by justboycrazy
We didn't need to know what kind of car Kat drove, what she packed into it, the fact that she stopped for gas, etc. She spent money to spend this time with people she only knew via computer contacts?
Good, creative work. I suggest you would help the flow if you tried to make the dialogue more natural. Look at the first discussion of whether Kat had had a 3some. You kept repeating the whole question instead of Kat just saying, "No, I haven't." That was only issue being discussed and so people in conversation do not keep repeating full descriptions. Do keep writing as I want to see you your next few stories. Thanks.