All Comments on 'Live from the Game Ch. 01'

Okay... you have my attention. I enjoyed your story so far and can't wait for the rest.

...and I am anxious to see if you are going to continue this one..

Can you try to write a little slower, and be a bit more long winded?

I was kind of bugged that it stopped as suddenly as it did. Please post ch. 2 soon.

Thanks.

What a beginning! Five stars and I can't wait for the second part. Don't keep us waiting long.

developing gezzz

Looking forward to chapter 2.

please don't have the main character under go a drastic personality change, just to get a RACC ending as you have done in the past.

That is the easy part. You have our interest and now we want to see where it all goes.

End the story however you want. These fat old men don't even realize how unmanly it makes them look to sit at a keyboard ranting about manliness in the comment section of an Internet porn site. Don't let them decide where you go.

Very nice start.

Looking forward to see where you take this.

Thx

I'm enjoy reading this one. Hope part 2 isn't too far behind. I really want to see where you go with this. Thanks for the read

Terrible flow. Otherwise, good possibilities, but sheesh. Look up Elmore Leonard's rules of writing.

enough said!

For once, I hope you do not change the characters to fit the end like you did with outta love.

Stay true to them and this will be I think one of your best.

Not this has started out a solid # 5. Time will tell if we stay there. Im really pulling for you this could be great.

Good story so far. I like the ironic comic slant... Agree that you should keep the players the same. I am assuming that the brother Soloman will be like a deranged Mycroft Holmes...

There's a big difference between saying "I disagree" and "ignore anyone who doesn't think as I do."

I enjoyed your story and the comical and informal way you have of expressing yourself. You are an excellent writer and the suspense you set up with Solomon and what is this guy going to do is very gripping.

Thank you for entertaining me.

Writers who use cute like you did for the first page and a half are annoying and wasting time. You interject to the narrators asides like a fourteen year old girl is talking and reduce his intelligence quota to below 0. In fact as the story progressed the whole beginning seemed even worse. I know you felt you needed to introduce all the characters first, but I think you could have also done this as you went along. Less irritating. That was not an ironic tone you took, it was simpering, like that fourteen year old I mentioned. Thank god you do not like Justin Bieber, or you might have bought him into the story. Go back and read your story outloud, see what you think.

Let's see it was a good attempt after reading the shit xleglover has been producing but you need to stop summerising all of your work, the first page and a half was like blah blah blah oh and blah blah blah.

At times your grammar was off, you should use an editor.

And one final thing my university lecture has said read your work once finished then get someone to reread it.

And unlike others I won't be reading the rest of the series it ain't worth my effort

1) This was edited. I might point out that just because an editor didn't do what you'd expect doesn't mean it wasn't edited. It says right at the top who the editor was.

2) There are a fair few complaints about style. That's ok. Style is a personal thing - if you don't like it, well, no one says you have to. Personal opinion is a thing to be celebrated, not ignored or ridiculed. Thanks for expressing it, but be also aware that I'm happy with the style on this and I'm not going to change it. If you still have serious issues with that, my advice is to not read the other three parts.

3) All parts are written and submitted at the same time. I never submit anything till it's 100% written and completed, because like most of the readers out there, it drives me up the wall when people spend months between chapters, or just never finish it at all. As an author, I can guarantee you I will _never_ do that.

4) As for flow - I don't really think it's valid to comment about flow until the entire story is published. It's written the way it is for a reason, and once the story is complete, it should be become clearer. It's one of the issues I have with releasing these as chapter stories rather than in one go - people will always comment before the story is complete. Oh well:)

So far, so good...interesting way to discover vile fuckery! On the Jumbo-Tron, from 300 miles away! Pretty damn bold ... it suggests the emotional re-commitment is complete! Hope El Toro going to be good around the kids! Tough to take on teens and sub-teens, especially if he hasn't been there already! Sweetie may NOT have factored that into her overall plan, unless that overall plan involves dropping them, lock, stock & barrel, in Hubby's lap!

will rate later!

Great so far and wondering where and how this will end. Thanks for writing and sharing.

That the start was very good-5* and I dont do that often. A real oage turner. Cannot wait to see how this develops.

Love that u submit all at once-unlike Metamorphose who has an equally compelling story going but the gaps between installments are painful.

You have me rooting for them as a couple that the answer is a simple misunderstanding of some type-but not holding my breath! Great job.

Patillie

gave up in page 1 of 3 and won't read any more.

Waiting for your next chapter? PLEASE DO NOT MAKE US WAIT TOO LONG FOR IT!!! Otherwise we will lose interest in this story! THANKS.

I liked the first part and hope the rest will be as good.

My standard is simple. Do I look forward to next installment? I do!

I see you are trying something new with style. Good ! A talent should always test

the boundaries. You deserve respect and admiration. Like you say lets see how

high your souffle' rises.lol.

One question, you say this is a burn-the-cheater story. So this time the threesome

sex scene doesn't include the wife ? Only asking because it was in both your other

multi-chapter stories. Even when it was out of character.

From Chicago

AMerryMan

P. S. Happy New Year

Loved it! And like everyone else here, I can't wait for the next part!

The correct answer is NONE.

'nuff said

I can't wait to read the rest!

... Definitely stretched out to the point of wanting to pull one's hair out but, hopefully, this story will pick up the pace now that the minutia is out of the way. I did say hopefully, right, because somehow I really doubt that it will.

At the beginning the author said that this was a "standalone story." It is not and now I'm hooked!

Not fair!

Bill1104

Too many useless words, but not a bad start. And I agree with a previous commentator - this isn't a stand alone story.

Interesting. What a pity you are not a BTB author. This chapter is a 5*****. I like those characters who wait a little, do ACTOR ROLE at a wife cheating to reach better conditions at divorce.

He saw the kiss, but he should have asked her about what happened while he was away. She might say a client with box seats invited her to a ball game and we were caught by the kiss cam. Give her the chance to tell what happened or to lie about it. He won't be the first guy that mistook something innocent and went ballistic.

@hornyman

Dude, how the hell could his wife making out with another man, under any circumstance's be considered innocent? Seriously, there is no excuse or reason apart from her being a cheating skank that could cover her and loverboy's actions at the ballgame.

I'm not known for being a sports enthusiast. For me it was the year of the Baseball strike in which players agreed the All Star Game should be played. Took all those season ticket holders and rubbed their collective noses in it.

That's me.

Your line, "not really one for many organized sports," hit home. Characters have been well defined. Secretary came in from no where like an after thought to move things along.

Happy Third Millennium Jezz, Happy, happy, happy, goddamnit!

I admire the effort you are putting into this story considering that it is so off the cuff for you. Great Characters and intriguing characterizations.

4 stars.- Ok, I really wanted to give this chapter a 5 star but the way the author kept us waiting more and more at the beginning, before reaching the wife's infidelity, really had me wanting to hit someone. BUT the story, the writing and the pace, after page1, were excellent. I'm might add this story to my favorites, I don't do that often, I just gotta read a bit more before deciding. As I said, I didn't like how the story started, after that everything was great.

after the first page. You almost lost me there! Now I see that you do fine work and it is after all author's choice!

You were correct in saying that it's about a 2 hour drive from Madison, WI to Crystal Lake, IL, BUT...you can't drive 300 miles in 2 hours and Madison is nowhere near 300 miles from Crystal lake...

Took a while to get used to the style but I like it. About to read ch2 4*

Good story line but while reading the set up info I kept saying to myself, "ok,ok, get on with it!!!" It's a 4-5 story but I gave it a 3 as it just had to much useless info.

Could not get past half way down the first page, far too drawn out!

Wow. This author has really smoothed out rough spots that were present in early efforts. The hook is set and I've no choice but to click to pt.2.

NAILED the conflicting emotions, and great character development. Looking forward to the rest.

Thanks for sharing

but then, a comment under the heading "way too many words" caught my eye, and it said EXACTLY what I was thinking, so I'll just quote it:

"Good story line but while reading the set up info I kept saying to myself, "ok,ok, get on with it!!!" It's a 4-5 story but I gave it a 3 as it just had to much useless info."

That says it all! Obviously, you see yourself as a great writer, and kid yourself that using 40 words when one would have been sufficent is your "style", but please try to be more concise, and to stay on point.

Reading this did to my brain what watching Dr. Katz did to my eyes. Dang good story line. I liked the story line so much I restarted reading it 3 times after giving up. But alas I could not get further then the top of the second page on the first chapter. It was like driving a manual transmission car with no first or third gear.

Make it short and crisp and snappy, boil it down.

Got lost in the mud.

So my comments will be the same.

K-nick...K-nack. Some people feel differently, but I've always seen it this way...but without the dashes.

"Wordy me will have his day!" Truer words were never spoken!

You seem to want to repeat yourself a lot. And what I mean by that is you say the exact same things over and over again. You have this tendency toward repetition which makes you go on and on about the same point at least three times. And I also find that some of your paragraphs address the EXACT SAME POINT without moving forward.

Example:

"Paul is terrific. Heart in the right place, loves his company and employees and job. Nice fella, well meaning and a total idiot"

Okay. Great. I've had a boss like that. I can relate.

"Paul is so ineffectual that he can't even remember what he asked me to do last week, and would never even check to see if I did it."

Okay...an example. That gives sense of breadth and detail to his idiocy.

"Paul is like the retarded son that everyone knows is retarded, but has to be treated as a regular guy. He was well meaning, he was very concerned for his staff -- we all got vitamins every morning -- and just generally a terrifically nice person."

Right...got the point...though those second examples of Ikea and the Desks were FUNNY. Should have opened...and closed...with them.

"It's not done because he's an idiot and we disrespect him for it. It's done because he's an idiot and we love him for it."

I...FUCKING...GET IT!

Decent: to act properly and in a civilized manner.

DeScent: to actually lower into something. Although not...you know...capitalized.

I like that you mentioned the out of sync television broadcasts and the different commercials. That adds verisimilitude to the story. These little touches that add depth. Little sparks of realism which make the world come to...okay, I'll shut up now..

German bars are open for breakfast? I am not doubting you. More amazement.

Show, Don't tell. You made a perfect point about trust and infidelity which seems fresher than that made in so many stories. Well done.

Domestic Witness Protection? WTF? How expensive is THAT?

This is a five God Almighty! I didn't write this comment until I finished all four chapters, and am I glad I waited! The opening here is filled with stuff that gets you to relate to Ryan on a personal level. Wait till you go further; this is gut wrenching. Not since When We Were Married has something this heartbreaking and yet this hopeful been out there.

After not just learning that the wife is a cheater but actually seeing it on tv with a million other people, he says he still loves her. What a sissy little coward! Her actions show how heartless she is and we don't even know how deep it goes. But who cares. You don't need any more data. She is a blatant cheating cunt who doesn't care who sees her. That's obvious by the ball game she went too. 2nd - He first states that there love life has slowed due to the kids and work. Ok that is normal HOWEVER, it is now clear that the reason for it slowing down is because the Cunt is busy romancing and fucking someone else who is obviously more important. No man would put up with that shit. Divorce is the only solution for anyone with dignity or balls. But you can tell the Writer is positioning the husband to be a sissy wimp with the "I still love her" crap. Selfish Cunts dont love anyone but themselves. All he is is a convenience for her. Nothing more. The Writer has dragged this fucking mess on forever. The next chapters will be boring drival just to keep this pathetic loser going.

The odd thing is there is no detail about what kind of data he is looking for and for what purpose. Does he want to be a voyeur? Is it possible that there exists a data that would exonerate the wife from allowing another man to touch her in a very intimate manner in public that indicates deeper intimacy in private? Does he want to know if the other man is bigger, or if she loves him, or if she sees sex as separate from love, like all of that matters in the end?

His wanting more data is a delaying tactic as the only data that matters is the fact that she cheated. He has to decide to forgive her or divorce her, and stalling the decision while "getting more data" is just wimpy in my opinion.

I read all 5 chapters a few times over, and I found many holes in deannas video to ryan. she professes she loves ryan deeply. from what I read in the first 4 chapters not once was there any indication of that so called love. she showed more love for Jordan. in the third chapter ryan said thathings had changed in the way she acted towards him in the last two years. she bought him a gps watch to ease her compartmentalized mind. the things she did for Jordan by bringing kinkacks pictures and an ottoman and her cunt to use when ever he wanted. boy what a loving wife. even when ryan confronted crystal she said she thought they were in the first stages of love.when she was leaving to go and fuck Jordan ,and ryan asked her to stay home with him and the children she said she couldn't let her friend down, that's the same night she gave he ass to Jordan she said shed give it to ryan some other time. she couldn't wait for another day so she could let ryan be first in her ass.she didn't know that it was going to be her last fuck whet Jordan she claimed she never gave ryan sloppy seconds but she was willing to give him a stretched out asshole. there are many more instances of her love for Jordan. even he told ryan when they chatted when ryan was pretending to be interested in buying the apartment that she was close to telling him she loved him. she never really said she regretted the affair she said the she enjoyed her time with Jordan.she even said on the video to Jordan she was bored with her life, bore with her boring husband. when Jordan asked if she pretended she was fucking she said she did, that was probably that was probably the truth. in the video she did once but it spoiled the sex with ryan I say bullshit she was probably always imagining she was fucking Jordan. her whole video was all bullshit , her love for her life as a mother , homemaker, loving wife life in the burbs a husband who was a great lover, provider and who she loved deeply ,so why did she prefer fucking Jordan? I hope ryan makes it a point in the divorce petition that she go back to her maiden name. he wouldn't want to have his name linked to the woman who was arrested for having sex in a glass elevator .like I said she doesn't love ryan she is only trying to mend fences so she can get back to the easy life. heck shes already been out on two dates. she sure is suffering in misery,. and lastly love does die rather quickly when it degraded and trampaled on . have ryan focus his time and attention on his kids take them camping fishing and any activates that would draw them closer as a family.llet the slut fallow in her filt and sin .she will eventualy find another Jordan to fuck

Not hardly. I see four more chapters. You'll turn this into a RAAC story and receive gushing praise for doing it.

I'll press on. A bit unrealistic that the friend saw the wife earlier; called our hero to tell him to go to his room and turn on the game; and now our hero sees his wife. four more chapters? I hope there is enough action to keep this interesting.

One of the worst. Well worth the 1* I given.

Congrats. Love it. Five out of five. Amazing first chapter.But you can't drive 300 miles in two hours unless you are on a race track.

I've just waded through Page One and this story has gone almost nowhere!

Did we REALLY need to know about a customer who referred another customer? The PERTINENT information on this page could have been done in two, three paragraphs at the MOST!

Hope things start moving soon, FOUR MORE chapters and I still have two more pages here!

I probably missed some, but these jumped out at me:

“Couldn't careless.” – care less, two words

“Decent into trivia” – Descent

“He was half cast” – half caste

"Do? Nothing. Yet. Need more data." – WTF? You just saw your WIFE making out with another guy; how much more data do you need? Call her cell RIGHT NOW, and if she answers ask her WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING? If she doesn’t answer, confront her as soon as you see her! Sheesh!

Okay, I’ going to show my naivety, or shallowness, or something.

First, I can understand if a woman doesn’t want you to cum in her mouth; some people don’t care for the taste, or consistency or whatever. But once it’s in the mouth, what does it hurt to swallow it? Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t matter to ME, once I’ve cum, I could care less what happens to it, I'm just wondering!

Then, once you DO swallow, why only on special occasions? You either like it, don’t care or don’t like it. If you don’t like it, DON’T DO IT! Otherwise why limit it?

I fully admit that as someone who is NOT on the receiving end of blow jobs this doesn’t really concern me, I’m just curious about the distinction that was drawn in this story.

re-reading prior to reading your new sequel. This is very engaging. Five stars.

i like the Authors writing style

so am reading this 1st

well written controversial topic .

the topic we all love to hate.

and when well written , requires authors to have Very Thick Skin

lots of rambling and verbal wandering but not getting anywhere. As to getting more data, once he confirmed her cell location and saw her on the kiss cam, why didn't he just call her and ask the questions to which he wanted answers?

or is he more worried about who will drive his daughter to dance practice than he is about his marriage?

Blow Jobs Redux - I don’t quite understand the no “stand alone” blow jobs. Surely there are times (NOT while driving!) where full blown sex just isn’t on the agenda: Maybe she’s on her period, maybe one of you isn’t quite “in the mood”, where a nice blow job can ease the tension, so to speak.

“I was known for being rabidly anti-organized sport in fact.” – I wonder if Deanna was thinking about that when she was careless at the ball game!

I repeat my earlier comment, why NOT call her cell phone RIGHT NOW?!

“I did need more data. I needed to know how long it had been going on, how serious it was, where I stood.” - Why? IF, however unlikely, this was her first “date” with this guy, and that kiss was the most they had done, it was still inappropriate, and deserving of a confrontation demanding SOME sort of an explanation, along with SOME sort of reassurance that it will NEVER be repeated. If that means that she quits her job, and goes with him whenever he travels out of town, so be it!

So this is funny. On Friday night Bill Maher said:

"Hillary, your ace in the hole to get America back on your side is your husband Bill Clinton," Maher said on Friday. "He has to have an affair. Or at least you have to find a way to publicize one of the ones he's probably already having......"I say this because of the years when you owned most admired woman in America were the years that anything that had shoulder length hair and moved slower than he did," Maher said. "you can get the magic back, but Bill has to humiliate you. If at all possible ..... on the jumbotron, at a Cubs game while you're throwing out the first pitch."

On the jumbotron at a Cubs game!?! Where have I heard of that?

It's real interesting how these cry-baby cucks react when they find out their wives are fucking someone else. What's so difficult about deciding whether to cut you losses and divorce the bitch, or remain as a cuck. Haven't any of these characters ever heard of discussing marital deal-breakers before tying the knot, or pre nups outlining the results of adultery. If you've read one loving wives story, you've pretty much read them all, climax wise. Seventyfive percent of the weak husbands are going to take their cheating wives back.

No fucking way do you keep this miserably heartless Cunt. She clearly doesn't love him. Why do all these Faggot husband's say they still love the Cunt wife and didn't notice any decline in the relationship. She proved she didn't care about him and why do you need to know more. SHE'S FUCKING CHEATING YOU PATHETIC LOSER!!!

it's hard to get through all the rambling - way to much unwanted info that adds little or nothing to this story

If it hadn't been for my tinacity and zipping down the page I'd have never found out it was about another cheater please get to the point a lot faster or we'll be gone before the end of the next chapter. It's almost like you are trying to piss off the reader so they don't bother to find out what you have to write about. Get to the POINT! you have a story so tell it and forget the garbage it's too distracting.

This no-holes barred jawboning gabfest "style" is a real turnoff. Why not take your time and tell a decent story? It's not effective in any way at all. It's irritating.

There is absolutely no way a person should ever get back together with a deliberately cheating spouse. Absolutely. No. Reason. Especially one that is more than a one time thing.

The author clearly stated all of the trust issues that will forever cling to relationship, even while it seems telling us that our cheated on spouse thinks he can get over a two or three episode deal.

Just because you love the cheater does not mean getting back together should be considered. The cheater contrary to claims of loving the spouse and family, does not love the spouse and family the way that is needed for a successful marriage. Maybe they love the idea of marriage and kids, or a comfortable home life, but they do not love you or the family. If they did, they would never come close to doing such a terrible deed and inflict the worst kind of pain possible to someone they claim to love. It's just not possible.

I certainly hope this is not a case of an RAAC. Or worse yet a case where the spouse being cheated on somehow gets made the bad guy and the cheater is the victim.

Cheating is all about selfishness and lack of love for you spouse and family. Otherwise you wouldn't inflict that kind of pain. All excuses are rationalizations and are just that... Excuses. It didn't mean anything. It doesn't hurt us. It's just sex. You aren't getting any less. Etc. It's all BS.

This is some of the most discombobulating and interesting writing I've come across in a long time. Your writing and story telling style is unique. I'm not exactly sure where Ryan is in his thought process, but what happens next should be interesting.

Are you sure that bookcase was not the entrance to the "Safe House" on Front Street? But there were two other triggers; the time clock punch & telephone switch-board line-switch. Haven't been there since 1974, but I remember the opening bookcase to the L shaped passage with vault doors into the bar. The vault doors would not open until the bookcase door closed and locked. Fun, unique, expensive drinks.

Bail out now cucky ends up in a RAAC at the end

The date of the posting was in 2013. Renovation in the bleachers didn’t start until the end of the season in 2014 and the Jumbotron wasn’t available until the 2015 season. Bleacher seats near the front closer to the basket wouldn’t be season tickets. On another note, Madison to Crystal Lake is about half the distance than stated.

three chapters could be put into two paragraphs. The rest is just useless rambling and a waste of time.

This story spans three chapters, a page and a half of the first chapter wasted on irrelevant descriptions before we get at the story.

There’s no problem with RAAC stories depending on the characters.

But drawing this out to three? No

TOO MUCH INFORMATION WHERE ONLY A PAGE AND A HALF WOULD DO. BUT I FELT GENEROUS AND GAVE IT A 5**. BUT IT'S ONLY A 4.2**.

LOAD O PISH

So explain why he didn't confront her straight away? Why didn't he use the phone he just used to check her location to call her and ask her why she's on TV making out with another man? That's what any normal man would have done. If she didn't answer the phone then why didn't he confront her when he got home instead of running straight to the toilet. The scenario just isn't real and doesn't follow real life rules. So killed it for me.

Wait too much plus information in the 1st 3, Absolutely unrealistic response the response to seeing his wife cheating on television. I wouldn't have called her but I wouldn't Have called her but when I got her home I've had the kids someplace else and headed out right there and then. As for meeting more information how idiotic can you get. She's doing it on television in front of 50000 people. You really insult her intelligence when you do something like this.

Also your writing style and verbal utilization of words and intensity is rather manic and very difficult to follow for that reason.

I don't mean to seem unduly harsh and I'm not criticizing you as a person and you do really have some talent for writing but you really have to get some guidelines and rain in what you're doing.

I like how the narrator kind of waffles around to set up the story thinking about what else he should tell me before we get into the plot itself. Makes me wonder if he can be firm enough of his resolve when the fertilizer hits the air conditioning system. I think I would waffle also.

good writing, character development, but so long! 3 pages just to set the scene? However, onto part 2.

Off to a good start, But talk about wordy! Hope we needed all this.

Background, background background, start the story, stop, more background, more background, more background, start the story, no more background, more background, more background.

I like the way Jezzaz writes. Interesting characters abound. Quirky observations, well written. 5 ⭐️s.

Good tale hope there's a part 2 and maybe more. LP

Come folks! He's got her on national TV at a baseball game with screen shots of them kissing and GPS location confirmation. You'd be brain dead if you thought this was their first rodeo.

Need more data? For what? Indulge in self-inflicted masochism.

Divorce attorney, serve her, go rebuild your life.

Painful beyond belief, yes. The alternative stay with her and worry about the next time for the rest of your life.

⭐

A whole paragraph describing the boutique where he bought his wife a jacket

Milwaukee bar sounds a lot like Safehouse.

Original and interesting. The writing is choppy and doesn't flow smoothly. That makes this difficult to read. I like the story line.

Ed

It's Giordano's not Girodano's and I prefer Lou malnati's. I'm being a smart alec. Great work, looking forward to the next chapter. Thank you for your story. Jack

Did the question of paternity ever come up? The attempt to be funny results in too many wasted words. What could have been 4-5 stars is hence worth 3 at the maximum.