All Comments on 'Love (Unofficial)'

The phrasing is dreadful. You've tried to create sympathetic characters but the phrasing and grammatical structure is so weak that the characters just come off as boring. All in all this is a poorly presented bland story. I'm struggling to find anything positive to say about this. Even the title is weird, doesn't make any sense.

Sweet story. I just love " Dad". Thanks

What I just read is "Lust (Official) so there must be some turn of event that will occur to make this Love (Unofficial) and perhaps just Love. I look forward to it.

Fire your editor. The many easy to spot errors ruined it. Story wise for this to be believable you need alot more background story, as it stands it was quite bland and didn't grip me at all.