All Comments on 'I Never Saw It Coming'

This story had all the right elements: it had tension, conflict, angst, revenge and even acts of synchronicity.

In most cheating wife stories I’m left wondering about the motivation of the wife. Here we have one of the few times where ‘neediness’ is used as a basis for infidelity… and surprisingly it works exceptionally well. I felt that no further elaboration by the wife was required.

You can feel the husband’s rage, his need to balance the scales, to ensure that both parties pay. You can identify with the character even though we know very little that describes him as a person.

In fact, not a single character is given a physical description. We don’t know if the wife is tall or short, thin or curvaceous. She might be a redhead, a blonde or a brunette. Each character is developed strictly based upon their actions in relation to the husband.

This technique gives the story a richer character development.

I especially liked the idea of an accident eliminating Bob, although the ex-wife was led to believe it was murder. It took some courage on the part of the author to add that element.

I recall another story where the husband kills the wife’s lover then later confesses to her when confronted. She asks if she is next and he merely nodes his head. Later in the story she commits suicide. While the writing was good, her death ruined the entire tone of the story.

If there is one thing I would quibble about it’s the lack of emotion by the ex-wife after her husband’s death. She expresses feeling at the funeral but later only seems to care for her share of the former marital home. I would have expected her concern to carry through to the end of the story. That would have been in keeping with what we knew of her to that point.

Good story weak ending.

The wife skates scott free???

There has to be another chapter, to round out this story, otherwise why would you say, in the earlier part of the story, that he wished for three things to happen too her. The way it is now there is no ending, because he has not got his children back.

Hoping there is another chapter to tie up the loose ends!! Please don't pull a JPB on us and Leave us here!! Did the wife go crazy. Did he vet the kids back as he planned throughout your story. All his actions were to get the kids and you leave it out of the ending. Totally JPB style I'd writing. Love your stories and this one is no different

S,

When I was young, as I grew older and now over 55, I still could not believe what people do to each other. Parents and their children, brothers and sisters and the most hurtful Husbands and Wives. People in Love do the worst to each other, they die over Love.

Death: sorrow, pain, anger, guilt then acceptance of loss. The pain passes.

Divorce: children, betrayal, anger, pain, revenge or reconciliation? Children you Love. The pain, anger, loss of esteem, embarrassment the stigma stays. The Children, the hurt, the pain and still there forever, the regret.

Death: you bury it and visit the grave.

Divorce: you live with it forever and die with it, daily. To kill what or who stole their life is the same in every persons heart. Some just do something about it.

Slirpuff, he put his children first. You said, and he did.

Great writing. Just not much room for an ending. It doesn't.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

But what I'dike to blow about is those so called friends. I've had such friends.. I thimk he should have gotten revenge againt thoes fuck wads also.

Catering to the scorched earth crowd? Fishing for high scores from dickwads? Stories like this are one in five hundred. The author wrote this because he wanted to, I doubt that he was catering to anybody. If you were paying attention you would know exactly why he wrote this story. Take the sick feeling you have in the pit of your stomach and go read about a wife who has gotten away with it, I'm sure that will make you feel better. If not maybe Slirpuff will let one of us dickwads borrow the beamer. And it's still a good story.

I was very impressed with your story. I'll admitt that I like revenge tales but most follow a simple pattern. Your story portrayed a husband who was pushed over the edge by his wife and her boyfriend. I missed him not completing his project to drive his ex mad, but he's working on it.

All and all it was a great read.

Thanks for occupying my evening.

Mendon

Great story. Too bad Kathy didn't get AIDS from Bob and die

As always, one of the things I've always liked about Slirpuff's stories is that you can never really pidgeon-hole him. Some stories have been moving, some have made you think, some have looked at more than the typical, she-done-him-wrong plot. But some of them are just flat out hard cold tales of men who have been pissed on and can't stand it.

He did a great story about a guy consumed with rage at the three men that fucked his wife while he was tied down. It wasn't very morally uplifting, but it conveyed as well as anything I've ever read the overpowering anger that can twist a man 's soul. This is anohter example of the same kind of story. Maybe in a different life, this guy could have lived with what his wife did and maybe they could somehow have gotten back together again. He's a good enough writer to have made it work. But that wasn't the story he was writing this time.

As I have said before, I'm usually a reconciliation-favoring writer, but this one offered a really good example of torch-the-bitch at its best. I'll agree the ending sucked, but, you can't have everything. Overall, another good story.

to see one of the better writers now catering to the "scorch the Earth" crowd. Sure, the crap from some posters gets to a writer, I am sure. But fishing for high scores from dickwads?

Naw.

But even though the "hero" in this tale is wronged, the reactions of hate, death, destruction? Burning down houses secretly in the dark?

That is the act of a coward.

Come on. Not much of a man to sneak around and do something like that. Then gloat over a death, and make threats of death to the mother of his children? This reader finds a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Man up, Slirpuf. Write what you want, not what you are told to, you are better when you do. This is barely average.

Until the last three paragraphs. What Happen????????.

In fact, I thought the ending was just great. All the loose ends were tied up quite nicely. Thanks so much for a believable loving wives tale. If I could have had it my way, he would have been the one driving the car that killed old Bob; at least the cheating bitch thought he was. Five stars!

That he is using up his life as he is. He is just like many men who get shit on... bitter and revengeful. I wonder if... Ok, I won't say it. Maybe that's my cue to start writing a story.

Thanks for a well written catalyst.

Awesome ... great story of treachery and payback, I feel all warm and fuzzy now. As for they criticisms of the self proclaimed poofter Knob-N-bobber, the only despicable characters were the whore wife and the manwhore she ran off with. You recognize that if you were packing any testosterone. I mean really, any man or woman jilted and fucked over should feel as angry as our hero did, but as any amateur student of human behavior knows... Men tend to fight in a physical manner a And women tend to fight in a social manner of attack. Personally I've never harmed my wife physically or even yelled at her for that matter, but i can imagine that if she ambushed me in the way the wife in the story did all bets and civilized behavior ate off. Now if approached in a fair way after the marriage circles the drain I could conceivably divorce amicably. But any piece of shot bottom feeder anywhere near her and my kids before dissolution, or soon thereafter, well that's a different matter. Vengeance can be found in all sorts of non-lethal forms. Any guy with intact balls understands this ... Knob-n-bobber,... Despicable my ass. The only other weak and perhaps despicable characters are the neighbors who saw and kept quiet, not real friends at all. Again, great story Mr. S !!

Loved the story and how the ex husband handled everything. Keep on writing.

Run for your lives. Fuckin' A. He exercised his rights as a human being, it has nothing to do with the law. The right to get even or close to it. It's terrible that this fine man had to spend a few months at the Hilton. I think duels should be legal. Twenty paces and let it fly. Hank the contractor was right, the men would have thought he was a hero, the women not so much. He gave them all something to think about. I wonder how many good men have to visit the cage because of a cheating bitch every day. I know a few like Steve, this one hit close to home. I LOVED IT.

Just a couple of things on this story. As others have mentioned, the ending did seem to come pretty quickly. I didn't see it coming.

And I really don't think that it would be a very good idea to have the kids live with their old man. Unfortunately, his bitch of an ex-wife has filled him with so much anger and hate, that I wonder if it would be a healthy environment for the kids to be in. Hell, he plans to sandbag his ex-wife on selling the house just so he can stay in the neighborhood to work on making her crazy. No doubt that she shit on him, but to me the longer he eats himself up with hate, she continues to win. He needs to man up and get on with his life. His kids need him to do that. Let his ex-wife live with the choices that she made and with what is left of her life.

Thanks Slirpuff for an entertaining story! We will look forward to your next.

always a treat to read one of your stories. like justice renhquist i feel the ending was abrupt. i hope you revisit this tale and fix that oversight.

a good torch the bitch tale.

It's always good to read something from one of the truly great writers, in this type of story. I too would love to know what happened next, but I loved the story, the characters and I don't think he was extreme at all.

Kudos.

A page turner from beginning to end!

Can't end a story? You have written very well in the past. And the general story is your normal excellent self. Finish this one.

Good Read. Enjoyed it! More soon?

Always enjoy your style of narrative. Like how you put your plot together. Do not have the same intensity about fidelity that you do. When it happened to me it felt horrible but I came to feel it was about her not me. I did want her controlling me in any way. He gave up months of his life to Karen. The dumb ass.To do what Steve did wpuld be giving up my control to her if I focused on her at all. I will say though that Steve is one of your most despicable characters and most dislikable. Still I always read your stories first. You are a good writer.

Better than that fantasy of a cement truck rear-ending the happy couple into a tractor trailer at a red light when you are on vacation with your kids.

It's about time we heard from you again!!

Enjoyed your story, but thought the end was abrupt. I also thought Steve's character was extreme, but who knows what private thoughts exist in a persons mind. I'm sure we all have a few black thoughts.

I liked the story. Yeah, the guy is nasty and overly vindictive. He's not that likable. Some people are like that. To be fair his jail problems were mostly his own fault. He lost his temper big time. Yeah, his wife and Bob are assholes. You don't get to try to kill someone. I find it a little thin when he says he wouldn't kill his wife because he didn't want to go back to prison. Duh, setting someone's house on fire wouldn't get you sent back to prison? I like the way he uses psychological warfare on his wife. He says just the right things that are not legally threatening but scary. As others have commented, the ending is extremely abrupt. He meets a gal he can trust and he is now going to behave himself. Poof. All the anger he has doesn't disappear that quickly. The ending needed the care and development that the rest of the story had.

Having practiced divorce law for 20+ years, I've seen more than my share of husbands like the protagonist here. In short, they are husbands so consumed with their hatred that they simply can't move on. Though a bit over the top, you've done a masterful job of portraying that husband's overwhelming and all-consuming anger. Unlike most of the commenters, though, I find his anger sad. It's sad because he doesn't move on until he's wasted yet a few more years being pissed off at the woman on whom he's already done with. But that's from the POV of someone who sees it every day.

Regardless of whether you find the husband's anger proper or sad, though, there is no doubting that this is a very, very well-written story. Your past few stories have really begun tightening up the dialogue, and that just gives the overall product a much brighter shine. I agree with PostScriptor that the ending was a bit abrupt--maybe you could've used the new relationship to show how his anger gradually melted--but that is really getting away from the them of the story and may have actually hurt it. I'd really need to think on that more.

Either way, you know it's a good day when you see something new by Slirpuff, and this latest installment was outstanding even by his (now even loftier) standards.

A very good story that is well written and edited. The story has a nice pace and held my interest through out.

Just a very nicely presented story.

Thanks for the good read.

The story was fine - lots of fun - until the ending. Sorry, but it was if the author either 1.) got too bored to continue and think out an ending, or 2.) just couldn't think of any other nasty things to do to the wife, so he had to wrap it up in the next two paragraphs! I mean, after all, he spent more words on the first post-divorce woman than he did on this woman at the end, who he thinks may be his next big relationship.

Or, in the words of the author: the ending was so abrupt, that I never saw it coming! lol.

Slirpuff, please take this in the spirit it is being given - trying to help you make your stories even stronger. And thanks for taking the time to write them and share them with us.

One of my pet peeves is that so many stories write about the wimp husband of the husband and wife who can out the past behind them and move on. I real life, I don't know of ANYONE who is really friends with an ex. They may say they are but way down inside they secretly with for the spouse, especially the offending one, to be miserable.

This story showed that the veneer of civilization be dammed, I want the asshole/bitch to suffer!

Good story!

Good while it lasted though. Great read.

The stupid wife actually thought she could kiss him and make up after all the crap that went down. I guess she was desparate enough to try to win her meal ticket back. To say that I disliked her would be a severe understatement. I felt the husband's pain. I'm glad he was able to move on. 5 stars

..to all of your fan base listing positive comments here.

What amazes me is that after twelve years in a so called happy loving marriage is that a woman (and they do) allows herself to fall in lust and have sex with another guy - notice I didn't say man, a man wouldn't take another's wife!

One thing I do know is in my few short years of experience ( I am only 68) that these woman do, after awhile, secretly regret and wish they hadn't strayed. No one in their family or immediate circle would know but they do regret; unfortunately, a loving, trusting husband and kids will never be the same.

Too bad we can't get enough women like these to go fight our enemies, they would be too emotionally upset to bother with us.

Oh well, thanks again for your usual really good story...'Thanks'.

Selfish, woe is me, husband and miserable wife and lover. Pitiful story.

. . . a really well constructed story with despicable characters. I read one recently here by Matt Moreau and now one by Slirpuff. My god, could anyone be more low life than the butthead main character? Imagine what the kids would be like if he did have custody.

Still in all the story was told really well. SP is a pretty good writer and the pacing on this one was excellent. A lot of the details of the legal system use a bit of author's license, but that stuff rarely bothers me if it isn't critical to the story.

One of your better efforts. Keep up the good work.

The courts order a 50/50 split but if one spouse is cheating the other's life is destroyed. How is that a fair split. In Steve's case although he suffered the greatest loss at least he got payback. Now Kathy's life is as screwed up as his was and he gets to move on.

Story well written, well told, and well worth the time to read. Thank you for your hard work.

Woodmanone

At LAST! A husband who is not a willing cuckolded wimp. Thank you. To all the pretend asshole authors in Loving Wives..Take note a learn from a real author.

It reminded me of a line in a song by George Srait: "I never saw it coming but I knew where it was going".

Finaly, a real loving wife story with all the elements. Too bad the bitch is still breathing but you can't have everything. Thanks for the pleasure.

The wife declaring that it was because Bob needed her was a fine example of speaking without thinking and I get the impression that she all ready acted without thinking. How the new couple could justify what they did to him is impossible for me to imagine, unless of course there were a lot of off-stage occurrences.

NOW THIS IS A MAN TO ADMIRE. GOOD STORY AND PLEASE KEEP IT UP TOO MANY WIMPS OUT THERE.

A Happy Ending! Great Revenge! NO Wimps! A Happy Ending! Fun to read! Well Written! A Happy Ending! Great Revenge with A Happy Ending! Gawd! It just doesn't get any better!

This is the Sp we know and love. Thank you.