All Comments on 'Marge, Joan and I Connect Ch. 01'

...give us more!

Not every body part needs to start with a capital. it is a nice story, but that distracts from the reading experience.

If the sister shows up and she has as hot a pussy as his wife and mother in law, the boy will be very busy.

All he can do is drink plenty of liquid to keep from becoming dehydrated.

Thanks

Invite George too into the scene.

...standards of language, grammar, punctuation, etc. But I am flummoxed by others who make such comments and cannot write worth a shit. The dope who wrote: "Nice, but get a proof reader Not every body part needs to start with a capital. it is a nice story, but that distracts from the reading experience." needs his own tutor to fix his many errors. "Proofreader" is one word, the opening remark needs a period to make it a sentence, the next sentence must begin with a capital letter, he should use "detracts" rather than "distracts," and, furthermore, relatively few body parts begin with a capital rather than "not every." Fuckwit!

Also you need to do a spell check - "companiably "??.

In addition to that your grammar is poor. Consider a remedial English course.

this sounds like the middle of a story not the begining. how can you start a story with "I AWOKE THE NEXT MORNING" when you never said what happened the night before? get a good editor and do a major rewrite on this crap and NEVER EVER POST A STORY WITHOUT GOING THROUGH A GOOD EDITOR FIRST. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND SOME RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND ALWAYS MAKE SURE IT IS DONE PROPERLY OR DON'T DO IT AT ALL.

DBRS