If You Only Knew

~~~~~~

Laura and I were now like family, God love her beautiful soul. She became the big sister I never had, and I became the little brother she had always wanted. I also discovered that out of all the students she'd been a faculty advisor to, I was the only male. But anytime I wanted to talk to her about anything in the world, she was always there for me. Hell, she even taught me how to dance, and that was something I never thought I would learn how to do.

Of course Kyle became my other best friend, and he and I would always hang out at Gaffe's together when I wasn't studying, or at Laura's house working for extra credit, or in the gym. After tutoring him only twice in English, Kyle became very good at it all on his own, making straight "A's" before then end of his second semester. And as I've already said; he's still a great friend who, by the way, is now an Aeronautical Engineer for NASA, and has designed, or helped design many of the vehicles that were used in space during the late seventies and early eighties. He's married to a very beautiful woman named Kelly Hanson, whom he met at the end of our junior year in college; and they now have two kids, both of which attend our old alma mater. I love them all very much and my.....Oopps, I'm getting ahead of myself...sorry.

~~~~~~

When I began the summer semester before my senior year, the year was nineteen seventy-five, and the war in Vietnam had ended. The whole nation watched on television, as Navy, Army, Marine, and Air America pilots assisted in the evacuation of American and Vietnamese personnel from the top of the U. S. Embassy, in what was once Saigon.

Because of the elation I felt at knowing that no more Americans would be sent over there to die, I felt secure in the knowledge that I now knew I had what it took to begin work on my first novel. However, I still had finish the Senior English class and Senior Creative writing class that I was about to take, before I even began my research.

Not so surprisingly, Laura taught both classes, and on the very first day of the very first class, my creative writing class; lo and behold, there sat Trish Warner as I walked into the classroom.

"Hello" I politely said, as I entered the class room.

She said nothing and simply glared at me like she'd always done, ever since I'd known her, as I walked past her and took a seat.

"Good morning, everyone," smiled Laura, as she walked into the classroom, closing the door behind her. Then she took her seat, and smiling brightly, she looked at us and said, "We're going to discuss your definitions of love, and I want you to describe it in as few words as possible. When you're finished, turn your papers face down on your desk and wait until everyone is done."

I gave it a few moments of thought before I began, and then after reaching into the deepest, most secret reaches of my heart, I began to pour my soul onto the paper. Two minutes later I was done, and after turning my paper face down on my desk; I looked at Laura and winked, eliciting a proud smile from her.

~~~~~~

Once everyone had finished, and had put their papers face down on their desks, Laura began calling on different people, getting their different definitions. There were a lot of very good ones, and then Laura called on Trish, who replied "Love means that you don't have to be ashamed of anything."

"Not bad, Miss Warner," smiled Laura, "But I think you can do even better than that."

The she looked at me and said, "Bryan, tell me what you think love is."

I smiled, and with all eyes upon me, I replied, "Love is whole, unconditional, and gives without asking anything in return."

"Perfect," Laura grinned, "I think that you hit a home run, Mister Hendrickson."

I glanced at Trish to find an angry scowl on her face as she glared at me then swiftly turned her head in the opposite direction, then I looked back at Laura, who had just witnessed the exchange between Trish and I, and then said, "Thank you, Laura, I appreciate it."

She gave me a slight and disapproving glance that only I recognized, and then turned to the rest of the class smiling and said, "That's it for today, gang. I'll see you all back on Wednesday. Mister Hendrickson, please see me after class."

~~~~~~

"What is it, Laura," I asked, as she closed the door behind the last student, "What do you need?"

"What is going on between you and Patricia Warner," she suspiciously asked, "You're not sweet on her, are you?"

"Well...it's like this..." I stuttered, "I've been in love with her for a while now."

I could tell that Laura was upset just by the look on her face, but as opposed to getting in my ass, which is exactly what she should've done, she simply gave me the same sweet and comforting smiled that she always did, and said, "Bryan, sweetie, I'm not going to try and tell you how to live your life. But because I love you like a baby brother, I am going to tell you that Trish Warner is nothing but trouble."

"How can you say that," I defensively asked, "Is it because she's beautiful?"

"Listen to me, sweetie," she softly replied, "There's a very fine line between beauty and danger.

"You're beautiful," I pointedly said, "And you're not dangerous."

"Well, thank you," she smiled, "But I didn't always look like this. Do you remember the graduation picture I showed you?"

"I don't understand what you're trying to say, Laura."

She walked over to the desk next to where I sat and took a seat; and while gently smiling, she told me, "Once I got my braces off, Linda Walsh taught me how to dress and took me to the optometrist so I could get contact lenses. Then she took me to her hair dresser and gave me some tips on styling as well as how to apply my make-up."

"So," I asked, "What does that have to do with Trish?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Bryan," Laura said, "Patricia Warner is a spoiled little girl who was born rich and beautiful. She's not like you and I, sweetie."

"I still don't understand, Laura."

She suddenly rose from her seat, and as she was walking into her office, she turned and said, "Wait right here, I'll be right back."

~~~~~~

"Where are we going," I asked, as Laura drove us in her car, "And why all the secrecy?"

Do you trust me, Bryan?"

"Of course," I replied, "You know I do."

She suddenly giggled and said, "Then shut up and don't ask questions."

~~~~~~

Chapter Two

As we pulled into the office building and got out of the car, I saw a marquee sign that indicated that we were at an optometrist's office. "What's going on, Laura," I suspiciously asked, "And what're we doing here?"

"I'm going to return the favor that was given to me ten years ago," she firmly answered, "And you're not to say a word. Do you understand me?"

I could tell by the look on her face that I would somehow be in deep shit if I argued with her so, I simply gulped and said, "Yes, ma'am."

"Good," she grinned, taking my hand, "I called Doctor Wilson while I was in my office and he can work you in right now if we hurry."

~~~~~~

"I can't afford this," I told Laura, after Doctor Wilson had put the contact lenses in my eyes and we were headed back to the car.

She simply smiled and said, "Shut up, Bryan, and trust me," then took my hand and led me to her car.

~~~~~~

"Why are you doing this, Laura," I asked, once were back on the street.

She pulled the car over to the shoulder of the road and put it in park. Then she turned to me and with a very sad smile on her beautiful face, she sweetly replied, "Listen to me, Bryan, and listen good. After Jake was killed, I thought my life was over and I wanted to die, too. But then I began to teach, and while that kept me busy, it still didn't give me peace. But then Linda told me about this beautifully sad, but brilliant boy, who had what it took to become what she and I both wanted to be when we were in college together; and when I met you it was like looking into a mirror," then the tears began to slowly pour down her face as she continued, "I knew that I had to help you become what Linda and I both know you were born to be. So, please forgive the fact that I love you like a little brother, and I only want you to look and be your best. Besides, you're the only family I've got left. Bryan." And then Laura layed her head in my lap and cried harder than I've ever seen anyone cry.

"Shhh," I softly replied, as I gently lifted her head off of my lap and onto my shoulder, "You don't have to cry. Laura."

"Oh no," she sniffled, half smiling, "And why not?"

"Because I love you, too, Big Sister," I replied, and then gently kissed her on the cheek as I wrapped my arms around her, "And now I understand what you're doing."

"You'd better," she giggled into my chest, "You little shit."

~~~~~~

From there we went to the new shopping mall near the campus where Laura shelled out some major bucks for a new wardrobe for me. When I tried to protest about that as well, she pulled me aside and said, "I can easily afford this so, don't argue with me, alright?"

Again, the look on her face as well as the tone of voice she used, told me that I would be better off if I complied with her wishes so, again, I simply smiled and said, "Yes ma'am."

~~~~~~

The final stop that afternoon was at a hair salon called, "The Mane Option", that was owned by a lady named Rita Kessler. As soon as we walked in the door, a very beautiful woman with stylishly long dark hair came squealing towards us with her arms open wide. And after throwing them around Laura's neck, the woman hugged her and said, "Damn girl, I haven't seen you in so long. Where have you been?"

"Rita, I'd like you to meet a special man in my life," Laura giggled, after the two of them had separated from the hug, "This is my baby brother, Bryan."

"Hi Bryan, it's nice to meet you, sweetie," Rita smiled, then running her fingers through the long dull mess of hair hanging from my head, she turned to Laura and said, "Ooo girl, you were right to bring him here. He's definitely in need of a new do. You sit down over there and let Maggie do your nails while Bryan and I disappear for a while."

Rita took my hand to lead me to the back of the shop, and before Laura could reply, I looked at Rita and teased, "Please be gentle with me. It's my first time."

Not only did my remark elicit a cacophony of laughter from every female who'd heard what I said, but I also received a sharp smack on the butt from Laura, as she giggled, "Get your cute little butt back there and let Rita cut your hair, smart ass."

~~~~~~

Rita shampooed, cut, and then blow-dried my hair, styling it into a long Men's Shag, not unlike the Gypsy Shag the girls wore during that time period. Not only did she teach me how to use a blow dryer on myself, but she also taught me how to use conditioner on my hair to keep it looking as glossy and full as it now did.

And when she was finished, she turned me around to let me see what she'd done. I barely recognized the person I saw in the mirror. "There now, you good-looking thing," Rita grinned, as she stood beside me, "You'll have all the little gals eating out of your hand in no time."

~~~~~~

The moment Laura laid eyes on me when I returned from the back, happy tears poured down her face by the bucketfuls as she threw her arms around my neck and happily cried, "You look so handsome, Bryan. Linda was right when she said that you were beautiful."

"Thank you, Laura," I said, as we hugged one another, "Thank you so very much."

~~~~~~

"Holy shit, man," Kyle grinned, when he saw me, "You look like a different person."

"I think he looks fantastic," Kelly, Kyle's girlfriend, said, "You really do look good, Bryan."

"Thanks Kelly," I replied, hugging her with one arm, "You too, Kyle."

"Hey, I know," Kyle excitedly said, "Let's go to Gaffe's and see how many people recognize you."

~~~~~~

Although Kyle classified himself as a nerd, he was, as Kelly described him, "A cute nerd," and never really had a problem picking up girls before he met her. Me, on the other hand, I knew where I stood in the grand scheme of things. And until now, girls never really gave me the time of day, much less a second look.

However, we hadn't been in Gaffe's for very long when some of Kelly's girlfriends that I'd met before and were friends with, all wanted to know who the hot guy was that came in with them, according to Kelly. When they found out it was me, I received kisses on the lips, and hugs around the neck. And the icing on the cake was the fact that I lost my virginity that night with three girls, all at the same time. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

~~~~~~

The next day I was a few moments late to my English class the next morning because of the previous night's exploits, but when I walked into the classroom, Laura simply smiled as she looked at her watch, and then knowingly said, "Good morning, Mister Hendrickson. Did you oversleep this morning?"

"I'm sorry," I replied, a stupid grin plastered across my face, "I won't let it happen again."

"Yeah, uh-huh," she giggled, "Take a seat and turn to page one forty-six."

Because she and I were so close, we had talked about my sex life, or should I say the lack thereof at the time. And even though she never said anything to me about it; there was no doubt in my mind that Laura was well aware that my status as a virgin had changed in one night. Something else I became aware of that morning was the fact that every female eye in the room now followed me to my seat from the second I walked through the door.

~~~~~~

"So, how did it go last night," Laura asked me, after class that morning, "Did you and Kyle have a good time?"

"We sure did," I replied, pulling her into my arms and hugging her after she'd closed the classroom door, "Thank you Laura, thank you so much. I can't begin to tell you how my life has changed."

"I'm so glad sweetie," she cooed, as she hugged me back. Then she held me at arms length, and while still happily smiling at me, she giggled and said, "Just because all the girls around here think you're hottie now, doesn't mean you can slack up on your responsibilities in class. Oh, and don't forget; you've got a paper due tomorrow."

"I know that," I grinned, "But I can't begin to tell you how I'm feeling right now."

"You don't have to, sweetheart," Laura smiled, softly placing her palm to my cheek, "I know exactly what you're feeling."

"I love you, Laura," I said, hugging her tightly to me, "You're the best friend I've ever had, or will ever have."

"Awww, I love you; too, sweet boy," she cooed, rubbing her soft palms up and down my back. And then she suddenly pushed me away, smacked me on the ass, and blushing brightly, giggled, "Now, get the hell out of here, because I've got a lot of work to do, and so do you."

~~~~~~

As I walked across the campus to my dorm, every girl I passed would each one, turn back around to look at my ass as I walked away. I heard them say things like, "Ooo" and "Aw Baby" or "Hey boy", which all gave me the feeling of being on top of the world. In the back of my mind, I only hoped that Trish would like my new look as much as the rest of the female populace around campus apparently did.

~~~~~~

I got back to my dorm and immediately went to work on my paper. We were supposed to write about our feelings and how they change in different situations. I wrote about the changes I had gone through up to this point in my life, and how I felt about each one of them. I wrote about having come out of feeling disparity for so many years, and that I now felt as if I had been reborn, fresh and anew. I also wrote about my feelings toward others as well. I never called anyone by name, but referred to them as him, her, and they. However, when I wrote about my feelings for Trish, the word "you" was used in reference to her, as if I were addressing her directly. I was cryptic enough in my descriptions, but still though; I hoped no one would be able to figure it out.

~~~~~~

When I walked into class the next morning, you could've heard a rat pissing on a cotton ball from a thousand yards away, as every eye in the room, Trish's included, followed me to my seat. As soon as Laura came out of her office, everyone passed their papers forward, with Trish still staring a hole in me, the look on her face was as if she had been dumbfounded. I politely ignored her and acted like I didn't notice her.

That all went to hell in a hand basket when Laura, whom once again had seen Trish's reaction to me, wearing a now familiarly knowing smirk on her face, said, "Mister Hendrickson, because we all know it will be good, I want you to come to the head of the classroom and read your paper aloud."

I knew that Laura was being playful and approved of how I looked that morning, because I had taken my time to dress like she had shown me, and to dry and style my hair just as Rita had taught me how. Because I loved her so much, I smiled and shook my head as I rose from my seat and came to her desk at the front of the class.

After Laura handed me my paper back, I began to read aloud the feelings I'd poured out onto it the night before. I emphasized every emotion that I spoke of, making sure that all who heard me felt what I was feeling at the time described. And when I spoke of my feelings for Trish, and the love that had gone unrequited for so very long, I made sure that I looked directly into her eyes with every word I spoke. When I was finished, there wasn't as dry eye in the house, save for one, Trish. She still looked at me like I was an insect before she grunted disapprovingly, and then turned her head in the opposite direction while everyone else in class gave me a round of applause.

"Another home run, Bryan," Laura smiled, then announced, "I will grade everyone's paper tonight and you will get them back the next time we meet, class is dismissed.

As she walked by my desk, Trish turned to me and hatefully spat, "What would a nerd like you know about love? You can get contact lenses, and new clothes, and you can even get a nice hair cut...but you'll always be a nerd...nerd."

"Patricia Warner," Laura wailed, "How dare you say such a thing in my classroom?"

The whole room suddenly grew quiet as everyone froze where they stood. But before anyone else could respond, I looked at Laura reassuringly and said, "No...I've got this, Laura." Suddenly I came to the realization that Trish Warner was everything Laura had said she was, and that I didn't love her. No, I had simply lusted after her, and now she was no longer attractive to me.

Every hateful thing she'd ever said to me came to mind when I told her, "You know, you can call me a nerd all you want to. But I'm not the one who is either too stupid, or too lazy to come to class because they've been out whoring all night, and that's why you're back here repeating this class when you should've already graduated," then I turned and politely left without a single word to anyone, Laura included.

~~~~~~

Kyle and I spent the rest of the day at the beach in the company of Kelly, and several of her very hot friends. Sara, Mandy, and Chelsea, the three girls whom I'd happily lost my virginity to were there also, and Chelsea gave me an encore performance out among the sand dunes later that afternoon. We had a good time that went on into the evening, and as we all sat huddled around the fire, Mandy on one side of me and Chelsea on the other, everyone else having left except Kyle and Kelly, she giggled and said, "Why don't the five of us all go back to my house? My parents won't be back for another week."

"Sounds good to me," chuckled Kyle, as he stood up, pulling Kelly with him.

"Me, too," I smiled, as I rose to my feet, pulling Mandy and Chelsea up with me.

~~~~~~

We hadn't been at Kelly's house for very long when a deck of cards suddenly appeared, and someone, I can't remember who, suggested that we all play strip poker. Kyle and I both wore nothing but our shorts, underwear and tee shirts, which evened us with the girls, as all they were wearing at the time were their bikinis, with long tee shirts covering their bodies.