All Comments on 'Howling on the Beach'

I think this would work nicely as an extended synopsis rather than a story...

There are too many gaping holes in the storyline for me to truly enjoy it, but I do like the thought that it could be embellished and expanded upon to create a more rounded story that captures both main characters personalities.

Also,I got lost as to how the clerk knew Blades' name...

i thought it was really good, but i would have liked a little backstory between them and why blade became a rogue. and how does she know about werewolves? you should make it a series

I agree with the other comments I loved this story but there too many things missing. I hope your planning on making more chapters for this story I would really like to know what happens to them and learn more about their past and learn more about them.

Ok, I like the characters alot. You seem to do a good job of bringing their personalities out. I'd have liked to know something about how they met. I think you could overall slow down the story and let it develop more fully. I liked the beautiful imagery that you create by giving lots of details. You describe the spray hitting her and the waves crashing around him as he comes from the water. The scene of them making love is beautiful b/c you sense the inexperience behind his desire to make it good for her.

The part that didn't seem right for me was when she starts talking about shifters like she knows all about them. That makes no sense to me. She doesn't even say wrong facts that are believed in modern society. She seems to know about rogues and how he needs to be in a pack and all this stuff. It just seemed off for me. Why did she know all about a creature that doesn't exist for humans? It should have been him describing what he was and how that would affect her.

When he talks of a pack threatening to kill him, I wanted to know why they did. How did he know she was his mate? How did he find her? Was it by chance? Is anyone able to become his mate or was it fate that it would be her? What will happen to her? You mention her thinking she'll be scratched, but I'd have liked him to say if it was possible to change her and how. What it would mean to be a shifter. Would she age normally, would she live longer? If he could control his change, then why would she have to 'walk' him?

I would recommend getting an editor who can point out where the story can be developed, as well as giving minor corrections in grammar and spelling. I would go slower and tell the story more fully. Keep with giving detailed descriptions b/c that brought the story alive for me Keep writing.

You need an editor if you are going to continue this story or write any others. You have way too many plot holes or errors in continuity.

How did the clerk know his name?

More importantly, Where did the condom go?

Like the other commentors I agree you need an editor, your general story is interesting but right from the off its off-putting when you (as a reader) have to figure out the obviously missed mistakes... For example.

1) "Hey V," a soothing masculine coaxed.

A soothing masculine what? murmur, tone, voice.....etc

2) His hair was dark brown, along with his eyes, and sometimes curled.

His eyes curled is how I first read this!!

3) Before finishing with Blade I yearned to feel him inside me.

So what I get here is Vanessa is planning to end their relationship, what already?

4) He lapped at my womb.

She's a virgin, he would have a barrier to contend with before he gets anywhere near her womb, lapped at her juices mayby but not her womb at this point.

5) "Listen Blade, You seem like a nice...ETC ETC

How does the clerk know his name?

Ok I know I'm harsh and I'm no expert but these little errors spoiled it for me, which is a shame.

Slow it down, find an editor and a spot reader and you will have a more polished story for us to read and enjoy.

PB

So, phoenixb, you also mentioned a hymen in your comments...

Somethin that really annoys me, is the inaccuracy that people in general (not specifically anyone here, I am not pointing fingers I promise,) write about is in regards to the hymen. It is not internal, it is external!

I just noticed it pointed out and am so sick of incorrect details being written that I am posting details from Gray's Anatomy as well as the yahoo link so here is the address where you can find the info, http://education.yahoo.com/reference/gray/subjects/subject/270

And here are ther specific details:

The hymen is a thin fold of mucous membrane situated at the orifice of the vagina; the inner edges of the fold are normally in contact with each other, and the vaginal orifice appears as a cleft between them. The hymen varies much in shape. When stretched, its commonest form is that of a ring, generally broadest posteriorly; sometimes it is represented by a semilunar fold, with its concave margin turned toward the pubes.

Thank you all so much for your feedback. Looking over it (stupidly), I realized that my iPad has the finalized version. In that version, the condom was shredded, because a canine phallus (penis) is obviously larger than a human's phallus. There is a sequel, however, is still being worked on. I wish this could be edited while submitted! Its been a long time since I worked with this genre, so buckle up! :)

Okay, I don't care about any of the mistakes, this was one of the best I've ever read.

good readability or great editing ......I wish there was more

Stephen J

So they used a condom, but he still came inside her? And her cervix is now right at the opening rather than the back of the vagina? Also she gave him oral but never noticed a baseball sized knot on his dick?