Just an Average Guy

"How about Lover-Boy?" I asked. I already knew what became of him because my friends took care of him for me, but I wanted to play dumb.

"He died in a fight in the yard in prison. They don't like his type of criminal in jail."

"Well if Amy asks you about making arrangements for her mother, give her the money necessary. If she's clean and drug free, support her on my dime until she completes her education and can support herself. If she's not clean, then give her enough so she can OD. Then bury them both in unmarked graves." I replied.

I know that sounds mean, but I'd rather have my daughter dead than living the life of an addict on the street. If she OD'd she would give up life with no suffering. If she lived on the street she would still die but at the hands of some pimp or pervert. I didn't want her to suffer if she couldn't kick her addiction.

But somehow if Amy managed to beat the odds, recover, and stay drug free. I guess, I'd make sure she had enough money for a second chance. Hell I had millions, what's a few dollars for my kid. Maybe, just maybe, she'd beat the odds.

It was four years later when I stopped in town to visit Alan, my old attorney. We hadn't talked in years. He was retiring and closing down his practice. I wanted to stop by, wish him well in his retirement, and present him with a monetary gift. He was a good friend. Actually he was my only friend; I was a lonely old man. No one gave a shit whether I lived or died except him.

As I drove my new Bentley through town; I relived a lot of memories. Some of them pleasant and some...well you know. I took the extra time to drive around and visit some of the property I once owned. Most of the area's I had picked for owning apartments in had prospered over the years. My old holdings were looking good. Most of my old commercial property also showed signs of gaining in value. Too bad divorcing Wendy had forced me to sell these units and hide my wealth.

I always wondered if I had told Wendy about all my holding, she might have respected me more. It was too late now for that experiment.

I parked in front of my attorney's offices and went in. The building was one of the few I still owned. I kept it because of it being home to my lawyers practice. I wanted to keep him safe so he could look after my interests. I wanted to deed the building to him now so that he would have something to provide for his old age now that he was retiring. That was my gift to him.

"Hi you old bastard," Alan, my lawyer greeted me.

"It takes on to know one," I replied.

We then hugged and shook hands. The intervening years just disappeared as we both started telling the other all the things we had done over those years. When we finally slowed down, he said, "Aren't you going to ask about your daughter, Amy?"

"Not really, but I'll bet you are going to tell me anyway."

"Actually Bill you'll be proud of her. When she was released from jail she entered another drug rehab program. She completed the whole program and then stayed on as a councilor. She kicked her addiction." Alan continued.

"Whoopee, " the sarcastic part of me exclaimed. While a secret part of me was glad she made it.

"No really. Amy stayed there and also enrolled in a social worker program at our local college. She has done really well. She completed the four year course in three years. She graduates next month."I was informed. "Besides you paid for it all. I took a liberal interpretation of your instructions"

"One other thing Bill, you might want to meet your son-in-law, Frank Murphy, and your granddaughter, Vivian. The baby is almost seven months now and she's starting to develop a real personally now. She's going to be a real beauty when she grows up. A real heart breaker."

"Just like her grandmother," I thought. "A real heart breaker."

Alan continued, "You also paid for all their costs above and beyond what his meager income would cover. Including a nanny names Chloe. I put her in the apartment across the hall from the kids and had her pretend to be nothing more than a helpful neighbor, who was bored in her retirement and wanted to help. Her being available all the time to babysit and stuff allowed Amy to continue her studies and allowed Frank to progress in his job."

I gave into the pressure being applied and agreed to remain in town through the graduation and watch the event.

When the graduation approached Alan somehow arranged for us to attend not only the graduation ceremonies, but the pre and post events also. At one of the pre-gatherings, I spotted my daughter and her husband.

I was impressed it had been years since I had seen Amy and she had inherited her mother's beauty.

I had always known that my daughter had inherited her mother's genes. But Amy turned out to be a real beauty. Amy was the spitting image of her mother, the only woman I had ever loved. I felt a little sadness in my heart. I guess that this graduation might be a little harder on me than I thought.

I took my friend away from the crowd and said, "I don't want to get involved in Amy's life anymore. So don't expect me to run up and greet them, it's just too hard. Promise me that."

"I promise", he answered.

The next day Alan and I sat about midway in the stands. We heard the graduating student being announced as they crossed the stage. Their parents and friends applauded or cheered as the diplomas were presented. When my daughter's turn came, her husband stood with their baby in his arms. I could see his tears from where I sat. The applauses sounded louder for her than for the others. I felt a little pride in my heart.

When my daughter reached the center, the dean stopped her.

"It is with great pleasure I present this special award to you, Amy Murphy. You were selected by your fellow students and by the facility for this distinction. Mrs. Murphy, you are being honored for you unselfish gifts to anyone who needed any encouragement. We all feel that because of your actions more of your peers have graduated in this class than any other class in the history of the school. The dropout rate since you started here is almost zero. Along with your diploma, you will find a certificate of appreciation signed by all members of this class as well as the facility. Amy, we all love you and will miss you."

As Amy crossed the stage, she received a standing ovation. I was as proud a parent as I had ever been. I guess that at this moment I felt more for her than I did when she was born. My little girl had turned out really well. I was glad for her.

Once the ceremony was over, I started back to my car. But with all the students and visitors the aisles were jammed. As I shuffled out with the crowd, I tried to keep my head down so I would not be recognized. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my daughter, her husband and my grandchild walking up the aisle near me.

"Shit," I thought. "I need a hole to open up so I could climb in and hide". I couldn't find one so I was trapped.

My daughter and her husband did not notice me, but my granddaughter did. I watched her out of the corner of my eyes as she watched my every move. She kept a grip around my son-in-law's neck while watching me. By now she was nearing 9 months and appeared to have a mind of her own.

In her little kid voice she started chanting, "Bopa." The term many children called their grandfathers. She started chanting and waving her arms and kicking her feet trying to get out of her father's grip. Amy reached over to take the baby from her husband when she glanced where the baby was pointing.

Unknown to me Chloe had been showing my granddaughter my picture and trying to explain who I was. The kid really learned her lesson.

To her credit, Amy didn't scream or pass out. All she said was, "Hi Dad. Thanks for coming and supporting us all these years. Alan spilled the beans to us about a month ago about your involvement in our lives."

I found out later that he had kept this small family under his protection for many years. He also let Amy know it was my money she was using to pay for her education and incidental expenses for all these years. He was playing the father I couldn't but still giving me credit for it.

I looked at her and smiled, "I wouldn't have missed your graduation for all the tea in China. And paying your expenses was the least I could do. After all it was I who left you on your own."

Amy's husband looked at me and stumbled. He really didn't exactly know how to handle the "reunion". I caught his arm to steady him. My granddaughter grabbed my shirt and started yelling, "bopa, Upie."

My daughter, Amy spoke first, "Vivian wants you to hold her, Dad. Would you like to carry your granddaughter?"

Before I had a chance to make a decision, I found myself carrying a very excited little girl. She was hugging me around my neck and telling everyone in ear shot that I was, "Bopa."

I was hooked. This little child had wormed her way into my heart. Suddenly I was a grandfather, father, and father-in-law and loving every minute. My years of loneliness appeared to be over. My heart started to heal.

Soon we were standing in one of the large parking lots with Alan, my attorney. "Bill, let's get in your car and head to a restaurant so you can get reacquainted with your family. There are a lot of years to cover."

My son-in-law, Frank, flipped when he realized we were walking up to a Bentley Mulsanne, $300,000 worth of finely crafted automobile. He just stopped and stared amazement showing on his face.

I handed him the keys, "Wanna drive, son?" I asked. The glow from his grin overpowered the lights in the parking lot. I guess he wanted to drive.

We drove across the lot to his beat up old Ford to get the car seat and everything else required when traveling with a small child. I looked at the car and made my decision. Tomorrow he was getting his own set of keys to the Bentley. I'd get myself another car later.

Once under way, I found myself sitting in the back next to my granddaughter who was between Amy and I. Little Vivian held on to my arm, chattering to me like any small child. A rather large lump developed in my throat.

"Dad we have a lot to talk about," Amy said. "I need to do a lot of apologizing to you. I was a stupid, selfish kid. I never realized how much me leaving to go to Mom hurt you"

"No you don't need to apologize. I'm proud to see that you got your life turned around and now have a great little family. And I finally realized that you needed your mother all those years ago, and she needed you too. I just sorry both of you had to be taken advantage of by that James creep."

"But Dad..."

I interrupted by saying, "I like to be a part of your new life, if you'll have me. I too made a lot of mistakes in our relationship and I'd like to make it up to you."

"We have a lot to discuss. And I hope I never see that James again. He ruined my mother with his lies and me with his perversions and drugs. If Frank hadn't found me I'd still be in jail or dead from an overdose. It took until my fourth try before I overcame my addiction. Frank was the reason I succeeded . His love helped me overcome that final hurtle. Now little Vivian is my reason for staying clean. There is so much I, as her mother, want to share with her."

Amy cried, not out of sadness, but with a sense of family for most of our ride. I guess she finally felt complete.

All through dinner, the next day at their apartment, and the days after at my hotel, we talked. We actually talked for the next month. We reconciled all those years of pain and loneliness. We eventually blamed all our problems on my late wife and her attitude toward me.

We agreed that Wendy was a selfish individual. She paid no attention to anything but her own wants. Wendy was beautiful on the outside, but empty on the inside. But I still missed her. I knew that no one on this Earth would ever replace her in my heart.

My daughter Amy came to realize that I wasn't the bad guy her mother painted me, but just a guy who was a lot greater that my dead wife ever realized. At some point in our discussions, Amy looked at me and said, "You still love her don't you Dad?"

"It still hurts when I think of all the contempt she had for me, but you're right, I guess some part of me still loves her."

I was not a wimp. I loved her with all my heart, but a long time ago she hurt me to the bone, I did what had to be done to Wendy to save myself from destruction.

My attorney dropped a bombshell on us about two months into our reconciliation. At dinner with us one night he asked, "What do you guys want me to do with Wendy's ashes? They have been sitting on a shelf in my office for a very long time."

Well you could have heard a pin drop at the table. The silence was broken by my granddaughter chanting, "Want Nana."

Amy and I looked at each other.

"Dad, I guess I thought that since I was in jail when she died, I'd never get the chance to say goodbye. Now that I've met you and heard your story, there are a lot of things I'd like to say to Mom. Some of them not very nice. Can we go get her?"

"Ok I guess. There are some things I'd like to tell her also. But I'm not apologizing for anything I did to her. After all the years of pain she put me through before she died, she deserved what I did to her."

"Dad, I'm not saying you did wrong. Remember I lived with her and that ass hole that raped me and turned me into an addict. They deserved everything you did to them. And while we're on the subject, so did I. I was a bitch toward you. It took me reaching bottom in jail before I started to turn my life around when I realized what I had done to you."

Frank interrupted, "Dad, I met her at a half way house where she was working as a councilor. I was in rehab there for a drinking problem. She was on her way back and I fell in love with her at that point. She helped me kick my alcohol addiction and I supported her in her attempts to get clean. We haven't been apart since."

Eventually we all agreed that Vivian should have some sort of a connection with her grandmother even if it was only to visit a grave site. And it would also serve to give Amy and I a place to go to express our anger at Wendy.

Later that day, we got the urn from my attorney's office. I put the urn in the Bentley's trunk remembering that Wendy never liked riding in the back seat because she got car sick.

I hoped the trunk would magnify the affect. I guess I still had a few bad feelings toward my wife.

Epilog

We moved to Virginia and I bought a small farm outside of a major city. My son-in-law and I agreed to raise a few horses and run a small stable operation where folks from the city could stable their horses and ride them in a country setting.

Wendy's ashes would eventually be buried in a small family plot on our farm. The plot contained the remains of a family unit that lived here in the mid 1800's and had once owned part of the property. We cleaned up the plot and erected a small picket fence to enclose it. We left room for a few extra grave sites.

The last thing I did was have a headstone made for Wendy. It said:

"Wendy Adams"

"1956 to 1995"

"Cancer Victim "

"She will be missed by all who loved her."

"We All Forgive You"

As the years went by, I noticed that my granddaughter played with her books in that little grave yard a lot. One day I asked her why?

"Cause Grandma talks to me and is helping me learn to read." She said as if this was a perfectly normal occurrence.

"Boppa, she says she's sorry she hurt you. Someday she will make it all up to you. She also told me that now she can see what a good man you are and would like you to forgive her."

"She also asks if she can wait here in the cold and dark until it's your turn. Then she wants to know if you would let her walk into the light with you.

That way she could be with you forever."

A little voice said in my head, "Also it was a nice try, William, but I don't get car sick anymore."

I dropped to my knees and started hugging Vivian.

"Boppa, why are you crying?"