All Comments on 'In The Shadow of The Moon Ch. 08'

I've been following this story forever. I love it. Had almost given up hope it would be worked on again. So glad that a- hole is dead. Look forward to seeing if Victoria's dad can be saved. Keep up the good work, and again, glad to see you back. P.s. congratulations on the graduation.

Good to see you back ... cant wait for next chapter...

It's good to see a continuation of this story and even better to hear that you plan to update every few weeks. I would encourage you to go over the editing with a fine toothed comb. Lots of errors were missed in this chapter and it distracted from the quality of the story.

Regardless, it's good to have you back.

Good story- spoiled by inept editing

A suite of rooms - not a suit which is a jacket and pants.

their feelings - not "there"

Simple things, but along with the numerous other mistakes, makes reading the story hard work and makes me loose confidence in you as a story teller worth reading.

Obviously when you graduated from college, English was not one of your majors :)

To the Anonymous who commented before me, there is no need to be rude. If you can't say something politely, keep silent.

However, the rude commentator raises a valid point. The story is interesting, but the grammar could use some work. Granted, it's your story and you can write as you please, all I'm saying/asking is that if you want people to continue to read, I would advise you to get in touch with an editor. He/she will save you time and effort, plus satisfy those with strong grammar pet peeves. Personally, I don't mind the few mistakes here and there, but yours occasionally come at key points in the sentence, forcing me to reread it a few times to understand what you meant.

On the upside, your plot is well thought out and your pace is consistent. Every time I find myself getting irritated with Victoria's behaviour, you use another character to slap her back into focus and make her progress (i.e., her grandmother and the Time Keeper).

Also, you're doing a good job of showing the difficulties in their relationship and her struggle to accept it. With her past, it would be difficult to believe she just rolled into it with no problems. I would suggest that you focus a bit less on what she's feeling and more on why she's feeling it (not too much, but a bit more explanation of how her current behaviour is tying into her memories might explain a bit more to the readers).

Lastly, I suggest you attempt to show some differentiation between thoughts and speech (italics?), and also indicate (perhaps with punctuation) when the scene changes. Otherwise, the story becomes disjointed and difficult to follow.

Sorry about the long message, keep up the good work and congrats on the graduation :)

Yes that comment was rather rude, my mother, the English professor, would be insulted at the implications. Still, regardless it brought to my attention the fact that I uploaded the unedited version of this chapter!!!!! So I have submitted the EDITED version. This version proves that the college education I got wasn't a waste of my time. I type fast and I type exactly what I am thinking. This means: there is no punctuation, extra punctuation and wrong punctuation, extra spaces where I pause in my thoughts and their and there sound the same and get typed the same. When I read to edit myself, I know exactly what I meant to say so I read it as such and don't see the mistakes. Also I am not using Microsoft office, I lost the disk. So, I am using Open Office. This software and I are not COMPATIBLE. It has this feature that just automatically changes words to what it thinks is correct. So 1/3 of the mistakes are that as well, this includes suits for suites and there for their. Their auto correct is an idiot. So with all that being said I have uploaded the proper version. Go read and vote on that one please! (as soon as it is approved and posted)

P.S. Sorry for any grammatical mistakes in this comment. I am not going to go through and read it backwards to see if there is anything I missed.

Smooches,

Silently Silly

Now I do hope that life does not take you away from this story for so long before we get to the end but it was worth the wait. I loved your writing and you did not disappointment with this installment. Thank you for creating such an amazing world that I can loose myself in all the diverse characters. I even had to go back and read it all from the beginning just to make sure I remembered all the details. Well worth the reread. <3

This was just too painful to read. Your mother is an English Professor? Some of those are actually the worst for spelling and grammatical errors. I will read the new version when it is uploaded.

Great story. I love the pace & it's been an interesting journey. =)

Ignore the anonymous idiot. Who doesn't know the difference between "lose" & "loose". Anoymous perhaps you shouldn't be so harsh to judge people on their grammar.

Best chapter yet!

I agree with mythofreak although there were mistakes at key points, this wasn't painful to read because if it. Editing it with someone else would help get mistakes it was a well written story and I do think you mother as a teacher would have shoos tips even if you don't tell what you're doing.

Please please continue posting. I need more.

Any idea when the next chapter will be uploaded??!?

Let me beg you ......please write more of the story soon ! We, your fans , are dying to see more from you !

Stephen J

sjhallahan@verizon.net

Hey! I'm still holding on to your promise of the "JUICY :) bits". Please post the next chapter soon!!! I just stumbled upon the first chapter of your story last night and was so disappointed that it's not yet done. I'll be waiting for the next chapter!

BTW, I gave all the chapters in this story 5 stars! love your writing, though the editing could be better :D

Great story! I can't wait to see her embrace her potential!