All Comments on 'I See Naked Women'

I am glad there will be more to this. It has so many directions to go in. With the detective agency and the other businesses, you could write many chapters. I also would like to see him and the family become globally responsible.

Thanks for a different story.

I'm really hard on writers, even when I don't comment, if that makes since?...

But I really liked this story. It's just my kind.

Well done!!!

As another commentary stated: "You can take this into so many directions.Well done, though the typos were distracting. I hope you will continue this series in the future.

You show good mastery of plot and characters. Well balanced between dialog and scene description. And you had very nice character development. I look forward to reading more of you writing. You kept my interest from the middle of the first Page until the end.

It is redundant, but I too would like to see this developed into a series.

Could be à Nice secuel .

This is the one story on this site that I have never forgotten since the first time I read it. It has nothing to do with the erotica portrayed in it, in fact it is despite it. But I am not here to criticize at all, but to talk about what you did extraordinarily right. The format, and structure of the story is perfect if you discount all the erotica to be a romantic comedy in the classical sense. Man meets woman, has antagonistic relationship in the beginning and through chance spend more and more time together only to discover their initial assumptions on each other were far off base. So much so in fact that they find entire new people/characters before them. Romance isn't the first thing on their minds when they discover this but as hey learn of each other they see how well they fit together and a romance blossoms. Or I should say if you had written more you could have evolved it right and made it to that point. You kind of skipped some chapters but I understand why. This site rarely caters to people who want slow realistic build up or stand story structure. So you have to jump to sex , more sex and more sex if you want good votes and good comments. Well it sucks I say, I wish I had the power to get erotica published instead of more mainstream because I see real potential in this story.

Also bravo for having him pick the right woman, if you would have had him choose the underdeveloped vapid yet beautiful and graceful woman it would have ruined everything. Although next time you should develop more characters so you can't guess where it is going to end up. I know that seems counter to what I just said but I am speaking from a real published author point of view not just an amateur. Too many people even here on this site would have had him choose the wrong woman even without having built her character up as much. Sad but true.

I for one would love if you could expound on this story and now that you are past the tradition of a new person in power maybe tone down the erotica.

ps.

Not being harsh again but any kind of editing I am sure would please a great deal of readers. Typos and misspellings are something anyone can help with just a proof read.

pps.

I hope you still read comments on old stories and take a serious look at this one. You have opened so many creative paths with so many memorable characters it would be a shame to relegate it to only one part.

Loved it. It's believable. I liked how you hinted/teased us with the viewings of the unknown black woman

great read,

plenty of activity

great read!

cheers

Thanks so much for your story. I really enjoyed it. When I got to page 8 I was sad because I knew it was ending.

I was fine with the story until I almost got to the end where you let the uncles get off the hook for what they did, the beatings the drugs and the rapes, they were dirty cops and should have had to pay for their crimes. I think the story would have been better if they did get some kind of payback like the girls cutting their dicks off and shoving them in their mouths and then take something and shove up their asses and let them bleed to death slowly. I gave it 3 stars because I did not like the ending with the uncles and the errors that took away from the story.

a shame it had to end.

I was drawn in by the premise of the story. I stayed because of my hope of improvement and a good ending. I believe you have potential. However, you desperately NEED an editor !! Many many misuses/misspellings led to massive distraction of the story telling. Also, I agree with other posters that the resolving of the dirty cops was a let down and unrealistic IMHO. While this is a amateur writing site, at least the grammar should be much much better. So so much potential but was a let down in the end.

OK idea to start with but the story descended into a mess by the end. Outwardly supportive of a gay relationship but frankly the homophobic nonsense around Drew screwing Dasha & Dana was a joke. Just how was Drew doing any good for the community with his powers is beyond me. This combined with so much poor spelling, incorrect choice of words & shocking grammar was the icing on the cake. Shame because this yarn could have been so much more.

I honestly liked the story. Well mainly. I'm no Lit. Professor, but the misuses, of words,was hard to take. You'd be reading along, and then wham. Had to stop, and think. I read these stories, for enjoyment, not deep thinking. And, why did the cops get away scott free. I thought you were having them, getting punished, but nope, just talk about a restaurant in Chicago. I was disappointed. I gave you 3 stars. I truly did like the premise of the story alot. You did 8 pages, adding a couple of more, to straighten out the twin brothers, would have been fine to me.

Over the top? Maybe just totally.

This story brought tears to my eyes several times. Some with happiness and some with anger. Felt like I was there experiencing everything. That's what I call truly immersing me in the story. A great job of adding a little fantasy into a loving family's life. I could almost believe in the "Sighted One". Thank you for another excellent tale!

The story started out strong but went right off the rails during the resolution of the abduction. Overall, it was an ok story, but it wouldn’t have taken much to make it great.