by WFEATHER
You all do realize this is just chapter two right? Let the man tell his story and grow some patience to be able to wait for more chapters I personally love the build up. Keep it up :)
First introduction to Jo, first paragraph: she steps out of the car, I gave her a hug "and a few moments later we were taking her laundry down to the basement." I just don't get it...
god, I love your stories. you have me hooked on this one...please write faster! ;)
While I will be among the first to admit that this selection is indeed written superbly on a technical level (barring a very few small and minor typos), the story seems to lack any real tension or intrigue. I'd suggest ramping up the excitement factor just a touch to keep it interesting. And I also think that more direct interaction with Jo would go a long way towards humanizing her a bit more- right now she's just this cardboard cut-out of a person and it's hard to feel anything for or about her. The same can be said for the narrarator, too, actually. Just food for thought.