Just Say No

Hi folks. I wrote this as a style exercise, trying to get a minimalist, yet erotic effect while scoring as high as possible on the Flesch readability scale on Word's grammar checker. It gets a reading ease over 90 and a grade level of 3. But is it erotic? Please vote. Please comment. It helps me improve. Thanks.

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She is eighteen today.

She is a virgin. She has been obsessing about that.

She thinks Jason would be a good first lover.

She wants a big man; she wants to feel tiny in his arms.

Jason is huge, perfect, and doesn't even know she exists.

She will insist on a large man. She wants it to be perfect, to be ravaged in a cultured sort of way, devoured, and turned every way but loose. She knows what she wants.

She knows she has been obsessing about it.

She leaves the late revelers and wanders down the long garden.

The gate is closed, moonlight shadowed by the trees.

The air is cool, and a slight mist rises from the ground.

She hugs herself and looks out beyond the gate at the land as it goes down to the river.

She decides she will go back, to her bedroom this time, and masturbate. Again thinking of Jason.

A tiny motion at the corner of her eye.

A man appears to her out of the mist.

He is very tall, and seems much older than she.

He asks if he may come in via the gate.

He is pale, seems cultured wearing a Goth cape; making the Goth Look stylish again.

She opens the gate for him and allows him past, shutting it behind him.

He brushes lightly against her and apologizes.

His name is Vladimir.

They talk there by the gate, in the moonlight, under the trees.

He talks of many places, much experience; he listens to her.

After a while, he kisses her, holding her face gently between his large hands.

She stands on tiptoe to receive it.

They talk some more, she speaks of the callow young men she knows.

She says, "Have you had many lovers?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about your lovers."

She thinks she is clever.

"A gentleman does not discuss these matters."

She knows now she wants to be his lover, to have him for her first time.

"Do you always woo your lovers?"

"I sometimes woo them, some woo me, and some turn me away."

"How do you win them? Why do they turn away?"

"I can only show you."

"Then show me."

He gathers her hands loosely in one of his behind her back, and then kisses her again.

She is slim, eager; her hips are wide, waist narrow.

His free hand rests on her hip; his fingers cup her firm young rump.

She allows him to nuzzle her neck as the back of his free hand then caresses her front.

She says, "I have been obsessing about an older man."

He pulls her then gently in to his front, kissing her again, deeper this time, and moves her back against the iron gate, under the trees.

She begins to shrink, twisting weakly away.

He stills her with another kiss, still holding both her hands gently in one of his at the small of her back.

"I also have an obsession. You can pull free or say no anytime; I will stop and this will be over."

His free hand roams her front slowly, sliding over the fabric of her shirt, the modest swellings under it, and their smaller crisping bumps. He watches her face.

Her arms quiver. She longs to break free; reach around his neck and pull him hard to her mouth.

He nibbles her neck, lifts her hands a bit and weighs her breasts with his free hand, murmuring in her ear, "Be still, I know how; I know what you want."

He breaths in her ear a long cool breath, and licks lightly around it before nipping it gently.

"I think about this often," he says, "Even obsessively."

He nibbles again at her neck as his hand slide along her collarbone, sliding down, down her front to the proud rise of her pubis where the buttons of her fly gleam in the moonlight.

His fingers slide between her thighs to the center and lift.

The pressure feels good; she begins to soften, to moisten.

Her legs tremble.

He looms over her as he turns to face her again, sliding his feet in between hers and bringing her away from the gate a few inches.

He bends to the other ear and breathes in to it, "Hold the gate. If you let go I will stop."

Her fingers tremble, butterfly light on the cool iron as she complies.

His hands, cool over hers spread them wider on the gate.

He reaches under her top to release her bra.

Her breasts wait for the touch that soothes her want; her nipples tingle.

He only just touches them and they spark fire to her groin, growing tight.

His hands go to the small of her back and pull her waist to his hips.

His penis is hard on her belly.

He uses his feet to maneuver hers back to the gate, and wider, much wider apart.

He cups her bottom and lifts her whole body against his hard cock, and kisses her deeply; his tongue searches her hot mouth.

Her hot breath follows his lips as he nibbles her throat, forcing her head farther back.

She is bent back in a lusty pose now with her hips pressed forward to his cock.

He tells her to stay like that.

His hands go to her flies. There are five buttons, and below a strong double sewn seam.

It is tight tucked high in her groove.

She has no belt, no belt loops, the jeans ride low. She modified them so, to be sexy.

He presses her mound firmly.

His hand rises in to her groin from below, mashes the buttons with one hand as he firms her hips from behind.

He feels her legs as a rider might feel the legs of his mare.

She moans and leans in to him, glories to the pressure.

This is what her Obsession imagined it would be like.

He slips the first button free and spreads the fabric open.

She whimpers and chews her lip.

In her Obsession she bought the jeans because they were nearly skin tight.

There is nothing under them.

His hand slides again under her groin to lift her.

"On you toes girl, I will make you my woman."

She rises, trembling, to her toes.

His fingers slip the next button loose.

She feels the seam in her wet slit as he twists the button.

She has worn the jeans naked beneath like this before, hoping.

He looks at her erect nipples and pinches them through her shirt, pulling strongly.

"Spread wider for me."

He looms all the way over her and kisses the nape of her neck as she spreads her feet wider, staying on her toes for him, leaning her cunt to him feeling surrounded by him.

He uses one hand to support her ass as he works the next button free. She begins to pant.

He says, "Kiss me".

She turns her face up and devours his lip hungrily as his fingers work the next button.

He says to her mouth, "You bad girl, I feel hair, not panties."

She giggles in to his mouth, "I like to be naughty, do what you want with me."

He groans as he loosens the last button.

The jeans gape free.

She is ecstatic as his hand slips in to cup her wet center.

"You shouldn't tempt me like that."

His finger slips down her dark forest grove seeking the entry.

She is wet wet wet.

"Do it, do anything you want. It feels so good."

He growls as he works his finger deeper.

She arches to him as he slides slowly past the delicious tightness within.

"More. Do more. I am yours."

She throws her head back as he bends darkly down to her throat.

His fangs protrude.

While his fingers rummage; he drinks her Obsession, her soul, her blood.

She falls, drained of all. He says, "We could have just said no."