Jasper

"Jasper, do you know how hurt I was, and still am, by what you did to me? You r-r-r-"

But the word didn't come. It was stuck in my throat and refused to be free. Maybe, he wasn't that stupid, after all. By giving me the six and a half months, he was giving me the choice to either push him away or accept him. His answer will not contradict mine; instead, he will comply to it no matter if he is hurt or not. I wanted so much to be his, to be the one that mattered to him. However, the night marred my decision and I became frighten. What if I make a huge mistake by choosing either one-rejecting him or accepting him? What if I make a huge mistake by not making any decisions at all?

"Why did you do it?" I whispered, craning my neck to meet his eyes.

"Adina..."

When he reached down to cup my face, sobs raked me so hard that my heart ached. I clutched my left breast, trying uselessly to push away the truth about my feelings towards him.

"Adina!"

He slid his hand into my hair and pressed my face into his chest, where his heart was. His other hand grasped the back of my shirt and held tight. Even through the sadness, I was befuddled with the roar he emitted before burying his face in my hair.

"Do you know what you're doing to me?" He said breathlessly. "Do you have any inkling what you're driving me into? Adina, I am so sorry! I was possessed by anger and rage that you dared refuse me, but I swear that it is something that I regret doing! I can't believe how cruel I was to you until you left me. A-And when you left me, I never felt so alone..."

"What has come to us, Jasper?"

"So alone and lost, Adina," he told me. "So naked and hollow, a-as if something, or someone, has been stolen from me! I try to reach for you but you were so far away. When you finally asked me what I wanted, really asked me, it was a wake-up call for me. I-i-if I want you-and I do-I must be responsible for what I did. So here we are after six months and a half, and I have come with the answer to your question, Adina."

My heart beat wildly as he made us stand and he held my hands in his. I was struck by the stark contrast of his maleness and my femaleness. His were so wide and tanned, his fingers long and elegant like a pianist's, whilst mine were so small and fair against his, so fragile and breakable.

"Will you forgive me for my sins, minus the one true evil deed? Will you give me a chance, Adina? Because the answer, you see, is that I want you to be mine. Because the answer to your question is I love you and I can't live without you."

My heart ceased its thumping. My visions clouding. This pompous and gorgeous guy was asking for my forgiveness and saying that he loved me?

"...I missed the time we had at the island. You were so beautiful..." he clasped my hands and placed it where his heart was. "It was something I never thought to experience. It was a gift so precious that I wished I could commemorate it physically."

"Jasper," I began, and watched him hold his breath. "I am afraid. If you leave me, it will break me into pieces. I have never loved anyone before you, Jasper. Do you know what that means? It means that I am stupid and unequipped. Inadequate. Do you want someone like me? I am not entertaining, or hilarious, or even attracting. You will be bored with me, Jasper."

There. I had admitted my darkest fear to him. If he used it against me, I knew there was nothing I could do.

"Do you know what I see in you? This black hair-do you know how many girls I knew had dyed theirs black? These black eyes-do you know how I know that you always speak the truth? This body-do you know how I spend my night sleepless thinking about how you felt? This mind-do you know how I envy your strong-will, fighting me again and again?"

He smiled, and my eyes widened. Lord, he was even more dazzling, almost beautiful, when he smiled. The dimples on his cheeks seemed to be winking cheekily at me and the glint in his eyes was teasing me mischievously!

Without warning, he pulled me up and branded a scorching kiss on my lips. It was short and hard, but so sudden that I felt like floating in the air.

"Will you be mine, Adina?" He asked tenderly.

Even though I knew the consequences, the possibilities of everything, I wrapped my arms around his waist and said, "Yes, Jasper, yes."

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"HEY, JASPER, who's that chick with you?"

We shared a secretive smile before approaching the benches where the popular bunch usually hanged around. I had on a tight red blouse revealing the hour-glass of my waist and the roundness of my breasts, and a tight black leather pants enhancing the butt I had been working on during the holiday. The final touch was a pair of expensive red Jimmy Choos, a courtesy of Jasper for my birthday despite of my protest.

"I wonder how they'll react when they see the 'Stinking Hippo' with you," I whispered.

"No doubt they're jaws will drop like bulldogs," he replied.

"EW, that's so gross!"

Upon arriving, the first thing-or person-I noticed was Stephan's arm around The Leech. It almost stopped me, almost, but it also spurred me to prove to The Leech that she had been messing with the wrong girl.

"I know," Jasper said suddenly. I looked up and met his knowing gaze, and it hardened us. We tried to apologize to Stephan, the day after I accepted to be Jasper's, er, girlfriend.

I didn't know how Jasper knew but almost all the Frat Boys' jaws dropped-not like bulldogs, yuck!-but really dropped, the kind that left your tongue and most of your front teeth exposed. I slowly smiled at them.

"Holy cow!" Reed, one of the footballers, was the first to recover. His eyes rolled up and down, not believing what he was seeing.

"My, what did you do to her, Jasper?" Rachelle, one of my good housemates, exclaimed with awe before she smiled at me, winking her eyes, discreetly pointing Jasper to me.

"Who is she?" Some dumbass asked, obviously stupid to even ask. Maybe I was too transformed that he refused to see.

"Adina Phillip," Jasper said, resulting a surprised squeak.

Jasper pulled me away then, not waiting for them. In fact, he was relishing my transformation so much so that he chuckled all the way home.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"JASPER, DO you think Stephan will ever forgive us?"

"Why should he? His two best friends betrayed him," he answered nonchalantly.

"How could you say that?"

I was surfing my website, and thanks to Kendrick, there had been a number of people in the Goth Talents, ranging from a promising pianist to a rare juggler. Really, it sounded so unimportant but talent is talent no matter how one varies from the other.

"Well, that's what I'd do if I were Stephan," he pointed.

"Still, I want to seek his forgiveness. He was always there with me, for me, no matter what other thought. He was also your best friend, Jasper."

"And that's the point," he said. "It will be too painful for Stephan to forgive us."

"I still can't believe that you own this website," he suddenly said.

"I can't believe how you have the guts to send your own..."

"My own what?"

"Oh, shut it! You know what I'm saying!"

The jerk had the guts to laugh at me when he saw how red I was, as red as tomato, I bet. He knew I was referring to the thing that caused him to receive the first slap from me. Not that I'm going to repeat. It was best left forgotten, this embarrassing thing. In spite of how wild everyone around me seemed to be after my transformation, I am still the girl who everyone looked down.

"Do I?"

Jasper hauled me off the chair and pushed me to the wall.

"You are the only person that I touched once. Want to know how it feels?"

"Jasper-"

"When was the last time I kiss you?"

"The night...I accepted you?"

"Wow, that's so looooooong ago, right? So why don't I kiss you again?"

"Jasper-"

"Yes?"

Before I could answer, he cupped my face and pressed his lips slowly, like butterfly wings fluttering lightly, not too hard and not too soft, just right to make me lightheaded and feeling faint.

The next thing I knew, he was carrying me to my bed, our lips clinging. I didn't know how fast he was but when I finally found my voice, he was above me on his elbows, not touching me but very close.

"Jasper, you don't want to do this,' I warned, though it was futile.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"B-b-because the last time you did, I wasn't willing."

He froze.

And then lay on his back beside me, cursing who knew what.

After a long silence, I gathered my courage to speak. "I'm sorry for reminding you o-of that night."

"Damn."

He sat up on the bed, and then pulled his hair desperately. "I always forgot that. Don't apologize. I deserve it. It's just that you turn me on and I can't seem to stop!"

"Go find someone, Jasper, because I don't think I can-"

"Don't spout nonsense, Adina," he cut me. "Where did you get such ideas? I'm not so desperate that any girl will do! Heck, why am I talking about this with you?"

"Cause you're my boyfriend and as much as I love you, you're a healthy male, yeah? And I know you guys think about that stuff ALL the time."

"I don't deny that," he said, rather arrogantly. "But, well, my dream girl is you. So, you see, as long as you're not ready, we'll find another way."

"Another way?" I asked, confused. I didn't even understand what he was trying to say.

"Yes, another way."

Since I still didn't understand-innocent me-I shrugged and continued updating my website. Right now, in one of the auction rooms, the price was an original piece of The Book of Modern Gothic Art written by Romulo Antonio, dated 1500. I only knew that the latest owner was Unanimous Male and that he decided to sell it because he was on the verge of bankruptcy. What he did was not my business or how he had that book-how much I could get for him was mine.

Adine 90> The Auction Rooms will be closing in two hour's time. For anyone of you who are interested in buying 'The Book of Modern Gothic Art', 'Dolce & Gabbana green gown worn by Ramie Allison 1942', and 'Stephenie Meyer's Collections', please do so without delay. The next reminder will be in an hour's time.

"I still can't believe that you are Raven45," Jasper suddenly spoke after the long silent. I whirled my chair around, looked up and met his gaze.

"I still do not know how you get my e-mail," I stated forcefully. "Did it hurt?"

"You don't have to remind me of that," he said sullenly. "It was like a dream that someone would slap me, especially you."

"Why? Because I'm a dork and I shouldn't have? You pompous ass, you-"

"NO, that's not why I was taken aback!" He denied as he tried to take my hands into his. "It was the fact that I hadn't expect you to be violent that shocked me!"

"If you think I'm going to accept that excuse," I snapped, turning away from him to face my laptop. "Then you're wrong."

"Adina, please don't be so unreasonable!"

"Now I'm unreasonable! What about you?" I pushed away from the chair and stood in front of him. "You're the unreasonable one, haunting me like a ghost, forcing me to acknowledge you-and let me tell you, I HATE MANIPULATIVE BASTARD LIKE YOU-then made me lost Stephan, the only person who accepts me as what I am, all fat and ugly, and now you have the nerve to say I'm unreasonable? Oh, don't forget, you raped me like a beast and now I'm stuck with you!"

I knew that the moment I said the last few words, I had shocked him as much as I was shocked by myself. Oh, great, why did I lose my temper so easily?

His face contorted fiercely before he said, "Fine. If that's what you have been feeling, from now onwards, I'll leave you alone." He made his way to the door, then looked at me with anguish so apparent that I almost felt it, and whispered, "Just know that I regretted hurting you, Adina. And I'm sorry for making you so miserable."

Foolish me, I didn't stop him or chase after him. Instead, I stared stupidly as the door shut quietly, thus signifying the separation between Jasper, the person who, until this moment, hadn't been so important and me.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"ALL ON your own...

Cold and alone, again...

Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me...

Set your guilt free...

Nothing can hold you back now..."

*

I HAD never been so miserable than now, maybe more miserable than the time when I lost Stephan. I guessed I hadn't realized how much Jasper meant to me until he was lost to me, like I lost Stephan.

The days to Graduation were drawing closer but despite of how much I tried to concentrate on my studies, he managed to sneak into my mind. Still, I fought harder because I didn't want to disappoint Dexter, and particularly Mr. Yule.

Believe it or not, Ms. Aurora finally increased my marks, though it was still not enough. I didn't know why she was so hateful towards me but I never stop hoping that she would soften to let me pass.

My wish came true when she called me to see her after school one day. Initially, I was ecstatic to find my grade. However, when Jasper appeared quite unexpectedly, without even looking at me but went straight away to Ms. Aurora, I knew why. The gleam in her eyes, laughing at me because she managed to steal Jasper to her was too much for me. I couldn't stop the tears from gushing down my face profusely as the truth dawned on me.

"How could you do this to me?" I heard myself whispering.

"Get going, Adina," Ms. Aurora ordered haughtily.

I stared at him for so long, wishing that he would say something, or at least meet my eyes, but he didn't do either of them. He pretended that I wasn't there, as if I didn't exist, and dropped his bag on the table while unbuttoning his yellow cardigan.

"Jasper?"

When he still ignored me, I knew I had lost him forever. Everything spun around me, but I wasn't aware except for the agony that I felt at his betrayal. No, I couldn't say that he had betrayed me because we were through, but it still hurt so much. I ran as hard as my legs could carry, wiping away the tears that refused to cease.

Then, I bumped into something hard that it backfired and I fell to the floor. I picked myself up clumsily because my legs decided not to run, but I continued. I wished I could fly away to somewhere far from here, far from everything and anyone that had been making my life a horrible one. I scolded myself that I was fortunate because I wasn't poor or had family problems compared to some, yet the reprimand did not break through the haze of pain that was beginning to shroud my world.

I didn't hear the sound of engine as it followed me, nor did I hear the voice of someone calling my name. The feeling of the brisk wind as it blew at me and the surrounding that blurred to colors and non-descriptive shapes somehow spurred me on.

"ADINA!"

My brief exhilaration was disrupted when someone pulled me back and turned me around jerkily. I struggled to free myself, swearing incoherently to the intruder.

Then, my head threw back, followed by a stinging pain on my left cheek. All fight dissipated.

"Adina, what the heck is wrong with you?"

So familiar, the voice, though impossible to comprehend because how could it be?

"Adina, say something!"

Say something? That was absurd because my lips were sealed and locked rather tightly.

"Adina, please... Are you okay?"

Okay? Was he kidding? My cheek hurt like a bee had stung it and my heart was crashing and ripping violently.

"Adina..."

I pulled my arms slowly, and turned my back to

him. Right now, he was the one I didn't need most, besides the other guy. Right now, he was a dream to me because, as far as I knew, he was long gone from my life. Right now, I needed to be alone to calm myself. So, I carried on with my walking, not caring whether he was following me or shouting my name. The torture-that was my first priority. Everything else could wait.

"Adina, there's a letter for you."

I barely heard Rachelle as she went on talking about who knew what-probably about my relationship with Jasper, which was the latest gossip in town-whilst I made my way to my room. Upon entering, my eyes flew to my bed. No matter how many times I changed the linen, the night he...he did it to me was always in front of my head. When my eyes then stopped in the middle of the room, a loud wail escaped from my mouth.

The door to my room rattled when someone said my name repeatedly. I couldn't get up because it was so hard. I still had trouble realizing that The Leech had won, again, although I never was engaged in the battle she started. First, she had taken Stephan away from me because she thought I stole Jasper from her. Second, her cousin had stolen Jasper away from me because she hated me for 'hurting' The Leech.

Now, tell me, who was hurting who actually? I didn't even want to be involved in The Leech's childish game but in the end...

"Adina, are you okay?"

"Oh my God, she sounds so...so bad!"

"Adina, we're...we're kind of worried about you. Do you...can we come in?"

"This is your entire fault, Isabelle! I told you that you shouldn't be so cheap as to be easily bribed by The Slut! Look what you did to her!"

"Girls, she can hear us!"

"SHHH!"

I met six pairs of eyes when I opened the door slowly. Rachelle, Diane, Cora, Penny and Hannah looked stunned to see me while Isabelle was looking so guilty. I should feel angry with her or smug because she was guilty but I found myself pitying her because she looked so pathetic.

"I'm fine. Sorry for the noise," I told them flippantly.

"Are you sure?" Cora, blessed her gentle soul, was persistent. And genuinely worried.

"Yes, I am. I'm turning in," I told them, bolting the door without waiting. I remembered Rachelle mentioning a letter but it wasn't later, after I had accidentally slept, that I opened the blue envelope. Blue, because it was Mom's favorite color.

Dear Yumi,

We haven't heard from you since last year that is starting to be worried. You know you promised that you'd write twice a year. Are you well? We're all fine here.

Anyway, Yuri and Yuji have started to listen to your advice about the TV. It's funny when you listen to someone only when that person is no longer around, right? I have been practicing my flute and I performed in front during dinner yesterday. Yay!

Tsuyoshi has been asking about you. I told you that he has a HUGE crush on you but you never listen! I don't know what to say to him except the truth-that you haven't been writing to us. And guess what? He was pissed! He even threatens to go to town to see you. In the end, I told him that you're fine and I promised to ask you to write to him. Don't be mad at me!

Oh, before I forget, Haha asked me to remind you not to forget to eat. She also reminds you to ignore the others; just concentrate on getting into college. I bet you'll be all right, Yumi, because I believe in you. We all believe in you!

Stay strong always!

Please write back. We miss you a lot! And remember about the letter to Tsuyoshi! :)

Your beloved sister,

Yuki.

I had not realized that I was crying until I saw the droplets of tears wetting the envelope. Quickly, I dabbed them dry and kept the letter in my private Pooh box. Typical Yuki and her stubbornness. I missed them so much that I wished I could call them right now. Then I did just that, but my hope was shortlisted when the line could not get through. Dumping myself on the floor, I wished that I could fly to Japan right away. I would do anything to be back with my family.

And Tsuyoshi-what would he think that the girl he liked was not a virgin anymore? Not that virginity is very valued in Japan but...I had always been the decent girl and never make mistakes.

Still, to err is human.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

TIME FLIES without us realising it. Graduation Day ended bleakly-without Jasper or Stephan by my side-but pleasantly-because Mr Yule personally presented the cert to me.