All Comments on 'Jay Ch. 01'

...submit a second chapter to this. This is a 3,200 collection of random words strung together in meaningless patterns. I was curious. The first phrase of dialogue came after almost 1,500 words had already been thrown at the reader--and that dialogue was incorrectly punctuated! The dialogue was terrible, by the way. Punctuation and spelling errors abounded. Apparently CH has never heard of a spell check.

Please take some classes in writing before your next attempt, CH.

Yes the story was progressing well, reasonable character development, reasonable story development, and then in the middle of the sentence you commited the faux pas of almost all Literotica Writers.

D I S C R E T E = in separate pieces

D I S C R E E T = tactful

"After a couple of dates when we went to a _discrete_ pub for drinks ". . . a Pub in Pieces? doubtful.

Thank Goodness your Advertisers can Write ...

"Literotica

Toy Store

ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & _DISCREET_ "

Like a Tree - Root in the path, it is.

Or maybe it's not you. Maybe some sub-editor, or typist somewhere . . .

Rant over, Get on with life, such as it is,

Yours,

Kilroy

Clark - do your own thing but look for useful criticism and look critically at criticism you think is useless: seriously; you may have missed the point.

Some people on this site go into a tizz like having a boil on the ass if they find something disagreeable. So what if you mixed up on discreet/discrete? Doesn't make you story any less valid. But it allowed someone to lance his boil and put you on a bit of a learning curve.

The criticism you received about not having early dialogue is valid. Monologues especially for lively readers can become boring very quickly. I suggest you search the Internet for 'Writing Skills: Dialogue' and while you're there also try 'Writing Skills: Show Not Tell.' You could find something useful.

In the meantime keep on writing. Don't bother going to writing classes. Just look up Top Lists and read a few of the top 10 or 20 articles and try to figure what they're got that you haven't...yet. You'll probably conclude not a great deal but perhaps it's that little bit of difference which is what really counts. Also remember poor writing can still tell a good story. When you start asking yourself why did that writer express himself/herself in that way then you are on the way to lifting your act Clark. And believe in the theory: You can only get better, but to do that you must keep writing and do things to get sizzle into your writing. I'm giving you 25 as encouragement. It was worth that anyway for some of the images your wording presented.

It may be a true story, and that makes It a truth that you and slut Angela are cheating assholes.