, too.
Terrific story! I'm looking forward to reading the next part.
FA_JFover 10 years agoRealistic characters and situations. The mystery of his past is a good hook. Look forward to more.
Anonymousover 10 years agoTantalizing start. Anxious for more. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful story.
Anonymousover 10 years agook so he has wit,carm,and good looks . other than that you told very little
about what he really is or what he did. women go crazy around him. you told that
ideal several times,even a ten year old. ok we understand he is every girls dream.
so move on with the tale.
Overstarover 10 years agoThe story seems to be building nicely, though it could stand to be a little bit more even. It felt slow in spots then like it was going forward too fast in others. It's not standard in writing to use present tense as much as you do, but you're consistent about it, a fact that helps keep the flow even.
Your breaking up the flow of the story with mistakes in the use of quotation marks. You're also hurting the quality of the story by leaving internal dialogue unmarked. It's hard, sometimes, to tell that you've flipped to a character's thoughts without there being something to indicate right away that they are the character's thoughts. The most common way writers note internal dialogue is with italics. It helps the reader to recognize the switch right away, keeping the flow of the story moving the way you want.
I'm looking forward to seeing the next chapters of the story. Thanks for sharing.
Anonymousover 10 years agoI want to know what he pleaded guilty to.
I want to know more about how the best friend relationship will change/alter.
I want to know what happens next.
I want to read more!
Jen
huntredover 10 years agosome minor mistakes but the builiding up of the story is very awesome.
Anonymousover 10 years agoVERY flat and boring, I also had trouble with the Linda/Michael and Cathy/Michael thing.
