All Comments on 'It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch. 05'

From earlier chapters I'm pretty sure that John is not both Ann and Carol's father as the first couple chapters claim.

first couple paragraphs not chapters. guess i need an editor too lol.

Mar-IT-al - relating to marriage

Mar-TI-al - relating to ccombat

You a tease with these little snippets. Come on.

The first paragraphs are very confusing. I get the sentiment, but you are not making much of a case for reconciliation. The fact that she goes to visit her husband after a serious accident does not say much at all. Any friend would do that. In her case it is self serving in trying to portray the loving wife. You need more evidence than this to sway normal, rational people from the belief that he is wasting his life on her. Right now, she looks like a selfish bitch, and he looks like a wimp that cannot think for himself. By the way, people DO NOT radically change late in their lives! The are who they are! Look around you and see! They may say they have changed, they may act differently to some people, in some situations, but they are still the same, the rest is deceit.

sad cuck story 1*

. . . is difficult, causes relationships to change. In 2010 after fourteen years of divorce I had to become head of family once again for the final six months of our daughter's life. For the last two months I lived with my ex as we did our best to support our daughter in a nursing home. It does bring a couple, an entire family, closer together and we still maintain that closeness.

Author has done his/her best to describe that reconstruction in the fictional family. Does it last?

As total non sequiter with a czka in name author must have at one time been a lineman for the Penn State football team - LOL

way to short and nothing really done

Cannot rate a partial chapter higher than a 3 keep writing.

Ann came to Carol's and told Carol, "Your father has been in an accident." Ann's grandfather? His name is also John? Author should have told us at the end if this story was to be continued or if it was another FTDS "the end."

Sentences like that make this a rather unwieldy story. I was glad to see that I wasn't the only one that read the first few lines numerous times in an attempt to determine what the writer was trying to say. Perhaps that's why the chapters are short. It gives us a chance to use our de-coder rings to translate the story. This is extremely dry reading.

Too disjointed. Viewpoint shifts mid paragraph. Some thought half expressed. Some allusions don't make sense. Needs a proof writer and a rewrite.

I can see where this story would be hard to write. It is very intense. I see lots of my problems and fears in your story, similar yet different but close. Keep writing until you feel you have it out.

Are you writing this in some other language (Polish ?) and then translating it into English ?

Machine translation ?

before destruction is its only goal. TK U MLJ LV NV

The story slowly dribbles out. I forget the details of the earlier bits. Really, you need to crank out 15-20,000 words per post. You are aggravating your audience, which is not to your benefit,

The story line/plot are too helter skelter. After reading, I'm not feeling good either. Cheers!

Looking at the plot, we see that it is an old standby for twists and reconciliations, but

the excellent presentation of their emotional reactions is worth the read...

She gave her husband a fucking STD! Where is the fucking love in that?! If your relationship is so shot that you wife turned slut is fucking a diseased pig get a clue! Your marriage is dead and rotting. Bury it and move on. The set up on this story does not allow for any chance of sane reconciliation! That means someone is nuts if he thinks he can sell this lame shit!

and it appears that your editor is a little distracted now too. Unlike some I think I lost interest in the outcome a few paragraphs ago (chapter 3?) A shame - but still a good effort. Thanks for writing. 4*

I am ALSO not feeling good.

Kinda reminds me of the boarder's complaints about the food in the boarding-house: "The food here is POISON ... and such SMALL portions!"

2*

This is like constipation: one little turd at a time.

Just write Part 6: The End and be done with this torment.

this story, but I agree, your chapters are shorter than they need to be to keep this moving along without irritating your readers.

turned into a pile of c--p. No reason for all of these chapters, and the story line ran out of steam one chapter ago.This last chapter is so short it shouldn't even be called a chapter.

Just end this story and put it (and us) out of its misery.

Those with life experiences, and those who don't.

youshowed all here you are an ass maybe you are an army vet all vets write like you

I CANT WAIT FOR RUSSIA TO BURN OUR FLAG WE AS A COUNTRY ARE STUPID AND you SHOWED IT

Time annony gets burned alived

The daughter said you father has been in a accident..I am confused

"My father, YOUR HUSBAND has been in an..." and it's been months since I wrote this...

Dr Knowitall to join Harry and go back on his meds. Maybe turn his computer off if it annoys him so much.

Why did he not sue the other driver?.

A little confusion with the father bit. RAAC getting closer.

This is quite deep,

I’m still trying to get through this thing, but I’m not sure why! This segment was confusing and did not seem to add anything to the story. Not certain that this is redeemable. wasting time.