Karen Ch. 05

Jack Bell sat stoically, listening to Karen explain how she felt about her "physical attraction" to Jim Belsen and her intention to have a "brief" affair with him. As she spoke he felt almost overcome with a sense of loss and sorrow. He knew that his life would never be the same.

Then, almost insidiously, he felt another emotion supersede the angst. At first he didn't recognize it - it was alien to him. He didn't remember ever feeling anything like this. Suddenly he recognized it - anger, no, more than anger. He felt a burning, white hot, almost irrational rage. It threatened to overwhelm him and he had to fight it down. He grappled with it and exerted control over it. He shaped it and compressed it until it was a small, burning coal buried in his psyche.

He would not shout, he would not berate, he would not run amok, but he would give outlet to it. His rage would be satisfied and Karen would recognize what she had done to him and to his marriage.

Jack saw Karen seated there, anxiously looking at him, awaiting his response. He fought his ire and began in a level voice.

"It appears that you've thought this out very carefully, but I think that you haven't taken a few things into consideration, my dear. I seem to remember a few words exchanged many years ago during a wedding ceremony in which we participated."

Karen made to interrupt him, but he waved her down. "I gave you your opportunity to speak, now it's my turn, so please just shut the fuck up."

Karen's mouth snapped shut as she looked at Jack, shocked at his language. He had never ever used foul language in her presence, let alone directly to her. She recognized the need to be quiet.

"Let me see," continued Jack. I seem to remember words such as 'love, honor and cherish'. It seems to me that adultery is a strange manner in which to honor me or our marriage."

Karen flushed and suddenly felt faint. This wasn't going as she had planned. Jack was supposed to be sympathetic and understanding. What was happening to her plan?

" I also seem to recall another phrase - 'forsaking all others?' Jack asked. "Yes, that was it, 'forsaking all others'. The meaning of those words seem to preclude fucking other people - at least thats what it means to me."

Jack stopped pontificating suddenly and confronted Karen. "Have you fucked him?" he snapped.

Karen just stared at him. She didn't recognize her husband. She had never seen him like this. The coldness in his voice chilled her. She couldn't reply.

"Goddamn it, answer me, wife" he spat at her. "Have you fucked him yet. Answer the damn question."

The steel in his voice forced an answer from her. Hesitantly, she answered softly. "I'm sorry, Jack. We had one meeting." She colored and lowered her head. She was totally flummoxed, she never expected such a reaction from Jack.

"Meeting?" he laughed cruelly. "Meeting is an interesting euphemism. By 'meeting' I'll take it that the two of you have fucked already. Was he as good as you remembered, Karen? How many times did he get you off? Did you suck his cock? Did he come in your mouth? "

Karen stared at her husband. Who was this cruel and vindictive man? This wasn't Jack. Suddenly, she was very unsure of herself. Her plan which seemed so rational was falling to pieces before her. Suddenly she recognized that perhaps her actions were going to provoke reactions for which she was totally unprepared..

Jack kept attacking, he was relentless. "Your little, sordid fuck-fest sickens me. Your adultery and infidelity cheapens you and makes mockery of our marriage. But you know something, my dear? As much as I'm nauseated by your cheating and betrayal, there is another aspect of this that totally outrages me, That makes me realize that our marriage has been a sham, and that in all the years that we have been together you never have really gotten to know who I am, what kind of man I am."

Jack looked at her in contempt. "You actually thought that I would be a willing cuckold to your whoring. You actually thought that I would sit by and willingly allow my wife to fuck another man. You actually thought that I would be a spineless, weak wimp of a husband. You have shown that you have absolutely no respect for our marriage, and even more devastating to me, you have absolutely no respect for me." he continued.

Karen was ashen. She had suddenly and forcefully come to the realization that she had made a major and tragic error of judgment. She had managed to categorize a brief and not too meaningful affair too lightly. She had not recognized how devastating what she had done would be - to Jack and to her marriage.

"What was I thinking? Had I actually lost my mind?" Jack's words penetrated her heart like arrows from a bow. She was now fully aware of the magnitude of her error. Her little "fling" was more than a mistake. It could be the ruin of everything she held dear.

"Karen," continued Jack. "I have loved you for what seems like my entire adult life. Never would I have jeopardized our union with another woman and it sickens me to discover that not only are you an adulteress, but you consider me a candidate for cuckolding. Right now I believe that you have very effectively destroyed any love I have had for you."

Karen sat and let Jack's hurtful words wash over her like acid from a vial. Tears had begun to flow and she sobbed quietly, but Jack was not yet finished.

"Karen, right now I really don't care who you fuck. You can take on the entire 82nd Airborne if you wish. Right now I have to get you out of my sight. I am leaving you; let the lawyers iron out any settlement."

With that said, Jack heaved himself slowly from the chair and proceeded to the bedroom where he began to pack as much of his clothing as he could as well as basic toiletries.

Karen appeared at the doorway, ashen and trembling. "Jack, please, I beg you. Let's talk - we must talk." she pleaded, tearing streaming down her cheeks.

"Karen, I have never raised a hand to you, but if you don't get out of my sight right now I cannot guarantee your safety. Just get the fuck away from me," Jack snarled.

Karen stepped back ,sobbed and then ran to the guestroom where she threw herself across the bed. She curled into a fetal position and gave vent to her grief. She was certain that Jack was lost to her for good. What she hadn't taken into consideration was that Jack was a prideful man and despised disloyalty. She had betrayed him by her tryst with Jim and then had, in her stupidly conceived plan, actually rubbed his face in that betrayal.

"Oh my God, " she thought to herself. "I totally destroyed my life and for what? I'll never get Jack back - I've hurt him too deeply. What the hell am I going to do? How can I live without him? How can I undo what I have done - all for the sake of a meaningless physical attraction."

Suddenly, Karen examined that attraction. She was stunned to discovered that the lust that she felt for Jim Belsen was totally gone. She felt absolutely nothing now. The horror that she had evoked was enough to quell any lust she may have had for Jim Belsen.

"Why did it take such a catastrophe to wake me up," she wailed. "Did I have to destroy myself to recognize the stupidity of what I was doing?" Karen heard the front door open and shut and she knew that Jack was gone.

*******************

Jack Bell sat in his car after loading his suitcases in the trunk. "What do I do now," he asked himself. "A hotel, ok - but not that downtown Marriott, that's for sure." He quickly made a decision and drove to a hotel near the airport and reserved a room for a week. He felt that he would, hopefully, have made some decisions about his future by that time.

He unpacked in somewhat of a daze. The intensity of the emotions that had washed over him the past couple of hours drained him. He still felt the anger, but it was a bit muted now. He sat down heavily and just let his mind rest. While the anger was still simmering he could now feel the total overwhelming sense of sorrow, sadness and desolation.

A line from an old poem by Whittier suddenly flashed across the screen of his mind, 'of all sad words both tongue and pen, the saddest are these: what might have been'.

Tears formed and he allowed himself the catharsis of relief. He sat and cried as he had never cried before. He was lost, totally lost. His life was now without meaning and his future looked grim and bitter. He knew he had decisions to make, but for the life of him, right now he couldn't make a decision about if he should pee or not.

Jack got very little sleep that night. He couldn't get the visions of Karen actually fucking another man out of his head. The realization of what she had done, and what she was planning to continue, just rocked him to his roots. That she actually believed that he would be ok with this astounded him. If she really believed that, then obviously she had no clue about who he was and what kind of man he was.

He finally fell into a fitful sleep at dawn, but woke a couple of hours later. Nightmares had filled that fitful rest forcing him from the bed. He realized that it was Saturday and he thankfully did not have to face anyone at the office. He was sure that his face reflected the agony that he felt.

"Ok," he reasoned. "I have decisions to make and I need a clear head. First thing is to get something to eat and hope that I don't throw it up. I will need the energy."

After a very light breakfast in the hotel dining room, Jack returned to his room. He recognized that the primary emotion simmering in him was anger and he fought again to control it. He felt like lashing out physically against Karen, but he knew that he could never harm her. He also had decided that Mr. James Belsen was not going to go scot free. Belsen knew that Karen was married, yet he participated in her adultery.

Jack wondered if Belsen was married. "Shit" he thought. " If he is married I can make him suffer as he had made me suffer." Jack hesitated, he was not by nature a vindictive man, but right now he didn't know who he was. He knew he needed to lash out at someone.

He picked up the phone and dialed information. "Hello operator, I need the number of a James Belsen, it may be a new one."

Moments later, "Sir, I have a listing for a James and Sara Belsen." and she recited that phone number.

"Son of a bitch," muttered Jack. "The prick is married. He's no better than Karen. Maybe they deserve each other." He thought for a second and then picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello," a woman's voice answered after two rings.

"Hello, is this Mrs. Sara Belsen?" asked Jack, resolve tightening his voice.

"Yes, it is - who's calling please?" she answered hesitantly.

"Mrs. Belsen, my name is Jack Bell, my wife is Karen Bell and she is employed at TCM Industries, where I believe your husband works."

In the space of a heartbeat, Sara Bell had all of her fears realized. Everything came together when Jack Bell identified himself. He really didn't have to say another word, she KNEW.

Sara gathered herself together quickly and replied, "Hello Jack, you probably don't remember me, but we shared a few classes. I was two years behind you in school. Back then I was Sara Rinker. I'm really not all that surprised by your call."

Jack sat with his mouth agape, stunned. Sara Rinker, his mind flashed back over the decades. He did remember her, a well built, attractive brunette, and now she was Belsen's wife??? Jack felt that he was in the middle of a maze, circles within circles. He then remembered that Jim Belsen had dated Sara in school. He never took great notice, but had heard that nothing had come of it. Now here they show up as husband and wife. "Coincidence is a cruel son-of-a-bitch," he thought.

"Jack, I think I know why you called. Would you like to meet for lunch?" asked Sara.

She knew, he felt sure that she knew - yet she was calm and composed. She was a lot more controlled than he, but he knew that he must speak with her.

"Sara," Jack spoke softly. "I do remember you and I'm terribly sorry for the information I have to give you, but I will say nothing right now. Can you come to the airport Hilton around 1? We can have lunch here."

"That sounds fine, Jack. I'll see you then," replied Sara and she gently lowered the phone to its base. She sat for a moment while tears filled her eyes. She knew that Jim was weak and could be easily influenced. She didn't know that he would put their marriage in jeopardy again.

Jack saw her enter the dining room on time. Despite all of the years, he did recognize her. He noticed that she had kept her figure and that she was attracting the eyes of quite a few men there.

Jack approached and greeted her. "Hello Sara, it really is good seeing you after so long a time. I wish it could be under more pleasant circumstances."

"Thank you, Jack," she replied as she seated herself at the table. "I gather that this meeting is not going to be pleasant for either of us," she said softly while making sure that they would not be overheard. Jack had chosen well, their table was well removed from other diners.

Jack found it difficult to speak. Having to reveal his humiliation and his cuckolding was going to be difficult. He felt his anger rising again and took a deep breath to calm himself.

Sara saw his emotional torment. She put her hand on his. "Jack, I don't think you have to get into specifics. Jim and Karen have been intimate, am I correct?"

Jack relaxed a bit and sighed. "Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it. Karen 'confessed' this to me last night, but that's not the worst of it. She told me that she wanted to get her 'physical attraction' to Jim out of her system by having a 'brief affair'. She actually thought that I would be ok with that - that I would sit by and allow her to humiliate and betray me. I could not believe that she felt so little respect for me to even entertain the notion that I would allow that. I just can't see how our marriage can survive this." Jack had to look down as he felt his eyes tear up.

Sara gazed at him sympathetically. "Jack," she said softly. "You are in no condition to make any decisions right now. Your emotions are too raw for you to do anything for awhile."

Jack suddenly realized that he wasn't the only one impacted by his wife's infidelity. Sara was in the same boat, and it appears that she was handling it a lot better than he.

"My God, Sara," Jack blurted out. "You must also be suffering and I have totally ignored your pain. Please forgive me, but tell me what you have in mind. What are you going to do?"

Sara thought for a moment. She actually had no idea what she was going to do, but she knew that she needed time to herself. All of a sudden she was very happy that she was leaving Monday for a few days away. It would occupy her as well as giving her some time in which to make some decisions concerning her future, with or without Jim Belsen.

"Jack, I really don't know right now. All of this is too new and too raw. Fortunately, I have to leave Monday for a few days for my work. Maybe that will give me the time to evaluate exactly how I feel and what my options are."

Jack just shook his head in amazement. This was quite an impressive woman. Quiet, contained and very rational. Perhaps he had pursued the wrong woman in college. He did know that he had to come to terms with how he felt about his wife. Did he still love her or did he hate her - or was it both?

****************

Sara was contemplative as she drove home. She knew that she would have to also make decisions, as did Jack, but what they would be eluded her. One thing she did know, Jim would have to go, at least for awhile. He had to be made to realize that adultery is not something that she was going to continue to tolerate.

She realized that Jim had always been weak and had never really felt strongly about anything. He just went along, taking the path of least resistance . He was good at shmoozing, shooting the bull with his contemporaries, which, she guessed, accounted for his somewhat modest success in his job. But he never really took a stand on important issues and, over the years, Sara realized that she had lost almost all respect for him. She eventually realized that he was basically a shallow man. Jim was not evil, just rather superficial.

Arriving home, she found Jim in the garage tinkering with the lawn edger. "Jim," she called. "Come into the house. I need to talk with you."

Jim followed her into the house and seated himself across from her in the den. He looked at her questioningly; he was a bit concerned at her serious mien.

"What's up, honey? I hope that there isn't a problem with your trip on Monday. I know that you aren't exactly crazy about going to begin with."

"This has nothing to do with my trip, " Sara snapped. "It has to do with whether I want our marriage to continue. Don't even try to start your bullshit, Jim. I know all about your little mini affair with Karen Bell and I now have to make a decision about where this marriage is headed."

"Honey, she has been after me since I started work there. I really tried to calm her down," Jim protested. "I really thought that if we did it once, it would be over. It meant nothing, you know that I love you."

Sara felt a little relief that Jim was not going to try to get out of this. At least he admitted to the affair. The problem was that she knew that this wasn't the first time Jim had strayed. She had never made a fuss before because she knew that none of his indiscretions were serious or long lasting, but she now realized that enough was enough. While she was fond of Jim, she knew that she no longer really loved him and she had to decide if she wanted to continue in a marriage based on "fondness."

"Jim, I want you to listen very carefully to me. I think that you had better pack a bag or two and leave. We need to be apart for awhile when we both decide where we're going."

"Jesus, Sara, We can get over this. It was no big deal." Jim was pleading with her. The shock of her words scared the living daylights out of him. He never thought that Sara would ever go this far. She had always given him plenty of latitude.

Actually, his life with Sara was very comfortable. She was a great homemaker, cook and bed partner. Even when he was screwing around a bit, it was always reassuring to know that he had a great wife and home to which he would return. Love didn't really enter into it. She also brought in quite a respectable income, which together with his, provided them a very upper middle class existence. The thought of losing all of this was frightening.

"Perhaps we can, Jim. But I insist that we put some time and distance between us. This isn't open to negotiation. I want you to pack and leave. I'll be flying out on Monday and we will talk again when I return. Please, I don't want any arguments, just do what I ask."

Jim Belsen sat, stunned and now speechless. He recognized that Sara meant what she said and that further protestations were useless. He rose and quietly left the room and headed upstairs to begin packing.