Like a Wall

Author's note:

This is my first story here, I hope this goes well. Because I'm the kind of person who just writes, I don't really think of the plot as most writers do. I only know my start, middle, and end -though, that is a plot- so I'm not certain this will flow nicely. I probably have some problems with my on, in, and at and some grammatical errors. English is not my native language, not my 2nd but 4th. Though, I'm not using that as an excuse since I'm quite good at it. I intended the name to be Jae not Jay, but you pronounce it the same. Just some clarification, he's been away for 6 years, but they weren't together for 7 years, I just thought that it might confuse people.

*

It's mid-afternoon and Jae found his boyfriend's house unlocked. Tray asked him to come this afternoon and help him with something. He called out for him, but nobody answered. The couch pillows are somewhat jumbled, it seemed like somebody was here awhile ago.

"Ah...ah...ah..."

He thought that he must be watching porn and fell asleep, since he didn't receive any answer. He sneakily climbed the stairs to Tray's room, hoping to scare him; he didn't know that he'll be the one caught in disbelief.

There are two rooms in Tray's house: both are upstairs, one for him the other for guests. The closer he gets, the louder the groans and moans become. Tray's door stood ajar - the first thing you can see is the bed - Jae was about to open it when he caught a figure on top of his boyfriend's bed. He watched silently since he's too sure it's not Tray. He leaned closer, opening it slightly, a woman. His jaw drop recognizing who the girl is, it's not just any woman, it's his cousin, Hana, and for Santa's love they're having sex!

Who's screwing who, he can't really see nor does he care about that. He swiftly get out of the house, searching for his keys because for all he cares he wants to get out of there quickly.

Jae opened his eyes, he can't tell if he fell asleep or what, but right now he's in a middle of fucking which his partner didn't really notice that he was out of it. It was a dream, the whole scenario was, or more like a reminiscence.

"Ooooh fuck! Shit you're so tight," Jake said, he's apparent sex partner for the night, but all Jae can see now is that he's helping the guy jerk off. He can feel Jake coming.

'Thank god,' Jae thought.

Soon enough Jake blew his load off, he didn't pull out until his dick goes limp. "That was so good, let's do this next time," Jake told him.

Jae got up, grabbing some tissues from the night table, he stood up and said, "Sorry, I'm going back."

*************

Exhausted, Jae lays on his bed, he's already 26 now. He's going back, after 6 years he'll be back to U.S. the day after tomorrow, 6 years away from Florida's heat. He ran away, not from his parents but from Tray. For 1 year, he tried avoiding him - near from him - trying to finish his school. He intended living with Tray and work in his company. Tray didn't seem to know why he broke up with him and continued pursuing him. He changed his number, cut all ties with whoever are friends with the both of them except for his sister, and slammed his door on him; none of it work. He begged his father to let him go to England, and continue college in Oxford. His dad thought he's finally thinking about things, they knew he's gay.

Jae was trying to run from the heartache, too dramatic, he knew it is, but there was nothing he could do. It wasn't because it was with his cousin, Hana, but with a girl. Him and Hana don't get along well in the first place; he doesn't care about the girl either, they were just blood related; and he knew how itchy the girl was to his ex-boyfriend. What ache was Tray is straight, even after their 4 months relationship, he's still straight, he's not even bi. Tray made him believed that he loves him enough to disregard that he's a guy, a man, with the same genitals as him. Maybe if Tray was fucking a guy he would be happy, he's always been aloof towards Jae's gay/bi friends. He would always tell him that he's the only exception, it made him special in a way he can't fathom. Because surely, there's something wrong with Tray's morals. Though, Jae can understand, Tray was brought up in a religious Catholic family; he can only accept them as having their own free will to love anyone, but he can't see himself with them just with Jae.

Tray's memories and supposedly unending love brought Jae to tears. His sweet words, auburn hair, hazel eyes, his body(especially his triceps), his you-know-what, he missed it all. He can't believe how madly he'd fallen in love, it was to quick like a breath, too deep like a well that will never be reach, ever again. He wants Tray, but can't forgive him. When he was 15, he resolved that he will never forgive whoever hurts him; he already received too much heartache, forgiving his parents too many times for breaking their promises, for doting his sister too much - which he can't blame her for since she's sick - and he's the kind of person who stands by his morals, once he makes a decision that's it.

*****************

Jae landed in LaGuardia Airport on Sunday, October 4th at exactly 6:55 am, he didn't told anyone he's coming back. He settled at Sheraton Hotel just for 2 days and got some rest.

Though being gay, he was never called a fag or whatever. He's smart but not a geek, used to be athletic but he broke his patella on his right leg; therefore, enabling him to do strenuous activities, plus the fact that his parents are rich; he's very friendly and a leader that's why people like him, girls and guys alike. Not actually those, he know for fact it's because he's good looking, he's gorgeous, he knows that. It's human nature to be soft towards those who they think looks good, not minding who they are and what they are. Whether they have talents or lack thereof. He stood 5'10 with bright brown eyes, and black hair. He won't argue that he has some feminine features, his eyes are big and his lips are pinkish and thin like a girl, but he has a well built body, not that of a body builder's or athlete's, but sculptured enough to be proud of even with straight guys. Though there are just certain people who are quite insular.

*********************

He kept ringing the doorbell at their California house, but nobody was answering, not even a helper or a butler. A silver GT-R SpecV, which he quite knew who the owner is, stopped in front of the house.

"Jae!!!" The woman shouted his name more like shrieked it. She hugged him tightly like they haven't seen for years, just for 8 months actually.

"I can't breath, Chesca," he said through gritted teeth. Francesca, his older sister by two years. She has a slender 5'8" body with black hair as he does but gray eyes. She's gorgeous, of course, she's his sister.

"Why is nobody here?" He asked.

"Oh...cause...like you know. Well, we knew you were coming, and you know I know you more than anybody else do. So of course...we're having a welcome party for you!!!!" She finally said, she knows him and knows well how he hated those kind of formal parties. There's nothing he can do, he's been gone for a while.

They're having the party at his parents house, apparently, that was his sister's house. The room was packed all through the garden up to 2nd floor. It was crowded and too much for his taste, he greeted his parents, hugged his mom and his dad patted his back. Unfortunately, he saw Hana, he avoided her as much as possible. It's already late in the evening, around 11. He excused himself with his sister and went straight at his sister's house since he needed rest.

Once on the bed he exclaimed, "This is life!" He closed his eyes, and Chesca brushed his cheeks.

"I'm glad you're back," she whispered to him and kissed him lightly on the forehead. That's how close the both of them are, one is the other half. She wept for him when he was heart broken since he hated crying though he wanted to. "Now, don't party too much or I'll kick your behind; and cut your hair, it's too long."

"Oh please, you know you can't, it's my important place next to the front; and I like it long," he joked. Francesca smacked him on the head. He likes wearing his hair long, to others opinion, he looks more and more like a girl, but he thinks that it's the unique part of himself.

"You and your mouth. You should go take shower and rest, Good night, Jae," she stood up and left him.

Now, he wonders what awaits him back.

********************

It's been a week since he came back, and he can finally go party. He's father detained him for a while discussing about his work that will be FINALLY land to him as how he said it.

He goes in to a new gay club, people are already getting wild. The music is loud and the air inside is quite humid, which kind of irritates his skin. He sits in one of the counters and grabs a glass of white wine from the waiter walking around. A man around his 20's approaches him, inviting him to their table. He agrees, it's all fun but its quite dark. He can't see well, they started introducing themselves, him being Jae Wentworth, and whoever they are he can't remember, or he just doesn't care.

He's listening to a conversation by the table beside him, it was quite interesting.

"It's such a surprise that you go to a club like this with us," one of the guy said. There was no reply, he's guessing the guy nodded. "What's the use of being here if you're not having fun? You're not as straight as you are anymore," the guy chuckled.

A deep voice answered, which Jae doesn't know but it made his heart thumps faster than he imagined it ever did in years, "Hmmm...just for a change, haven't been in this kind of place for 4 years."

"Come on, man. The last time you came with us is because you're finding Je...." the man stopped since the other guy glanced at him, "...well, just have fun, good thing you didn't cut ties with us, too. Though, I can't really imagine why you would want to keep being friends."

'Oh...so he's straight,' Jae thought, taking in more alcohol than he intended.

Anther guy spoke, "Don't you think it's time for you to fuck somebody's ass? You've probably been screwing pussies since he left."

Everybody was silent. Nobody dared to speak. The "straight" guy seemed to repositioned himself, "It's none of your business whether my cock eats pussy or ass. Want me to do yours?"

Nobody answered, and the first guy who spoke calmed things down. The only reason he started going to clubs as this again is because he heard that he's back. His ex-boyfriend's family is prominent as well as his, they have connections even if the other party don't want to have one. He just wants to see him, after 6 years, just wanted to see him. He heard a guy asked where the restroom is, he doesn't know but hearing the voice made his heart thumps. Like he's supposed to know it, but he wasn't sure. His eyes followed the guy, he can't see well it's dim and too crowded to see the figure clearly, but his heart gave another thump. The guy is kind of limping while going to the restroom, he waited for the guy to comeback.

Jae doesn't know but he's starting to feel dizzy, he doesn't think he drank that much. He resolved on calling his sister, he searched through his pocket, but his phone wasn't there. Maybe he left it on his seat, he went out of the restroom when a voice called him.

"Jae..."

He now knew who the voice belongs to, and he hoped it's just a dream. He rubbed his eyes to see who it was, just to make sure. Now he can clearly see the figure, 6'3" tall, his body build has become even more muscular, his biceps showing due to his sort of tight shirt.

"Tray..." he whispered. He's the last person he ever want to see in this world. He wanted to ran away again, hide somewhere, but he doesn't have the strength to do so, and fell down.

***************

Jae woke up on a bed. He felt someone beside him but didn't have the courage to open his eyes. Whoever the person is, he or she, well, he can tell it's a he, caressing his cheeks as gentle as it could; like he's some sort of precious jewel, which he thought was odd. The guy's hand travel from his cheeks to his shoulders, soon enough a soft pair of lips touch his nape; the guy hugged him tightly, it gave a sweet tingling feeling inside him. He started recalling what happened earlier.

'Tray...' he thought, upon the realization, he got up. "Sorry," he muttered. He wanted to get out of the room as quickly as possible, but Tray grabbed him before he can even do anything.

"Please...don't leave me...not again..." Tray said almost pleading. He pulled him in an embrace.

"Stop it. It was you..." Jae tried pushing his hands away. "Don't make this hard for the both of us. We'll never be together again; and I'll never forgive you."

There's something about what he said that made Tray mad, he turned him around and pinned him on the bed. He can see it in his eyes longing, confusion, tenderness, everything that he felt the past 6 years, he can see them all in Tray's eyes.

"You said before that you'll never leave me," Tray accused him. "But now you're saying we're over? We've never been over, Jae. Not in those 7 years and not now. I'll never let you go even if you want me to."

All Jae wanted to do was to punch him, slap him, hurt him. However, he can't, he won't be able to seeing how big Tray is compared to him. How can he say this to him? He desired for him, he was all that he got. Everything that made him up but it crumbled to the nearest pieces. Does he want him to cry in front him? To resign? No, if he did that the last part of himself will be forever gone as well.

"It was you who promised. The day you hurt me will be the day we're done. It was that day and now we're over!" Jae tried to got up again, but Tray held him back.

"I don't even understand what you're saying. When? How? You started avoiding me and left!"

If he's feigning ignorance now, too late. "We're over, please, let me go." Tears started falling unknowingly. It hurts too much he can't handle it.

"Don't cry, my love, don't cry," Tray started wiping his tears, then kissing him, now he's on top of him.

Love? It's an overwhelming sensation, too deep to breath. He wants to push him, but 7 years of longing defeated him. He wanted those lips, his kisses. He can't deny them, can't deny him. Soon, he's tongue is searching for his. Jae doesn't know when it started, but he's already undress. Well, he's ex-boyfriend is a stud.

Tray's on top of him, one of his hands playing with his nipples, his lips on his neck. Jae can feel Tray's lips on his ears; his eyes are close, he doesn't want to open them up, too scared to know, to feel, he might just woke up in a dream again.

"I missed you," Tray murmured to him, Jae whimpered. He slowly went down to his cock, he didn't even stop anywhere else, he kissed the head, and pre-cum started oozing. Jae can't remember since when he was hard, but one thing he can remember, Tray's a good cocksucker, which made him wonder at first if he really haven't had any male intercourse before him.

Tray started sucking his cock, deep-throating him. Moaning in pleasure, Tray then flipped him, Jae's hold exposed to him, he kissed one of his ass cheeks and went back to him. Now, he can feel Tray's member below his waist. He gasped and the other chuckled.

Tray lowered himself, showering kisses to Jae's shoulders. He started grinding his cock between his ass cheeks, Jae's trying hard not to scream. The pleasure is too much to bear. It went on for about a minute, and then Tray licked his nape and went down tracing his backbone. He opened his legs wider and commanded him to lift it up higher, by then he started rimming his hole.

He can't hold it anymore, "Ah...ah..ah..." He felt a cold feeling on his ass, a lube maybe. Tray inserted in one finger, and then two, by then he's begging for more.

Tray flipped him again, so now he could see him, "Open your eyes," he said, and Jae still hasn't. Tray forced the 4th finger, freaking Christmas, he haven't had any partner for weeks! It caused Jae to open his eyes. Now, he could see it. Tray's cock is tasty, big and long, he had a sudden desire to play the flute on him. It's 12' long and about 4' wide, it was hard for the both of them deep-dicking at first but it was great. Jae's penis is not shabby either, he had sex with women before just to try it, and as far as he's concerned they enjoyed it(though, he didn't), he's is 8' long and about 2 and half on the base.

Tray brought his tongue on his hole again, now he's poking his insides, "Oooh..." Jae moaned.

"Do you know? You're a great fuck....because you're so lewd." Tray told him and he blushed. Tray put a lube on his penis, he gave him a kiss first. "And I love you," and then started penetrating. He told Jae to hold his legs, now he's fully in. He started kissing him again, Jae's arms on Tray's head, he moved slowly. Slowly thrusting into him, and slowly, and slowly, and slowly until Tray started taking his pace still kissing him.

"Harder...faster..." Jae breathed, Tray suck on his lower lip first before pulling out. Jae shook his head.

"Be patient, love" Tray told him. He adjusted himself, opened Jae's leg wider and lifted it up higher. He kissed Jae's head first until ramming into him in one blow.

"Ahhhhhhh...fuck..." Jae's hands clasped on the headboard since Tray started going in faster and harder. He shivers in each thrust.

"God, you're so good. Fucking you has always been great," Tray picked up his pace again, going faster and faster.

"Ah...ahhh...yeah...fuck me...hmmmm...harder...fuck me hard..."

Jae's moans and groans give pleasure to Tray. He always wants to please him, everything of him, "You drive me crazy, love."

"Mmmmm....Tray..Tray...ah...I'm close...close..."

Tray gripped his penis and kissed him on the cheeks, "Not yet."

A few more hard thrusting and he let him go, Jae let his load off. He doesn't know how many times he did, but he never had such an orgasm as this one for years.

Tray is still thrusting in him, a little gradual, he pulled off again, and pushed himself harder. Jae knew he's close, he always does this when he is. He reached for Tray's face and started kissing him, and then he can feel hot seeds flowing in him. They just kept on kissing, mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue.

Jae doesn't know how long it has been, but when he woke up, Tray is pass asleep, he's hard to wake up he knows that. He kissed him...goodbye. He wants him, he loves him, but he can't be with him, it's too hard to take that risk. Ever since he was a kid he built a wall to everyone, even his sister - though it's as thin as paper. His stubbornness and disposition has always been his wall.

He kissed him one more time. He'll missed him greatly after this night, his auburn hair, his hazel eyes, his triceps that he loves so much. He squeezed his arms, and gave a peck near his right eye and whispered, "I love you."

Tray opened his eyes, Jae just stood up from the bed still naked, his cum dripping from his hole, he stood up and picked a tissue, "Leaving me again, are you?"

Jae was startled to feel a strong arm wrapped up around him, his other arm wiping the liquid dribbling behind him. "Why are you awake?"

"Because the last time that I remember when I woke up you weren't there anymore," he told him. "Please, don't disappear from my sight again, I'll die."

"It was your fault, it was you, not me," Jae sighed. He's tired of him putting on this act that he doesn't know anything.

"I told you I don't know what you're talking about!" Tray turned him, now they're facing each other, "I beg you not to have that look in your eyes. I rather die." It's a mixture of bliss, love, but most of all pain.

"It was you..." new found tears forming in his eyes again. He can't possibly bring it up, he doesn't even want to hear it.