All Comments on 'Law of the Heart: Consequential...Ch. 02'

keep your day job.

The original ending stank but yours is worse.!!

After reading the orignal version over again, I have to say that yours is going much better. And forget what other people are saying, if you enjoy the way it's playing out then keep going. I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.

This part is poor, it fails to follow on from the original story. The first part of this was a good introduction but this lacks to be believable

Constructively - You are talented and new. You are playing with words and form that seem to interest you but really don't wear your purpose well. The theme is compelling but to draw it out, as seems your intent, worsens the credibility you seek.

A woman intelligent enough to be a lawyer wouldn't allow Sally to bend her without an angle. Her unknown to him awareness of his presence makes for a new innovative direction for you. Selling ice to a wimp eskimo husband appears to be her new selfish challenge (and yours too). It may not be your intent but perception is reality when drawn out this way.

Perhaps if you had told the story from your viewpoint in it's entirety you might have maintained the respect and interest you sought. Now it appears you are milking emotions illogically which offends rational minds.

I am not sure you realize the two obstacles you are trying to climb over here. She has already been found guilty in the prior pivotal story and in our minds. Now you are juxtaposing her in a new position and we have already got the rope and scaffold ready. Again if you had told the whole new story conclusion in it's entirety it might have been met with greater enthusiasm.

It is all part of the growing isn't it.

Good idea - great theme - but the execution can create, confuse or kill the readers enthusiasm can't it.

Thanks author - keep growing - with Regard

You are a talented write, but both your ending and the original ending make no sense. I'm waiting for the ending where he divorces his cheating wife, and her life is ruined because of her actions. If she wants to bring down Sally after that, fine. She's playing with fire in your story, but I just don't see it happening in real life.

First, to the nah sayers, oh be quite. You just don't like that the wife is , well sorta, faithful in this one. Crasy, moronic, twisted, SHOULD NOT have taken her top off or went NEAR as far as she did but still technically faithful.

Nice twist, totally caught me off guard but I liked it. As long as there isn't another twist to this!

Now the wife is smart but it seems that her messed up friend has been trying to mess her up for years.

Trust me, I know how that can be. We all have one friend or two that have different ideas than us on things. Like the Veggian at your BBQ or the Athest friend you watch football games with after you attend church.

Now at times these ppl will try to convince you to their way of thought. And if you are Best friends with them, it gets worse.

That is the situation here as I can see it. Well I hope that's what's happening here.

Another chapter! What will happen to the marrage!

Boy do you ramble and skip around in this story. I think you need to re-read your stories before you submit them. As for Jill, she really know how to put the blame right back on her husband and claim that all of her actions her his fault. Someone should give Sally a knuckle sandwich.

Actually, I liked the other story and ending better that this one.

Brilliant twist - I love it. Keep going

You look like you found the Twist that Headhunter needed before he fell in the first hole he dug after Ch6. Well done to get a reasonable alternate ending! When I read the originals Ch1-6, I was stunned how far HH took the emotions and torment of Jake to the edge of the abyss. I suggested in my earlier post that he would have difficulty getting an ending that was plausible and credible in that circumstance. I've enjoyed your variation to the theme in Cons 1&2, but you too have a major credibility canyon here with the characters. Jake's now only just starting to assert himself after wimping out at the dock, but he was in some shock, right? That's what Jake should have told the judge after what would most likely happen after he confronted Juan at the marina after Jill got so caught out with the boat antics. She cheated alright, she just hadn't fucked him at that point, but there's certainly major betrayal there, Sally's influence or not. Like HH, you're on sticky paper also, capeman, lets see how it goes. CAN'T WAIT FOR Ch 3! Also, I pray that HH is sufficiently charged up to show another alternate ending of his own.

what the fuck?!

I enjoyed seeing how you took the events and issues in the original and rebuilt them into a believable story.

I really enjoy your work!

Please keep it coming.

cageytee

Until now you did better than HH... Great twist, I didn't antecipate. But I still believe that the wife is not telling all of the truth to him...

Everything isn't totally plausible but it is better than the more expected and possibly trite endings that are so often written.

Jake's passivity was the problem in the original story. It was intolerable. I like to see original takes in stories. Sometimes the author can make things unbelieveable but this story, though not totally plausible, has some validity to it and I'd give credence to it. Let's have a somewhat happy ending for a change. There are no real happy endings in this genre but this, as it is going as of now, is as close as we will get.

Let's see where Chapter 3 goes. Hopefully things will be wrapped up well.

I liked this chapter much better, but I think you should have included the twist in the first chapter and then Jake and Jill's conversation in the second.

Overall it was a very enjoyable read, just a couple things bother me. Why did he tell her when he stopped looking at her and Juan on the yacht? Given the way she was acting with Juan at the time, I find it hard to believe she broke the embrace only a few moments AFTER her husband said that he had stopped looking. The answer was far too convenient, and she certainly didn't seem to despise Juan all that much when she didn't know her husband was watching. For a woman who thinks Juan is still an immature asshole, she has let him get away with far too much.

Also how can Jake be sure that Steve will tell him the truth? He had to have known that Jake would have had a big problem with what Jill was doing, and he made no attempt to stop her. Yes he wished that Jake was there, but will he tell Jake everything? Especially if he knows that the info will get Jill in trouble?

Even with her explanation that she thought Jake was possibly interested in sharing her, still doesn't give her the right to act like she did. Dancing the way she did with Juan, and then the hot tub action. She is by far the worse trangressor of the two.

I am curious to see how Sally fits into this with her motivations, and will Jill still see her as a friend when this is all over. I hope she doesn't, Sally is a destructive force in the lives of others that much is plain. Although this is a little far fetched, I can't help but wonder if Juan had any hand in all of this, or maybe Sally has her eyes on Jake.

Lastly Jake needs to take the offense more in their conversation, for a man who is shocked by his wife's actions that day, he is letting her lead the conversation far too much. He needs to ask more questions, after all she has some serious explaining to do, and I think she is being a little too calm for a woman who is on the verge of losing her marriage. Most women would lose their composure in this situation after seeing that their husband had taken his ring off as well. She only paled and then continued a few moments later, a more emotional response would have been fitting.

This was a very good chapter capecod, and I am looking forward to chapter 3. I have to admit the twist took me by surprise, and I congratulate you on that. Keep up the good work.

Even in this version, Jill's story has more holes in it than a block of swiss cheese. Sorry Doc, she can't be that smart if this behavior is Sally's influence, and no, we don't all have friends that change our behavior like that. Nothing can rationally explain her behavior with Juan. She wouldn't get those rings back any time soon. And she would have to do something special to start regaining his trust, and a simple fuck isn't what i'm talking about. Maybe he kicks Juan's ass and she walks up and kicks Juan in the ribs while he's down........in front of all their "friends", plus, Sally has to be brought down!

this is going down the same unbelievable path as HH's original.

That first quick 'come-on' was merely dishonest advertising, it promised something we will never get...

Oh well, bitten again by another writer who treats the women in his stories as witless airheads and the menas pussy whipped.

Have these people truly lived on this planet for more than three seconds?

In the original series she has been found out that she is cheating. When i saw this new series, i thaught it was going to have some kind of revenge in it. I don't see any consequences so far, in fact this part took on a whole new twist. Oh well maybe the consequences will come later.....At least i hope so.Her story has to many holes in it to.

This was a much better chapter then chap 1. At least you have a story line. I would still wish someone would write an ending to the original story. She cheated, he found out, she kept apoligizing, was she honest about it. Is he going to be a wimp or get revenge. You went back and changed the main story line. Why not give it another try and continue the ending to the original?

The author said that this story picks up after chapter 4 in the original so I dont see what is so bad about it (the hot-tub scene isnt really explained but husband is still getting answers). It was a twist and there may be more coming since Jake doesnt completely buy her story yet & she still seems to be feeling guilty about something.

This may not be 100% true to life & the wife may seem a little dumb (if she is actually telling the truth that is) but I think its a good story. She is offering explanations that, while maybe not probable, are at least possible. I think its a nice touch that the still his doubts since the wife's explanations seem stretched a bit far. Much better than letting her off the hook in an instant and begging for forgiveness.

I cant even guess about whats coming next. Do they confront the evil sally/susan? Are all the wife's innocent explanations lies and the non-fucking scene in the hotel a setup?

Not really sure why so many people are upset with the story. You can only write 'wife cheats, husband leaves her' so many ways. Suprises are good as long as they remain within the realm of possiblity IMO (and dont even have to be likely or obvious in a fictional story).

I think she and Juan were discussing how to get their story straight on what to tell him. I don't buy the "I wanted to see what you would do". I think they spent the night before in the sack together and needed to know that he wasn't there that night too. So much for bullshit bantering. If he can check around and find the right people he might find out a lot!!

When he was worried that she was with Juan all day, in a plan to get his permission to fuck around, she was happy. She then knew he wasn't around the night before to KNOW that Juan, and maybe Hector, were fucking her.

I just don't quite believe her story. It is smoothed over too much!

But why do the female characters always have to be either stupid or scheming to get their friends into trouble?

And, why is it always the husband's fault? "You don't dance with me like you used to" What a load of shit excuse for going off with another man. Then the husband, who started out with a bit of backbone at the start of the story dissolves into a blob of jelly and believes it IS his fault.

You now have the story at the stage where I couldn't care less whether she cheated or not, and the poor limp dicked husband accepts all her crap about it being his fault. Who is there in this story to side with or care about?

Nice writing. In the original story, Jake was portrayed as a real Dumbo. In reading your sequal ,it makes sense, because it appears in your story that Jill is equally dumb. I can't imagine how either one of them ever wins a case in a sane court.

60 year old George

CRAP--B.S.--Stop writing

Your stories are all crap and just like you,a bunch of sissy wimp ass faggots who let their wifes fuck around.

Well if you read between lines in this story lawyers are a lot like a boat, ya just a big fucking hole in the water to throw your money in. But it is well written, and with my warped sense of humor I think it's funny.

It seems to me that all of the alternate versions of this story seem to miss the point of why he never approached his wife. When he saw her on the boat he got the suspicion that something was up between his wife and Mr. Mendoza. She had already been there one night without him. If he interrupted his wife at any point of observation, she would have had plausible deniability. His dilemma was determining if he should stop it before it went too far, or if it had already gone too far. Her behavior reinforced the idea that she had already fucked the guy, as equally as it reinforced the idea that she might fuck the guy. He had to hang back to find out.

This chapter is not as good as the previous one. Actually, it was a shock. I admire your creative turn, and even applaud the introduction of the friend as the catalyst (it helps make your premise more plausible). However, the storyline is too far removed from what the original clearly insinuates - she fucks around on her husband. It is hard to believe that a wife who doesn't want to cuckold her husband would come so precariously close to doing just that. To what end? To test him? You let some guy fondle your breasts because you want to see your husbands reaction? His reaction does not mitigate the fact that she allowed it to happen in the first place. I'm not buying the storyline. Of course, there is more chapters, so maybe there is more to the story. I am enjoying it overall.

I don't believe her.....going topless with an ex boyfriend she supposedly can't stand, and used to fuck......she's a liar. She has some excuse for everything.

their relationship does not stand a chance.

"Sally kept telling me that I needed to test you. She said that the only way that I would ever find out if this were what you wanted was if I tried it."

OR, you could ASK him!

She said her girlfriend tied it to the boat but Juan threw it away. How can he believe anything she says now? He is quite non confrontational for a lawyer. He hasn't reached wimp status to me yet but he sure is close.I don't think she passes the "did anything happen" quiz yet either.

..... you are NOT posting anymore ... capecodCUCK!!!

"FUCKING CUCKYBOY ASSHOLE!!!"

A valid effort that tries to correct the myriad of errors of the original. The problem about writing a sequel of a very poor story is that you are loaded with a burden that can't completely get rid of.

A couple of remarks: Juan's quote: "She refused to cheat on you."

It all depends of where you draw the line of what cheating is. In my book she cheated on him big time. Lot of her so called explanations are really lame.

Jill's remark: "Are you suggesting that Sally was trying to get me to cheat on you at the reunion?"

Is she reallt THAT stupid. I don't think so. And I think that due to the original story portrait of Jake you are making him look as a stupid cuckold too.

Good effort, but it didn't work for me.

Only laughable!!!

How many times are Juan, Hector, Sally and others mentioned on last page but unnamed husband falls into obscurity, rarely if ever mentioned after the first page? How difficult is it for a writer to throw his name into conversations? He refers to her as Jill in several conversations; but she never calls him by name. This shows a lack of love or interest on her part. A real lawyer picks up on this. You can tell that unnamed husband truly loves his wife Jill. But it is obvious that Jill doesn't feel love for her unnamed husband. Is she lying to him? Well, of course she is!

One assumes that she will be found out. She took one in the tail - both her and the author.

There is something feminine and breathless about the writer's expression. Go ahead, Cape. It's ok. Just get it over with. Get drilled and start your new lifestyle.

Let's face it, no matter how you try to paint this, Jake is a wimp!

Its only idiotic cuck crap!!!

and find someone better

The crazy part, is that if Jill thought Jake was giving signs, them the time to discuss it was long because the reunion... but that’s consistent with many women: they infer meanings and think men are mind readers. I tell my wife it’s: shoot first and ask questions never.

"I needed to talk to someone and get some advice" - So, she turns to the woman who has been trying to get her to cheat?!

I liked his answer to why he didn't interfere - he trusted her!

As for the guys hitting on her, how many times have we seen a husband try to stop that, and the wife gets mad and says, "I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself!"

Sorry, but Jack is a disgusting POS! NO BALLS...just law books hanging between his legs!

Like the explanation of why a wife trying to make.husband a cuckold would destroy a marriage. Jake is still too much of a wimp, Juan should be smiling with broken teeth by now. Way too easy on Susan. Topless on a boat with a former lover is going too far to come back from.

Worse than the original. You made him into a complete loser. congrats! She is a heartless lying cheating CUNT! with no respect for her husband. No one with even an ounce of brain power would buy the bullshit she was spewing.

Story abut justifying her behavior Really sucked.

Well I liked it. In the original I couldn't see a situation where a husband would behave like he did by hiding away. This version sees him seeking the truth and as far as I can see she didn't cheat. Maybe the next chapter will prove me wrong? 4 stars

So it’s all a big misunderstanding. Bullshit. The gymnastics this author had to undertake to rehabilitate Jill is astounding.

This author is a fully brainwashed cuck.

Jill was turned into a saint in this story.

She's a lawyer, trying to turn it around and make it his fault. Time to settle with everyone.

I would assume my wife was lying, and Juan would not have walked out of the room unscathed. I would also like to know what could motivate an author to write bullshit like this in the mind of an allegedly non-cuck husband: "As Jill told her story, I began to feel uncomfortable. Was I was partially to blame for what had happened? Had my passivity driven her into Juan's arms?"

Her disrespectful, slutty behavior in public would be enough to cause any normal husband to file.

The bullshit meter reads high with this one

These two are too stupid to be lawyers. If you see your husband's briefcase, wait there by it. If you see him sitting there 20-feet away, ignoring your CONFRONT HIM! If she's impulsive and flighty, then there's no way she tries cases in court.

.

These two are a train wreck waiting to happen, but they are so inept, they'd run directly at each other - as trains - and..... miss.

Damn

I believe that Jill is full of shit. Her friend is a cunt. Now she's a cunt. Let's see where this goes...

Kick the lying bitch to the curb.

The story seems contrived. At every turn, she has the opportunity to correct any misunderstanding including just going to him when she sees him, and does not. The story does not ring true.

She gets on a yaught with 2 guys she fucked with on more than one occasions and pairs with one drinks booze, smokes pot and takes off her top???? Then damn near fucks him on the dance sand, kisses him, jumps in a hot tube, and tells Jake it's his fault?? I couldn't file fast enough.

This story doesn't really pass the logic test as a conclusion.

Ed

I think this series of the “laws of the heart” conclusions is the best of them all. Jake came down to surprise Jill, but she knew right away as she left the boat that he was there, So the “game was on”. Not by her choosing to play, but by Jake forcing it. He did nothing to stop her at all. Now, no woman in her right mind would do extreme flirting, and coming on to a ex boyfriend that her husband despised when they knew Without a doubt, he was watching, or perving, whatever. They had a good life together. She wouldn’t have tossed it for a roll in the hay with the Cuban brothers. She had more to protect in her real life. They shared a son together. Jake was just a insecure, low self confidence kind of guy who had to put her to the test… Which she happened to pass, she didn’t have sex with anyone, she wasn’t intimate with anyone. Maybe a little cozy, but tough luck on Jake, that’s what Reunions are all about. He was just a insecure dude. Maybe he was hung up on being flabby from having a office job, maybe h3 had a small pecker. But it’s pretty clear that Jill wasn’t going to have sex with anyone at all. She was there to have a good time.

Sure I guess guys that are insecure about themselves and their women would say, “Toss the bitch out” He was just as big a douche bag as he was trying to make her out to be. THERE WAS NO CHEATING HERE, NOR WAS THERE INTENT. Flirting, Yes, but no more than what would happen on a dance floor on a night at when they were at home.

So, Suck it up Jake, so far you've got a hot wife, be happy, grow up, and work on your own self esteem. Maybe diet, work out, she a shrink. But stop torturing Jill….. ( this comment reflects my opinion as far as Part 1 & 2 are concerned. )

No rating

Why waste any more time reading shit

Quit reading when talking about him allowing risque dress and behavior while dancing. Cuck wannabe wimp

What kind of wife does drugs and takes her top off for other men? This is compounded by her inappropriate behavior later. In all, her explanation IRL would sound like bullshit. A normal man would let her know he's serious considering a divorce.

To be honest her whole attitude the fact she did what she did as far as I'm concerned that's enough. This bitch does not respect her husband one tiny bit so why be married to her?

Your protagonist thinks too much and acts too little. He’s a real putz.

love the knee-jerker below that acts before engaging their brain. Ok, if that's what you want to be, but why tell everyone you're the village idiot as if it's something to be proud of?

Laugh out to the misogynists who just hate women and think the worst of them too.

It's an interesting story, clever bit of dialogue, it teases that she's actually cheated without explicitly saying so, which nicely keeps the tension going. I do hope that this isn't just a plot device for the denouement in the final chapter. Because then it's just like that old TV series Columbo, the cat playing with the mouse and we all know how that ends.