Little Things Ch. 04 of 04

While there are many things I can nitpick at, mostly from a personal preference perspective, overall this story was really good. I liked the telling style and it was nice to see it from a female perspective. I agree that the Eric scene was a little much - did it really have to get to pussy licking (feels like an extra unnecessary humiliation)? And being made to think she would be raped? Made me feel queasy. I think that could have been avoided, but what's done is done.

It was a really slow burn overall but I think it was too much considering where it ended up. So much resistance to getting with David, but slowly overcoming it, then a sudden rejection (hate this but it seems to be all too common in these stories sadly), then a traumatic experience, then the realization of what she should've known already: they belong together. I thought Sam was a complex character at first, but in the end, I've come to think she's just a run-of-the-mill damaged woman that thinks she's unworthy of love and sees herself as nothing more than a set of pleasure holes. It made me cringe a little and roll my eyeballs at times, but still, it was an overall enjoyable read.

The ending was a little lacking but I see there is a part 5 available. Gonna check that out.

This is the only part of the 4 I have read that I am not going to vote 5 stars, I understand that the scene with eric and sam was necessary for more drama or conflict but I don't like those types of scenes even more so if it reached to point of cunnilingus, I was hoping that it wouldn't get to that and sam would put a stop to it, I truly disliked sam in this part, and even thinking that David is better off without her and find someone else, maybe that is exactly what you intended when you wrote the scene, I am really into the bro/sis stuff but I rarely dislike the "experienced/slutty" sisters in stories but this one did it for me, you're one heck of an Author, I hope you would find the "mood" to write stories again. Thank you

This is one of the best stories on vhere. Sell written. Nice slow build up to the finale. Wish I could write half as well.

The ending is perfect. We don't need to know any more. We know she loves him, has accepted his love...that moment...frozen...perfect.

Fantastic.+++ Thanks.

I absolutely loved this story but I think you are too hard on yourself, too self-critical, too dismissive of your obvious talent. Two examples: 1) In your forward you wrote that you didn't think you captured a feminine voice. I beg to differ and I've thought all along that you are a woman (I noted that your profile didn't specify your gender) ; and 2) In the afterward you wrote that you found the ending too abrupt. Again, I simply don't see this. Samantha"s epiphany, as with the the rest of the story, was presented in a most lyrical prose. In the final paragraph, especially with the brief verbal exchange, I felt you "landed" the story, giving it an earthy, more humanistic ending.

Such a loving story, filled with all the conflict that must arise between siblings on occasion.

Thanks!

Felt like I was there!

but I found Sam's final resolution within character. Once the emotional dam burst, her emotions had to some pouring out until there was nothing left. When she woke up in her bed, she saw what was left - her love for David.

Agreed, the ending was very short. And tells nothing about how they will cope with what is painted as a very conservative set of parents, much less their future.

Wondered a bit about their falling asleep in the barn. Farming is hard work and a lot of work. Not just morning chores but evening chores, too. When Dad returned from town, I expected him to find out where David was and what he was up to. Yes, there's less to do in winter, but there is still a lot to do. And, the mention that dawn was just visible in the window when she wakes up and decides to consummate the relationship. In winter, dawn comes after you at the chores, especially the further north you are. If she saw dawn, David should have been up and out the door already, working with his Dad.

Only a few odd typos or extra words toward the end. After a long missive like this, not surprising (sometimes one hurries toward the final goal), and overall, exceptionally well written. Haven't read the chapter five yet, and based on the hints, wondering about that.

I enjoyed it a lot, but I would've loved to see David fight back or ignore her and be angry at her, and make her fight a little to get him back ya know?

Overall loved it :)

freaking job. Emotion, interactions and that feel... This was perfect.

Words simply fail to describe how amazing this story is. I have read some very good stories on this site, but never one with so much emotional investment. This series has surpassed all of my expectations, and the loooooooong build-up is damn worth it!

Keep up the good work.

This has to be the best i have read. bar none.

I haven't even read chapter 5 yet. I've already stayed up late reading, and am torn between a good night's sleep and finishing this out.

This novel--that's what this is--is why I return to Literotica. Sorting and sifting for weeks and months at a time through the endless parade of crap on here, I often barely glance at more than the first couple of lines. With this, that was all it took to hook me.

I don't comment nearly as often as I should. I know writers like to receive some appreciation for their work, and they should. But often there's so much left wanting for even the hottest, most contest-winning editor's choice submission in the many thousands found here.

It's 10:30 at night, my eyes are blurry from reading for the last few hours, and my brain is nearing the final arc of it's daily tail-spin, so the words aren't coming. Maybe when I've finished Chapter 5, I'll be able to find them, and arrange them into something intelligible.

But I can think of this to say: You are an artist, and this is a piece of art.

No, I'm glad when anyone offers in-depth criticism. Nice as it is to hear someone say that a story is the ____est and most _____ they've ever read, it doesn't help me improve.

Repetition, yes. It is to a certain extent intention, except that I'm never sure how much I ought to have, where the line is between establishing theme and becoming tiresome...and I'm as prone as anyone to falling into ruts, using a term once more because I can't quickly think if another way to put it. Something I need to work on, definitely. Though I didn't think I said 'empathic' that often. Anyway.

Definitely the 'slightly coercive' aspects were deliberate - though they wavered back and forth a bit, as I never decided with precision to what extent I wanted to make that an aspect of the story. This, the relationship presented - I tried to make it, well, 'beautiful,' or at least feel beautiful to the people involved, without it necessarily being the healthiest from an outside perspective. :) Love is, after all, a madness of two people, a willing blindness. The habits of childhood, of an older and younger sibling's interaction, followed these two. She is an assertive sort, especially with him...accustomed, as she says, to him going along with her wants. Would he change as their relationship solidifies? Maybe. That's something I think I'll leave entirely up to the reader. Don't have a firm answer, myself. Definitely not writing anything after chapter 5; it was growing repetitive enough as it is.

The ending, the reveal - I have to plead guilty. It is more than a trifle unreasonable, unlikely. With April there is perhaps some justification, as she made her feelings on incest known to Sam, but with Marie...far less so. Even if they have the past friendship to justify it, I didn't make that fact known. I had ideas for what the reveal would look like, the conversation putting a capstone on the previous conflicts with April, and so I forced them into being. Likewise, I thought it might be cute to have Marie offer essentially 'medical advice.' Mea culpa...probably, with hindsight, it would likely have been better to have them inadvertently caught, rather than deliberately reveal it.

Anyway. I'm glad it felt real to you. The two things I aim for in my writing are reality and beauty...though the order varies, from moment to moment.