All Comments on 'In The Eyes Of A Child Ch. 04'

Good continuation. I agree that you need to finish it soon.

Boyd

i accidentally saw my meighbors having sex when i was 3, and i assure you, i didnt forget about it. it affected me, the bad way.

i cant believe the husband is willing to take the wife back afterall that pain and humiliation. she have done everything to bring heartache to her husband, even use her innocent daughter. and what does he do? what a loser. are these husband think that they are ugly and incompetent in bed that they think they cant find another woman?

an ending

God almighty!!! what a Stupid PATHETIC laughable wimp hubby..." Oh I will take you back no matter story!"

can't we all see this reconciliation at all costs tracin by this moron of an author coming down the tracks? sure we can. This is a bad as Lyin eyes or House of cards... ROTFLOL!

lets see...

1 wife cheats on the HONEYMOON....

2 lies often to hubby who know knows there were NO meetings...

3 doesnt want to she Hubby... Hubbys work office... OR know of Hubby's promotion.

4 Spends NO time with her own daughter

5 Is caught by Hubby and daughter in bed actually FUCKING some other guy...

6 Traumatizes her own daughter...

7 screams that the daughter is not his...

8 Then has him thrown in Jail for 30 days...

and Hubby does NOT know IF the marriage can be saved!!!?!?!!?

HUBBY.....

I did feel sorry for her. ( what the fuck man) She was a beaten woman. Her eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. At that moment, she looked very much like a naughty little girl that had been bad. My heart went out to her. I wanted to take her in my arms and comfort her. But it was getting late and I had a lot to do tomorrow. Maybe after my meeting with Marc and hearing the information he could give me I might be able to start to decide if this marriage was repairable.....

ROTLFMO!!! LOL!!! Oh my god I am laughing so hard I gotta go peee!! ROTFLMFAO!!!!

not because of the writing or the story, i find it to be very good.

just don't like serials and have to wait three weeks for another chapter.

You’re doing a wonderful job with this story. I know you don't wimp out people so I'm looking forward to the end.

Might I suggest that you could let the characters have more descriptive emotions? I know Tom is a country boy who is probably a man who shows little outward emotion but some insight to his inner feelings as he talks or thinks would put more of an edge to the story. I’m being very presumptuous as I’m not a writer but I’ll send you an e-mail with my thoughts, as it may give you a laugh. Very good story and great editing.

I like what you are doing and have done.

Please keep your stories coming.

Respectfully

Peggytwitty

...only because one comment at the beginning:

"How could I be so blind? Here was a woman who loved me and would do anything to protect me and I gave it all away for what. Someone that lied cheated and had sex with a man in my house and my bed. "

That kinda showed he was starting to wake up to what was going on around him. And for the ending comment:

"Little did I know then that would be the last time we would be that close and be able to express our feelings to one another."

But I'm not sure how to take that last comment.

Does he die from a collasped lung from the fight? Does he find out everything and get divorced and never look back? Good suspense, but I mean dude, you didn't even have him covering all his tracks all that well. Any detective worth his pay will figure out it was him before the end of their work day, and have all the proof they will need by the end of the following day. I mean look at it this way: He buys something that no one ever heard of from an every day use pet store. Don't you think the first person they will suspect in a big city of doing something like this, that is normally done to animals, is the country boy husband of the wife who this guy was cheating with? Then he didn't even take any steps to cover who he was when he went into the pet store. Then he threw away the items he was wearing right outside of his victims home? And anyone that see's him with-in the next week, and learns about Marc's attack will automatically put 2 and 2 together to get 4. The rib he could hide, the face he cannot.

I do agree with some of the Anon posters, given everything that happened, having the husband constantly saying to the wife and family "I wonder if I have a marriage worth saving" makes it seem strange for this kind of story. I mean if you had her shoot him two or three times on different occasions, and then you had him thinking "Hmm I wonder if I should take her back after all of this, you wouldn't be all that surprised by a lot of negative comments. I hope your not surprised with a few of them here. I don't say that to be mean, but point out the obvious.

Having her do what she did, that he "knows" about (without viewing the tape that he took from Mark), is enough that even the most "stupid" of human beings would walk away from that marriage and never look back. But to keep throwing in his 'indecision' about if he should stay or go makes the reader wonder about the characer's "character" and the author's sanity in this story.

Not too bad a story so far, but some of the elements seem strange and just a little too "surreal" to make a really good story.

-Risq

-PS: It was about 6 weeks since you updated part 4 of the main story and 4 weeks since you added an update to the base story. Don't supposed you might have the ending a bit quicker will ya? I mean I start to get into the story, then you wait a few weeks between postings, and then I have to go back and re-read parts of the previous stories so that I know who's who and whats going on.

Do you enjoy it? I know I do. I can't wait to read the enmding to this one! And I like the way the husband banded the lover's copck. Hope he can't get it off and loses all his balls. hehehehe Yea, don't piss off a woman!

when you've caught your wife being in err seemingly compromising a few times, at least, over a duration of a few years and then finally caught her fucking a man in your bedroom, on your marital bed and SHE blurted out that the KID was not yours, and all you could think about was putting back together your marriage?

no suspicion about what she said about the kid?

you don't have to stop loving the kid! it's not her fault whether she's biologically yours or not; but a smart man, a decent man (one who does not think sucking his wife right after she's fucked strangers is a great thrill), he would surely have serious thoughts going on in his head, from all that raw information that he's been fed!

but all this guy could think about was how lovely the wife was, how much he loved her,,, what the f--- is that, really?! a smart, decent man would be thinking: if the child is not mine biologically, should I fight for her?, despite my love and care for her since day one,,, How could I ever be so stupid and trusting and NEVER investigate my early suspicions, which might have saved me all this present pains? This woman, surely, is not whom I thought she was, from the VERY GET GO ("if I told you everything, Tommy, you'd divorce me," she said to him!)? Why was I so blind, especially with other decent women who've always stood by me?,,,,

shouldn't a decent, smart man be asking these basic questions?, rather than asking himself how he's going to live without this woman who fucked silly during their honeymooning, not more than a few hundred yards, perhaps, from him???

Can't wait to read see what the ending will be.

Bob

i hope marcs balls do fall off ..and i hope he takes his daughter if it is his and marries sally..robyn does not deserve him...if he does stay with robyn id suggest he puts a chastity belt on her when shes out of hissight...him i think robyn shouldlet him fuck who he wants when he wants from now on just to try to make it up to him...i know we are going to find out that she has been fucking a whole bunch of guys... i hope jhe bands them all ...i know it worksas i have seen bulls bags fall off from having this procedure done...i think they all deserve that ...and robyn brand her forehead with a sign that says this is a cheating slut bitch....maybe he should mar her body with some tattoos ...id say 20 or more .. i dont think most guys would enjoy fucking a woman who had that many tattoos all over her body ...i wouldnt quit tatooing till she had nothing left to tattoo...id even do her tits right to the nipples

Story starts in the middle of something and then stops in the middle of something. No ending, and point to it.

but let's wait and see what the ending brings...

Great writing,Gizzmo301. Normally, I am one of those readers who can't wait to see slutty wife get her ass kicked out the door, but in this story, I really feel sorry for Robyn and hope she ends up with a happy marriage. I can only assume that my reaction is a tribute to your excellent writing. Somehow you have succeeded in generating sympathy, on my part, for a promiscuous wife that you have portayed as the epitome of evil. I don't know how you do it, but I congratulate you on your writing skill. 60 year old George

Marc was dealt with appropriately. Why is she still under his roof? He does have to find out who else she's been with, so he can educate them as well. No doubt though-she's gotta go! He should find a way to destroy her too.

Since she cheated, we know she does not actually love him-he certainly shouldn't feel any pity toward her.

Unless I missed something, Robyn was a very will participant. She also could have just left Tommy, if she really loves him as much as she says.I think you may have dug yourself in too deeply. Not a good flow to the story, nor do you have sympathetic characters. Nice spin to a common plot, though.

while the plot is great and the story well written with good dialoge... it is fatally flawed

see ROBYN's story... by same author

If she REALLY thinks sex is sex AND its not cheating then WHY did she give into these other guys with a video tape?

its Just sex its not love -- right?

The author screws this up b/c he sets up the female character/ wife with specific ideal and values then has her act just the OPPOSITE

she whored all around.... she still works in the same community she whores around as a teenager.... so the guys get still get to her and her with blackmail

which as I said should NOT work.

Again why is she upset / worried that Tommy will leave when he finds out the truth about her whoring ways?

That Tommy's entire marriage is based on a LIE?

By giving into the blackmail the result is the same thing... Tommy finds out and leave.

DUMB

Promises are easly made but difficult to keep, You promisd to get the rewritten ending out quickly and I am still searching every day. YOur plot works

Are you going to leave us hanging?

Low score to get your attention...

Now that Tommy has the "tapes" that will bring the company and the assholes down including Robyn and her Dad, how will he do it...and of course Susan's DNA is Tommy's and he will marry Sally as a wealthy man...with Robyn now hooking to make a living...shit why give it away for free...hehe...

Please wrap up your story.

write a ending and stop prolonging this crap.are you some kind of power trip.

no loving wives cheating story has taken this long to be completed... if it were a greatly contemplative work on characters' mind, then we would have understood.... but, u r relating a story of slut... who, on her own will or not, cheated... and kept on cheating...

so, why taking time like it's an epic and a great soap opera... this is a slut's story ... so, let it finish like that... quick.... fast.... as much as i dislike most of JPB's stories, he is faultless at this respect... he knows what kind of story needs time, and what doesn't...

so, don't bullshit anymore.. or, just, tell us plain and simple that u never thought about the last chapters...

Why dont they inject her with sodium pentethol that will loosen her tongue or just beat the crap out of her that will loosen her tongue.

Pat

Worst grammar and spelling I've seen lately.

Fine writing job. I, like most of your other readers, are waiting with bated breath for the rewrite you mentioned in your last chapter. I assume for some reason, you have been unable to publish it. I hope it is not due to ill health. We need writers with your skill. Best wishes for good health. 60 year old George

Compelling reading! Is there any chance of us seeing Ch 5 soon?

Wow Angle love sure blew it. I thought editors were supposed to catch all this crap. And my stories get rejected for having one mispelled word. Your series has many more. Just thought I'd add my opnion. You have also made the same mistake several times. It's DOES...not doses...a dose is a case of the clap...ok?

What country is this supposed to be in? Australia, UK, another country?

Because nowhere in the USA can a person be held against his will when there are no charges. If there is no case there is no prosecuting attorney, no need for a defense lawyer, nothing will come before a judge.

Any simpleton knows that. Totally unbelievable. Written by a child or by someone who has no knowledge of what he talks about.

are deep and true, full of love and trust. TK U MLJ LV NV

Thanks for the offering. I will save my comments until the final chapter.

The story is interesting. The characters are awful!!

This story is holding my interest just enough to cause me to keep reading. The editor needs an editor. Why would Robyn meet with Bill Shark without HER lawyer in attendance?

"some of the things that have happened to me were beyond my control. I know you deserve the truth from me but I swear I can't tell you it would destroy us both."

Beyond her control? She can't control who fucks her?

If the "truth" will destroy them both, then they should definitely get a divorce!

A book bladed knife is quicker and much more certain than banding. Ultimately, it's not as painful, but it's irreversible.

Many commenters call this a well written story, but it isn't. It's chock full of grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and contradictions.

What it has is a decent story, at least so far. But it's execution is pretty poor. I know nothing about the editors the author mentions but they must have been very overworked when they looked at this. It needs a thorough going over, fine-toothed comb comes to mind.

Dear lame pieces of shit (author and editor etal),

Here are a few of the great uses of the English language that slipped through your composition algorithm:

You didn't look like you were hurt to me. But our little girl saw you, how doses that make you feel?

The lack of quotation marks were the first issue, but the use of the ancient Greek term "doses" was the kicker. When do you mix ancient Greek with common lexicon in one sentence?? YOU DON'T (stop looking for doses in Greek mythology as it doesn't exist. It is a word you made up to cover multiple words. I got that)

I slowly walked to my car talking of the hooded sweat shirt and gloves.

Do you often speak to yourself while walking away? Where did the gloves come from? A slip of memory, that's fine, but these simple mistakes as well as the unmentioned fact that Sally was blamed for having the child and the tape when it was Sara who had them (the scene he was talking to Bill Shark.... go read it yourself. The mistakes are GLARINGLY obvious!)

I have to admit to enjoying the banding scene. I wish it were better described for the nubies out there. It doesn't help the cunt was "out" when it was applied, as he would've been kickin like a mule.

If I had the time or cared, I'd list more of your obvious faux pause (humor). I really don't care other than to teach you. Maybe you will learn - the likelihood? probably not!

The multitude of spelling errors definitely put my pacing in reading this off. Some errors have become so wide-spread (Literotica, almost all bloggers, CNN, Fox, ESPN, etc.), that I can normally skim over them (e.g.: to/two/too, their/there/they're, and on and on) without disturbing my train of thought.

But some are so unique they are jarring in attempting to read a story. Such is the case with the clearly well beat-up "doses" instead of "does". If you are reading along and then such a non sequitur shows up, you have stop, back up, and try to figure out how medicine or a cooking recipe fits here. Back up and read the entire paragraph. Then, still unenlightened, read the previous paragraph as well; before it finally hits you-- this is a spelling error. If that happens several times in a few pages, I usualy leave the story unfinished and unrated. For these kinds of errors, I do not mean the "to/too" or the "they're/their" errors, it is the ones that make me stop and think what the hell does this mean?

So if I read to the end, with those kinds of errors, if I rate the story, the score goes down.

(I give much greater leeway to non-native American writers (e.g. "Winterfrog"); or if the author identifies herself as female. I'm a ditry old man, I admit it, and so women get higher scores.)

dumb and dumber

Grammar and spelling getting worse if that's possible. You definitely need an editor.