All Comments on 'Love x Two Ch. 01'

5*

Awww.. I Love a happy ending. 8)

You could have perhaps used some build up and some more descriptive narrative. IT was a good story, but some development of the story would have made it sizzle more.

You need an editor.

Your plot and characters had a lot of potential, but instead of setting the scene and developing the love affair, you rushed them to bed. Please with your next story take your time and let it all evolve slowly and fully! Fair job!! Please continue writing as I look forward to your growth as an author.

too fast but the story plot is good. keep writing. next part you must show some passionate love and anal sex between mom son. and story should proceed slowly.

There's a big difference between gutless insulting comments from none writers, and cowardly comments from "anonymous" people. Although I think a lot of the comments are not to bad. Constructive criticism should come from fellow authors only in my book, as I a none writer I never do it. Keep on writing bud, you'll be fine. Thank you for writing; it is always good to read on my favorite subject "incest romance".

It was a little fast, but overall very good.

Pointers, since you seem to want constructive feedback.

*Add more description of the mom's looks, and don't worry about this part being realistic. For me, it is totally OK if you describe her as a playboy playmate of the year in the looks category.

*It may be hard to do, but reread your story after you write it and a day later. See how it flows, and look for grammar mistakes. Yes, and logic mistakes also.

*The cameras was a bit much. You could have made it more realistic to simply say that your video camera had a security setting..many do, that allows it to only come on when there is motion in the room. Then you could have said that you hid it in the living room and thus was able to hear and see her tell the guy she had a good time and then closed the door on him. You could have added in some paragraphs about him knowing she masturbates at certain times when she thinks he is out of the house visiting friends. Then you add in that he hid the camera in her room to video her doing that. The wiring the house with cameras was a bit too much. I think that only goes well if the guy is fairly well off, and or somebody who has access to these things, like a cop or something. In short, keep this idea very simple but logical. Yes, technology is out there to easily do this stuff now, but it does cost money.

*Why do we care about these people? You didn't do a bad job in this set up, but like the whole story, it was just a little bit rushed. Keep this story fresh, and work some new details in there and rewrite it sometime, but really stretch out the part where he turns 18. By this, I mean, don't rush them to bed as he turns 18. You had a perfect segue into some build up when you said that they cuddled.

You could have had him become more the man of the house as he turned 18, like getting a job and being more of a provider. Then you build up the cuddling stuff. Titillate us with details of them spooning and it becoming slowly more sexual. Like them dozing off one night and her waking up to find him holding her breast in his sleep, and her feeling his hard-on pressing into her butt on most nights.

You could have her turn toward him on night while they are watching a movie and in a flirty way, look up at him, reach down and squeeze his cock and say that he seems to get excited a lot, or something to that effect. Then she let's go and rolls back over. This first time he is basically just shocked she did it. Maybe you could have her do it again a week later but this time, he has been waiting for her to do it again so when she does and then goes to pull her hand away, he grabs it and holds it on his cock, and tells her it feels good so he doesn't want her to let go.

*overall, the story was excellent...just too short. So next story, write it like this, but then shelve it for a day or two, and then pull it back out and read it...then you might find ways to add to it.

*here's a trick we learned in English Composition I. You write a simple sentence.

"A girl stood at the window." Then you start adding to it to make it tell a story.

As the rain poured down, the girl stood at the window.

As the rain poured down, the girl with blond hair and blue eyes stood at the window.

As the April rain poured down, the girl with the blond hair and blue eyes stood at the window.

As the April rain poured down, the girl with the blond hair and blue eyes stood at the big picture window.

As the April rain poured down, the girl with the blond hair and blue eyes stood at the big picture window that overlooked the front yard.

As the April rain poured down, the girl with the blond hair and blue eyes stood at the big picture window that overlooked the front yard where she watched a cat.

As the April rain poured down, the girl with the blond hair and blue eyes stood at the big picture window that overlooked the front yard where she watched a tiger stripped cat run for the cover of the porch.

This is why you reread the story a few times. You'll find ways of adding to sentences and even add more sentences.

Anyway, kudos to you though because you appear to have talent. Keep it up.

I would have liked it more if you could have been more graphic in the sex scenes more detail and variety, a blowjob and some cunnilingus would have set it off. Keep writing.

The story was great but left me wanting descriptions. Mom's looks and details about the sex between them, like what (in detail) did they do to each other.

Wimp ass clean out session when Ms Flow in town.

Their*

Having read 500-600 incestuous love stories between mother and son and someone who has no problem with mutuall consensual incest in real life, I offer the following comments:

1. Mother and son chracters need to be dev eloped in both depth and breadth. Right now they are two dimeniional.

2 There is no mental, emotional, psychological attachmet of the characters except for the stated fact that they are mother son.

3. I do not think that, in a real life situation, a mother and son would immediately jump into a sexual relationship.

I ratedthis first chapter 4 stars becaus of potential.