All Comments on 'Locked up with Sister'

Don't get me wrong, you are a good writer but the father in this story is super creepy and controlling. I mean yes what his daughter did was wrong but he literally turned her into a prisoner so much so she even needed permission to go to the toilet. I would be looking in the basement to see if the father has a couple of girls he kidnapped 15 years earlier in there.

As a result of the creepy father and how the other characters just go along with it I found it sort of hard to enjoy this story.

having 2 people over the age of 18 locked in the house like this is called wrongful imprisonment and possibly kidnapping.its one thing to take away the kids phones laptops but to totally lock down both kids for what the 1 did after asking the 2nd to give up 2wks of their life to help you out is fucked up.i dont know about in you place of living but to nail the windows shut and everything else is against the fire code as well as being fucked to take away the tv the have no way of getting info about what could be going on like weather or plane crashes that killed the parents so i say go to the nearest walmart buy a fucking crowbar and take off the shit that has them locked up.if they dont have any money i amsure a friend has something.

this just plain sucks and was a total turn off. this belongs in the round file not here.

I disagree with all the comments, I mean its an absurd set up, but I would like to see where this goes especially what the atmosphere is like by the time Mom and Dad come home. It might be enjoyable, since they are both of age to simply walk out at that time and go live together and leave the weak Mom to suffer the angry Dad. So write on and lets see what happens.

Can you say false imprisonment, kidnapping and aggravated assault? And when the fire breaks out and they're both killed because the house was illegally and deliberately remodeled to imprison them and deny them any kind of life-safety exit, will their creepily submissive doormat of a mother and loony control-freak father both get 25 to Life for 1st degree manslaughter? And if they're so pissed-off, and presumably intelligent, rational adults, why not just chuck a dining chair through a window and fuck-off together into the wild blue yonder? Or have the weirdo parents surrounded the house with gin-traps, mine-fields, and guard dogs? Stupid, illogical, pointless, and poorly thought-out story, zero stars.

Lighten up, Francis. This is a fantasy, let it go.

RedLion. I'm a bit confused. They're locked up, so you suggest that they go to the nearest Walmart and buy a crowbar to escape with?? I don't understand, but then maybe I'm just too logical.

Reminds me of 'Flowers In The Attic' - kind of creepy setup.

Great story! You spent a little too much time emphasizing that they will be locked-up together. Really? After one or two lock-up statements, we believe you. Get on with the fucking,,, harder... faster... deeper!

And a bad one at that to me.... Sorry!!

I would love to see where this is going. There should be more parts to the story.

Illegally imprisoned and endangered.

So what did the son do to be punished with two weeks without internet or TV ?

Easy to see that he will become resentful.

This may be the writer's fantasy... Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe he doesn't write for a living? Sure he could've worked on the plot or the structure but overall, I liked it. Just chill, stop hating, and just go find another story that fits your 'strict criteria.'

Maybe sis should be pregnant when parents return?

I think what a lot of the detractors are missing is that I believe this is a set up for the son/brother. I think the parents have set the guy up to make sure he bangs his sister. And of course she's in on it. I mean really: no tv, no internet, no phone, his mother making a point to tell him this was a good opportunity to improve his relationship with his sister, lots of beer, the author making a point of mentioning those mysterious locked cabinets a couple of times (bet sis has the key...either that or it's where the DVRs are for the video surveillance are). Nothing to do but drink, sleep, and have sex. Clearly, the guy is being punished for not meeting his sister's (sexual) needs and causing her to act out. ~_^

I'm eager to see if I'm right about the parents setting the brother up. I hope so, because I think stories where the parents are encouraging their children's incest are hot. ^_^

I liked the story, but I just feel the ending was rushed a bit. I think that if it had waited a few days, with some character progression, it would've been better. But 4 star from me for overall story!

I thought your story was great and I agree with two of the other comments.One you should continue,two I figure you will and should have it that the parents had hoped for just such a turn of events.And three that she does get nocked up.That said flesh this thing out don't be afraid to pump out several more segments.Now jump on in there and get after it.

it was a great build up but ruined by sudden ending. you could have written a few more paragraphs to build up sex.

I liked the beginning of the storie, but the sex scene was rushed and we don't get a satisfying ending, hope you continue this.

Seems as if the parents have gotten fed up with the sister screwing random guys and decided to force Tom to take care of her.

They knew he was in the house too so would not have taken the TV cables unless to force him to spend time with her, especially with the beer, wanted to lower his inhibitions.

Really needs a second chapter.

yet again our time is wasted with an unrealistic piece of trash that should never have been posted. the sister treats him like shit and wonders why he ignores her. the parents lock both up for the sisters trouble and don't think the brother will hate them for it. the parents shut off the internet and unplug the cable tv and think the kids will still be alive when they get home. this was fucked up from the start and needs to be deleted.

""

Dinner was a quiet affair again. I think they could sense that with each passing moment I was getting tenser and tenser. Even though my sister and I had started to get along somewhat, I was not looking forward to being trapped in the house for two weeks. Especially not without TV, internet and the locks on half the cupboards in the kitchen which still puzzled me. I ate quickly so I could return to my room. Right now I could have done without the rule of the family eating together.

""

...ok, I get that we have to suspend reality for the fun/plot of the story, but Im gonna bitch a bit anyway!

First, theyre both 18 or older, so she can pretty much leave any time she pleases and never come back, lol. Dad tied her hands behind her back?! And nobody in the house thought twice about that? Id be like, dad, you tie me up or lock me in my room Ill make sure youre in jail for the next ten years! What if there was a fire on this side of the house and nobody could get to my door? Im dead and its your fault! Go to the bathroom only twice?! Are you stupid? Does your ass let you decide when you get to shit? NO! It just tells you to go NOW when it wants!

...and as for the retarded son... Uh, keeping an eye on her is one thing, but you arent locking ME in! ...and all these mods to the house, locked drawers and shit? You better tell me what your doing before you do it if you want my help!! Im surfing, im watching tv and im COOKING REAL FOOD, not microwave plastic frozen crap!

You know what? Fuck your vacation dad, you knocked mom up with that girl, you stay home and deal with her, Ive got better things to do with my normal life!

...and the phone crap! You think im going to call you twice a day with updates?! Fuck. That. Im not twelve. Heres an update, you're lousy parents and you did a shit job raising her and communicating with her!

...mini rant over! Hehehe ,;)

""

W"So, did you see that our dear parents made sure we don't have TV or Internet while they are gone when you got the beers?" I asked

"Are you fucking serious? What the hell are we going to while we are stuck here? God fucking damn it. Why the hell would they do that?" Sarah said clearly as annoyed about it as I was.

"Yeah, I know. They didn't tell me why either"

""

....but did dumbass ask them ANY questions?? Noooooooo! Just fuck your sister and start killing the bordom already!! Heh.

""

My sister sighed deeply, and then said "Stuck in the house with no entertainment, only frozen food to eat, and unable to open a window if it gets hot"

""

Waitaminute! No bars on a few so you can get a breeze?! No airconditioning?! Aww FUCK NO!! Lol. What if it hits 100 outside and bakes up to 130 plus inside??

""

"Oh nothing Tom, I figured out a way to pass the time while we are locked up" she said as she leaned down to kiss me.

I moved my head to the side so she couldn't which made her whisper "Don't fight it" softly into my ear.

"Sarah, please! Go back to bed and we can forget this ever happened"

"I don't want to forget this, I want you inside of me" she said.

""

Oh thank you Sarah!! Girl thinks on her feet fast!!! Forget this ever happened?! What fake world would a brother EVER say that to his hot ass sister?? NONE! Rofl. Pussy!

""

"I don't care if I'm hard, this is illegal. Not only that, but it's also wrong!" I practically yelled.

""

Yeah, no brother ever. I hate storylines that shove that crap on the male character.

""

When I didn't do what she wanted quickly enough, she pushed me down onto the bed, and pulled my boxers down. She let out a satisfied moan and licked her lips as she saw my cock, then pulling her panties to the side she pushed down onto my cock. Her pussy felt heavenly.

""

...i feel like we got robbed a bit on description here!

Well at least sis has found a nice, safe outlet for her boredom from now on, lol.

'Hey dad, just callibg with my morning update! Sis fucked my brains out last night, it was hot!! Hey, quit yelling already!! Huh? Hell no I wont stop! Ill be fucking her night and day now! Hot pussy not ten seconds from me for two weeks, like id stop! What? Well idunno, i guess she could get pregnant, birth control never came up. Haha, I said 'came up' heh. Heh.'

Hell, no part two?! Wtf!!!

This is quite a boring story without a part 2.

I think you should write a part two.

I suppose the idea was sound, not believable but sound.

I mean, presumably these kids were old enough ( I can't remember ages being mention other than possibly a passing reference) for this site but in any civilised country obliging to that criteria would mean they were being illegally restrained.

Ok, so let us suspend belief in the law.

There have been examples of young women being imprisoned by their fathers, usually sexually abused (and worse), and even cases where male relatives have abused girls who have been locked away. That is real, no matter how appalled it makes us when we hear about it, but for the vast majority of us it will always be nothing more than a deviant fantasy that can never be admitted to to friends and family - which might be why this sort of story has a following.

The story scanned fairly well, there was little that jarred and the grammar appeared to be correct. But to me the whole plot just didn't really work; taking away liberty from two young people who are, apparently, adults just did not sit well with me.

And reading through the comments I've noticed a lot of appeals for the story to continue. I am utterly aware that at this level of writing getting criticism that doesn't sit with your own sense of well being can be (at the very least) off putting; being told the problems within a story that you were brave enough to put out for the world to read takes an awful lot of self belief. And yet being told to continue that story when you have decided it is finished can also be a huge wall to get around.

I write, here, and I take little notice of the appeals for a part 2 because my mind has essentially finished with those characters. They are gone. Sometimes I do go back and reread what was written, and think to myself that I could have added to it, maybe improved the plot or removed something that - now, on reflection, and with the inability of this site to allow editing - doesn't sit right. But then I rewrite the story, change the characters and the plot, grow a whole new story and acknowledge to myself that the criticism affected me, made me have another go and (hopefully) get better.

Resist the urge for a continuation.

As odd as the main story is with the parents is, the idea that the sister wants to spend 2 weeks screwing her brother isn't the worst idea. That may bring them so close, that their bond will be unbreakable by their weird parents. Some physical details would be great as would be the story continuing into a detailed part two sex romp and what they really want to do. They could end up sharing info and make them very sexually satisfied. That would be a nice focus.

Got to be the biggest read to a one paragraph fuck with zero foreplay ive ever read.

I think this story was terrible, 1* only

Teija sisko ja minä olimme eristyksissä 2 kk ja me nussimme monta kertaa.

Some Time Later...

From the files of an unknown private investigator:

Of all the cases I worked on, this one bothered me the most.

After the mother tipped me off on what was happening, I got to the house and was able to free the occupants from their nightmarish prison.

Though... To be quite frank, things not only got stranger, they got the song "Sweet Home Alabama" stuck in my head.

It's been a few years since this nightmare became a reality, but from what I can gather:

The mother had begun to worry about her husband's mental health, and after he put up all the deadbolts and did what he did, she decided to call me and get my help.

The father had indeed lost his mind, though we don't know the catalyst for his insanity. The mad ramblings on the computer, the strange answers he gave during questioning, the outright refusal of any wrongdoing... He definitely needs a shrink.

As for the son and daughter... Well, I hope they are okay. They got the Hell out of there, and look to start a new life away from that house and the madman that lived there. While their... Lifestyle, let's say, wasn't what I'd call normal, I do hope they do okay in this world.

I often think about that family. And I keep wondering what exactly went so wrong.

What? Why? I have so many questions...I don't get it.

Im sorry but this wasnt very good at all. Nonsensical behavior of the parents. Then the same blings go from a tentative truce to the sister jumping on his cock out of nowhere. O ce the scene starts its over with no details . Wasted my time