All Comments on 'I'll Be Home for Thanksgiving'

I enjoyed reading this. It is well written. It has a bit of drama instead of just mindless fucking. The characters have some depth to it.

There's actually not much I could criticize here. The only issue I had, and that's more of a personal taste matter, was the way the final orgy was narrated. It felt too impersonal to me.

However, this is something you find quite commonly in erotic stories, especially in group-sex situations:

Instead of narrating from a personal perspective, many authors suddenly switch to a 'disembodied' third-person view. Towards the end, they even omit mentioning individual names altogether. It's merely "bodies slapped against bodies" and "mouth found lips", "mothers made love to daughters", and so on.

Usually these final orgies are also very short, seemingly aiming to "wrap things up", but not for this story. You kept narrating in this style for a long time; a whole weekend of orgies, basically.

To me, this style of narration lacks eroticism. I would prefer to know who does what to whom until the end.

Now, I know every story has to end eventually, and it would have prolonged the story by even more pages to describe the weekend orgies in more detail. But then I would have preferred if you closed the story before the weekend orgy, rather than having it summarized 'out of characters'.

That said, this is one of my favorites. Thank you and please keep writing!

Koriander

Thanks for the nice comments and constructive criticism! It's good to get encouragement and honest advice—without those elements, no one would ever hope to get better, so for that I thank you again.

I'd originally planned to make the concluding orgy a lot more involved, with names instead of an impersonal narrative style. It was going to be a finale that bookended the series on a white-hot bang while also ambitiously (pretentiously, too?) invalidating the erotica rule that one should never write a girl/girl scene involving more than two, lest they run into a mess of pronouns and confusion. That rule says three's a crowd; the scene would have had NINE.

But I ran into others problems, chief among them my the print copy not only sitting under my computer desk for over a year but also following me to a new apartment. The first draft, before I trimmed down sentences and got rid of adverbs and such, was 25,000 words, way longer than I feel comfortable submitting. Finally, I thought to myself, "you've already written every possible combination with every sex act and toy; you even introduced *anal* into the story, a place, har har, you hardly ever go, Mayor." So to finally get the story out the door, to keep it from running long, and to avoid repetition, I rested the conclusion on an orgy weekend instead of the grandiose nine-way I'd envisioned. I wanted to move on; I took the easy way out.

Fabulous series! I do hope you write more to this series maybe diving into different couplings and/or new families and conquest. If not, I'll gladly be rereading them.

Thank you for the warm feedback!

I've been trying to come up with another family-wide story similar to this one for a while, one that would involve boy/girl instead of just girl/girl sapphic shenanigans,but I kept running into walls. After a long period of struggle I may be onto something. Nothing concrete as of yet, though.

As for Jess, Tabitha, and the Callahan legacy, as of now this is intended to be the finale of their arc, although my plan is to keep them in view by referencing them in other Archton stories. Jess and Tabitha had a very brief, non-sex cameo in "Summer's Warmth: A Winter Reunion." My intent was to show that after "Thanksgiving" they are still together and quite happy.

In this 1 it's like she had nothing to do with Jess anymore it's like that she's fucking her family she don't care about Jess which is honestly fucked up how you seemed to split them up why did you do that

@Mfkndragon Honest answer: I don't know. I posted these stories years ago, and the last time I read over them was probably before submission. Thus, I am not sure which elements you are referring to. I've had a long time to refine my craft since then (for better or worse), and I'm sure if I went back and revisited some of these, I would find plenty of cringe moments. I apologize if elements in these stories upset you. For my current and future stories, I am trying to keep everyone's happiness in mind, so they have awesome, 100% fun mutual orgasms.