All Comments on 'Laid Bare Ch. 05'

Arguably the best written chapter of this story so far. Nothing in it that couldn’t have happened in a real life situation, and possibly has, which makes it even more believable. In a chapter like this there is no room for fantasy. Worthy of a 5 plus. I had to look up “skerrick” and I now have a new word in my vocabulary. But using Australian slang in a story set in Hicksville USA? That I’m not so sure about.

Comma’s. Full stops. Semi-colons. When and when not to use them and using the wrong one. Speech tags. Also you can’t take the “g” off a word (scratchin’ instead of scratching) and then immediately follow it with “you hear” instead of “y’hear.” But only a few will be as pedantic as me which is evidenced by the rating. It’s just I like to see a good writer get better but if both you and other readers are happy whom am I to say?

I concur with the previous review; fantastic chapter. My prior nitpicks remain; overuse of certain words (diaphanous and gossamer, specifically) throughout all your stories.

I don't share the other reviewer's critique of your colloquial writing though...I find writers overdo that too often, and being from "Hickville" myself, I can attest that "y'hear" is simply not a commonly used contraction.