All Comments on 'His First Party'

Just read your very last sentence....why did you put "women" when you are referring to Dolora, obviously a "woman"???

Good basic story, but hindered by frequent spelling and syntax mistakes!!

Good start to a story. Zia is likable even though "he" has no personality. I'd like to see more of her and Delora, and "he" can sit in the corner. But the proofreading or lack thereof detracts from a promising start. To be a writer means practising your craft with respect for your language. If you don't care enough about your work to do it properly, why should the rest of us care, however good a story you have to tell?

I have been long taught that women are superior to men and the role of men ist to be subject to a woman's whims at all times.

If that means spanking, paddling, or whipping, then that is the right of the superior woman.

jbilove

I had just really gotten in to this chapter when it was all over,.. ALL over, you haven't written any more, this is the end. Leaving him excited and waiting, ...