All Comments on 'Jessica's Ignorance of Adulthood'

I can't rate a story about a man selling his daughter as a whore at any level other than a one.

I have to agree a guy selling his daughter its just disgusting and i couldnt even finish the story

I don't mind the concept of a father selling his daughter at all. The fact that you have all of two paragraphs devoted to any actual sex makes the story less then useless, though.

It's a story! Why read Literotica if you wanted something boring and mundane. I thought it was pretty good and hope for it to continue.

Develop your story for us pervs, please. Give more detail about her use, and please allow the boss to start training her and using her in nastier, hotter ways. He paid a lot for her so it's natural he's going to want to use her in all three holes, maybe share her, etc.

So many mistakes. Numbers under 100 have to be written out; "Two glasses."

""Well(comma) if it's alright(all right) with you," he asked - comma - hoping "

"she said (always a comma after said, asked, etc) with out (without is one word) thinking twice."

"Well(comma)lets (let's) see," she said"

"A figure comes inside and sits on the chair next to the door. " You stick a paragraph in present tense into a story written in past tense?

Proofreading: " tinniest wave of warm," "tiniest"

"she sat down at the seat sitting directly across from him" If she sat, we know she's sitting. "She sat on a (sofa/chair/)directly across from him."

" he said (remove "pleasantly") pleased with himself as he noticed her bodies(body's) arousal".

" She looked down to find herself completely bare and uncovered." "bare" and "uncovered" mean the same thing. Remove one.

"While struggling against his hold, he effortlessly" He was struggling against his own hold?

"at the same time tore off the thin panty layer she was wearing underneath her skirt." But you just said she was completely bare.Completely bare except for a skirt and underwear??

" Now squealing and and half-consciously begging for release, he slowly pushed" You've got HIM squealing and begging.

"hated herself for responding like how she did." "like how" is very bad grammar.

" to her firmly erected nipples," No need for the "firmly." Erect (not erected) IS firm.

"the soft texture of her nipples." They aren't "erected" anymore?

You need to chop up some of those huge paragraphs.

There are too many errors to cover here, but I hope this will give you a good idea of where to start.

You brought up great points regarding the technical shortcomings of a story that I can hardly remember and wrote nearly 10 years ago, and rest assured, this type of feedback would have been tremendously helpful back then.

It's almost tempting to delete my old stories, but at the same time I'm still curious to see how they'll compare when placed side by side with my future release.