All Comments on 'Inheritance Ch. 01'

you have a good thing going here, but you brought it to an end to quickly. It can be continued, but expand it some, make the reader want more every time they read the next chapter.

You have an interesting base, but you aren't using it to it's full potential yet - so far it just seems run-of-the-mill. And you haven't really hooked my interest in your main character. But I'm not partial to power-drunk individuals with so little apparent self control; I like them a bit sneakier and discreet. The grammer snags & pov changes are slightly distracting. I'll probably read another chapter before I'd decide to continue or drop the story.

Too many misspellings; finely = finally, is = his, that type of thing. Get another pair of eyes to proofread it before you submit. This can be a great series, just maintain control of your build rate and don't let things get out of hand too early.

Good content noxie, mighty good content. Literary skills need developing somewhat but I'm sure you're on the road to improvement in that category. You can start by putting that little black dress back on the neighbor or better yet a black string bikini and ... well, I'll let you do the writing and me the commenting. Cheers.

Can't Wait to See how Mother and Daughter take it After Waking Up. and what about the Neighbor now that He knows how strong his Power is he will certainly want to Start a Harem and Daughter and Neighbor seem to be a Good Start.