Liv's Legacy: Anise

"What all you told me about those so-called interviews, with Joann's husband..."

"Mr. Alexander."

"Yeah, him, and then the pastor, and what all took place that wasn't talk, then put that together with Joann, and what all happened. When I looked at it all as one item, I thought to myself that you were being tested, then set up for sure."

"Set up? That doesn't sound too good."

"That's what it was. They were scamming you, and I had two opinions on it that were the exact same thing as mine. They were two opinions because Jabs' partner, Paula, was there, and they both quickly thought the same thing. Honey, there's no doubt in our minds that Joann knew you were a lesbian either in fact, or if not, then in strongly feeling that you were. Want to know how all I came to that opinion, or would you rather skip it, and please, if you say yes, be sure you don't feel like you really don't want to know. Don't play with your emotions because it can really do some serious damage."

Thinking about it, my thoughts were more on what they had in mind doing if it was a set up. It was something I had to know, had to confront, to think about, and yes, wonder why? My ignorance was feeling monumental.

Nodding my head, I said, "Yes, I want to know; I have to know, and don't worry about me feeling things the wrong way and making a mess of myself emotionally. Right about this time I need the truth."

"Atta girl. Good for you. Okay, to begin with, many preachers and others not quite preachers, in churches really have high libidos, and shock of shocks, they use the church and their believing followers, for the purposes of sex. You need to remember that a congregation puts a lot of trust and faith in their preachers, and others who are there supposedly to guide them spiritually. And it's not just Catholic priests doing altar boys, and sometimes girls, it's all of them. Have you read about that Missionary group that had a big sex scandal recently?"

Thinking about it, I remembered reading about it, and nodded.

"They're all so far removed from us that we never think of it maybe happening in our church. No way, our church is prim and proper. Tain't so, girl. Make an Internet check, and you'll probably find scads of scams by preachers and such on the congregation. Anyway, as to you, I suspect that they were all working together, first the husband. Hey, are preacher types supposed to be feeling your tits up as he did? No way," she said as I was shaking my head, and thinking.

"He was seeing how far you'd let him get with you. When you took off real fast, I bet he reported to your pastor on what had happened. Now if he wasn't supposed to be feeling your tits, was the pastor supposed to be feeling up your legs, or leg, the way he was, sort of creeping up on it after faking comforting you with his hand on yours as in was on your lap?"

"No," I said, the full import of my ignorance coming to me, slamming into my mind is more like it, hitting me like a baseball bat. Ignorant and naive is what I was.

"Hon, I'm not liking telling you about this, but as you said, you had to know the truth, and if you can take it and use it to make yourself more aware of how it is that many people are, you're doing yourself a lot of good. Trust me on that."

"Yes, I believe you," I said, sadness in my voice for many reasons.

"She's the clincher. That gimmick she used on you, knowing you most likely had strong lesbian feelings, and that you eye-balled her a lot, she knew what would be happening in you internally, to your heart and emotions, when she had you two sit with legs touching. Touching anywhere had to set you off, but legs, that was plum sensual and sexy as can be. There were about three or so tricks she pulled after that, and the first was comparing your legs so she could pull up the hem of your dress and touch you more, and intimately, and your yearning heart that you'd had to clam up for fear of being discovered.

"Her next trick was in asking if you'd been kissed, then seductively moving close to your face and asking you if you wanted her to kiss you. She knew you wouldn't, couldn't, refuse. That was one grand tease. After that, she knew she had it made with you for sure. That was one hell of a way of doing her sex act when she asked if you liked the kiss, and did you want more. She knew your answer, and pulling back to make you go to her was the final entrapment. It was you knowing you made the move on her, and that it would stick in your mind when it came to guilt, as well as wanting all you could get from her.

"When you had to kiss her again, I bet it wasn't your hand that moved under her dress. Why? You had no experience, but she did, and she used it, I bet, and put your hand where she knew what you'd do instantly.

"And the poor husband coming in on you and seeing you both like that, it was on cue, the clincher to mess with your mind and your heart. What had you done? Boy, I bet that went through you in a flash, as well as how you had hurt her with her husband.

"She offered you to go to the city to shop and spend a night or so together. That was to be their payday. Honey," she lowered her voice significantly, and softened it, "that was where they planned to really entrap you. I hate to say it, but to not hold anything back from you, their plan was to make you their slut for whenever either of the three had a yen for you. They'd blackmail you with exposure of your lesbianism to your family and the church. You did the best thing in your life by leaving. Some part of you must have suspected what was happening, but your believing, conscious mind wouldn't let you voice it to yourself."

She stopped there, and I fully felt what was happening to my face, how it was getting tight, tense, and wanting to rail at the world for doing this to me, and also to cry like a little baby, I felt so devastated by what Mary told me. Somehow she was right in saying that I might have suspected something very amiss, and right in what they were planning to do with me. I was certain of it, and the angry part warred with my sorrowful self, and what resulted from that was a flood of tears.

"Oh, Goddd, nooo," I let out hoarsely, then sobbed my heart out, and wondered at how they could do something like that.

Once more, I was in Mary's arms who let me cry myself out. She must have held me for a very long time, but that was just a guess. How it all tore at my heart and mind must have made me lose consciousness for when I woke up, I had my head in Mary's lap, and she was stroking my hair with a gentle tenderness that I loved, and more, that I so needed.

"I'm sorry I had to tell you all of that, hon. Please forgive me," she whispered.

"No, you told me what I needed, what I had to know. I thank you for doing that for me, and for holding me as you have been. You don't know how good I feel when I'm with you, how you do things for me that gladden my heart," I said, my own voice soft, quiet, and full of both sorrow and love.

I knew then that I might well be falling in love with Mary, and that I was lucky to have met her. Maybe everything in my life wasn't going all wrong. Maybe.

"Hey, how about we go out and have some lunch somewhere, and take a walk afterwards, huh? How about it? My treat."

I didn't want to move, didn't want to leave off of having her hands in my hair, feeling my cheek on her lap, knowing the warmth of her person as well as her heart, but I had to for her.

"Okay, but I think I should begin to pay you lest I begin to feel guilty about it," I said, trying to smile.

"Tell you what, we'll flip for it. Heads I buy, tails you don't. Now that's fair, isn't it?"

I had to laugh, if only lightly. She knew how to make me feel better. She was becoming everything to me.

* * * *

We ate a sandwich at an outdoor café, then went for a walk. My mind was absorbing all that I'd heard—absorbing and accepting the probable truth of it.

"Thanks for telling me your opinion, and thank Jabs and Paula too."

"Okay. Look, hon, I know it made you feel more than simply bad, but you have to know how it is with men, and with many women too. This world revolves around sex, money, and power, and not necessarily in that order. To some degree, we all want some of it, but some people are obsessed with one, or two of them, and sometimes all of them. In our world, most of us make it easy for them to take advantage of us."

"You're right, I guess, but it still hurt like I couldn't believe. How naive and ignorant I was still bites at my mind. How they deceived me angers me. For a while there, I couldn't cope with it. That's where I was lucky you were around, so thanks."

"Glad I was there. Now maybe we can fight some other dragons that are lurking nearby, huh?" her perpetual smile on her face as she said that; smile when she wasn't grinning, that is.

"Yeah, let's slay some dragons. Maybe I can take my anger out on those poor defenseless beasts that only want to fry us before they eat us."

We had to laugh. No, it wasn't all that funny, but we were in tune with each other, and that felt good. Make that great! I was glad that I'd brought some extra clothes with me so I could stay through to Monday. I remembered Mary's face when she saw that I'd brought the clothes with me. I loved how she looked just then.

* * * *

We started on Liv's classes again, and many things she went over this time were as last week, and maybe more so. Liv kept expounding on foundation and Zeitgeist, but she also backed it up with more biblical facts like the Exodus.

To me, the Exodus was the Jews from Jacob's family multiplied greatly in Egypt, then were enslaved until Moses came along and with miracles, made Pharaoh—whichever one it was the bible never said—release all the Jews. After that, it was like in the movie about Moses—he parted the Red Sea, then they wandered in the wilderness for forty years.

As Liv told it, and proved what she said by the bible itself, and some good present day research and historical facts, was a lot different. Unbelievably different. First there appeared to be two different times the Exodus was supposed to have happened, and they were a couple of hundred years apart, but using history, she proved neither of those were possible for Egypt ruled far into the Middle East up to past Syria, and in one case at least, all the way to the Euphrates. That was hard to swallow, we'd all heard the Exodus story so many times, and it was never as Liv said and proved. Proved was the operative word.

And it got worse, at least for what is commonly taught. Not only was it likely that there was no Moses, but also that there was no Joshua, and if no Joshua, there couldn't have been all those victories over the different tribes and cities of Caanan. Liv's proofs was archeology which proved that long before Joshua was supposed to have been there, Jericho, as well as other cities, were destroyed already. I kept being stunned by what seemed to be insurmountable proofs, undeniable proofs.

"Mary, we have to stop a bit. This is all so fantastic, and my mind is exploding."

"Sure, hon. Let's take a break and have something to drink, then if you want, we'll go on until time for dinner, okay?"

"Sounds great, and I do need the break. You may not know how this makes my head blow up, not being a church person, but I was, and year in and year out, this is so different from what we were always told, and what we believed. If it wasn't you telling me all of this to where I'd listen, I'd probably have told anyone else that they were crazy to doubt any of it."

She laughed. "Hon, it don't get any better. Your head better get used to needing to take loads of aspirin." I laughed with her as we went after a drink, then relaxed for a while. When we went back to it, I thought I was ready for more, fortified, that is.

Right off, she started in on how many Israelites had to be there, and again, the bible was used, though there was a lot of extrapolating, but it was all logical. When I checked to make sure about it, I couldn't believe that there were over six-hundred thousand warrior ready Israelites, and the bible quoted that twice. When, from history, she told about the army of Rameses II and the Hittite army, that shocked me. Such a difference. And with all those ready for war, the Israelites could have ruled Egypt and the Middle East easily.

Then there was the comparison with the not only the city of Denver, but also the County, and it all made even more sense. There had to be at least a million and a half people in the Exodus, but the points she brought up were unbelievable too. How could word be spread to everyone, they had to be spread out so much, and there were so many. And how could they stay in one place with all of their animals, and all they did like have babies, and eat as well as pee and potty. And how did they relieve themselves when they were on the move when they weren't supposed to be looked at by any other. God help any that was in the middle, and it be a woman. And what if a woman was having her period when she wasn't supposed to be near anyone else. It all rattled my brain.

There was much more, but those were the main things that got to me.

"This is so unbelievable," I said, my head doing that spinning thing I didn't like.

"Yeah, that's how Caryn felt, and boy was she angry. She was madder than a nest of hornets or yellow jackets whose nest had been kicked."

"Whatever her reason, I think I know how she could have felt that way. No wonder they expound on the need to believe."

"Yeah, no questioning, and no thinking about whether it might not be so. That's how Liv said Martin Luther said it. Well, let's fix some dinner and relax some more.

Those are just the high points that my mind picked up. Not only were there other things, but also she said Liv had told them that there were many other things she couldn't possibly mention and keep things as simple as possible, not to mention short enough to fit into her six classes.

We stopped to fix our dinner. As we did, my mind continued on its roller-coaster, still trying to suck my breath out of me, but managing an occasional gasp. That was more than enough. The thought that kept reechoing in my mind was why nobody said anything about these things I was hearing now? On and on it went, until I had to shake my head and Mary asked why I was shaking it so much.

"It just keeps on making me wonder why no one ever mentioned any of this. Why, why, why, and on and on I keep asking myself. It's unbelievable!"

"Like I said, that's how Caryn was after each class, but to tell the truth, by the last class, she was so used to hearing all of these things that were different that in the end it wasn't too bad on her. Just horrible, I think," she said with a huge smile that surely poked fun at it all.

After we ate and cleaned up, I said no to a glass of wine, and settled on some water as we sat again.

"Want to do more now, or relax until tomorrow?"

"Relax, I think, if you don't mind; I never get tired of just talking with you about nothing at all."

"Me too, hon. Friends is nice, huh?"

"Very nice."

And so we gabbed about this and that, all of it innocuous but for the bonding that continued unabated in us. When it was time for our shower, as always, she had me to go first. I'd brought a pair of my pajamas, so I no longer had to mooch her sleep shirt. When I came out of the shower, she looked at me fully clad in them and made a face.

"What?" I asked.

"No more legs, huh?" she said with a wry smile, then, "Darn it!"

She did break out in a little laugh after that, but I had to make my own face of fake disgust before I smiled at her.

"Okay," she started again as I prepared for her next fun bit, "you can sleep in your bed and we can shout at each other if you still have a need to talk, or something comes up, or you can sleep in my bed—which you've noticed has lots of moving about room—and we can talk until we fall asleep. It's kind of like straining out voices versus me not having to get up if you have another bad time. Think about it, you may save your life by having me close by," she said in all seriousness.

I stared at her, but she held her serious face mask.

Finally, "What?" she asked innocently.

"Good idea," I said with a smile. "Are you sure. You might need the exercise, you know; we don't get much while we work," I had my own moment of monumental acting in the extreme.

We held it long enough, and let out peals of laughter at the same time.

"Okay, so let's get the hug and kiss over with before we get in bed. You know, kind of like if we were going to separate beds, huh?" That was said with a smile—or mostly so.

Going to her, we did hug, and as we did, we sort of swayed as we held each other. It was more in the way of acknowledging our good friendship, taking each others gladly given warmth from each other. At the last, we did kiss on our cheeks, but minimally, as always.

"Thank you for being you," I said.

"My pleasure, and glad to have you. Sometimes I talk to myself in my sleep, but when I do, if there's a question, I always wind up saying what I want to hear. No objectiveness, I tell you, so maybe now it will be different."

"You're funny, Mary. I love that about you."

"Hey, watch it girl. Remember, no hanky-panky allowed."

"Yes Ma'am," I said. "Good night—I think."

She laughed. "Yeah, me too. Hey, maybe we'll connect in our dreams and talk some there, huh? Whatcha think?"

"Yeah, maybe."

But I didn't go to sleep. My mind kept going back to what seemed irrefutable historical evidence that the Exodus didn't—couldn't—happen when they said it did, and maybe not at all. As my mind kept on, I had another wild thought, but it was interrupted.

"Can't wait until we're dreaming, huh? I hear your mind going. What's up?"

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to keep you awake."

"You didn't, but I could still hear you thinking hard. What's it about, if I'm allowed to ask without being too nosey?"

"I was thinking about the Exodus, how history says it couldn't possibly have happened, at least not in either of the ways they say it did, or suggest another time. It kept bugging me, but then I started to think about something else," I said, and paused, still going over it in my mind.

"Okay, but don't make me wait too long to tell me what popped into your mind," she chided me lightly.

"You know, Hollywood makes a lot of movies on religious themes, but if something comes up that they don't like, or think is outlandish and not as stated in the bible, we always hear about it from the churches, or I think we do. Know what I mean?"

"Uh-huh! I agree with you, so?"

"That one film we always see about Moses and the Exodus, surely the churches know about the impossibility of the time frames, and a lot else too, but they never complain about those inaccuracies. That bothers me."

"Oh, boy, you're getting to be so like Caryn. She'll be tickled pink if she hears about all of this. But on what you thought, you're right. Why don't they raise the roof. Maybe it's because it doesn't suit them. Think so?"

"Can't think of any other reason, so you must be right."

Chapter 7

Though I was awake, but I hadn't opened my eyes as yet. My mind was replaying a most pleasant thought. During the night, I know I nearly woke up, and while betwixt wakefulness and sleep, I had reached out, but had no idea why, or for what. However, when my fingers found Mary's hand, a feeling that everything was all right, that I was safe and well, overcame me, and I fell back into a nice, deep, restful sleep.

"I know you're awake because there's a small smile playing on your face. Are you going to tell me about it?" Mary's soft voice stirred me.

Opening my eyes, I saw her, and sensed she had been watching me for some time.

"How long have you been like that," I asked.