Marilyn Brought Me a Surprise

"I'm Donna," she said.

"Mark. What's a nice country girl doing in a place like this?"

"What do you mean a place like this?"

"I grew up a hundred yards from a place just like this in Idaho. It was and this is my second favorite kind of place to unwind."

She smiled and said, "That's the nicest thing I've heard about my place in ten years. Thanks."

"Does that explain the great service?"

"I don't think so. I think Carol would like to take a run at you."

"You know her better than I do. That's nice."

"I got you first. This is me taking a run at you."

"Another thing I like about places like this, the folk are about a subtle as a bomb. I miss innuendos, hints and winks. I like people who say things straight out."

"You lie. I watched you sitting at the bar. You picked out six or seven women on the dance floor who are fishing for a catch for the evening, before they go home to hubby. You saw three of them cast, catch and leave for the evening. You also noticed Betty who is our Friday nigh catch-and-release queen. She dances with a guy up to three times. He can touch anything he can reach but after the third dance she tosses him back. What is it you do outside places like this?"

"I'm a licensed private investigator, off duty."

"Then why the my-dog-died face?"

"My wife of sixteen years isn't who I thought she was. She is a hooker and a bisexual hooker at that. She's being served divorce papers on Monday. She doesn't know it's coming."

"She's hooking and barebacking you?"

"We've not had sex in weeks. We've played a lot and I've been inside her ass, but I've been checked and I'm clean. I can't guarantee she always uses condoms, but I don't have anything."

"Thank God! Otherwise I wouldn't let you in me!"

"After what I just told you I'm amazed you'd even keep talking to me."

"Sure. I'll even take you upstairs and show you a few dance steps we don't allow down here."

"I'm not so sure I'd be very good company tonight."

"What is her name?"

"Tina."

"Do you think Tina is alone right now?"

"No. She's at a party eating at least four women's pussies."

"I can offer only two. Mine and Carol's. But either or both will cost you." My face changed. The word Hooker went through my mind. She saw it.

"You have to be able to fix a hot water heater. I'd never ask you to pay for my pleasure."

"Ok, where's the hot water heater?" She pointed upstairs. I stood up and offered her my hand. She took us to a door, unlocked it, ushered me inside and locked it again when she was inside with me. We climbed that stairs and turned left at the top. I saw the hot water heater.

"Tell me what's wrong." I asked.

"It heats, makes a hell of a racket and you get ten minutes of almost hot water."

"Do you have a garden hose?" I asked.

"Yeah, out back."

"If I can get it up here I can fix this heater in about forty minutes, easy."

Donna used her cell to call someone and said, "That garden hose in the storage room needs to come up to my apartment. Have Carol bring it up. Thanks."

We found something to do with our mouths and hands while we waited. I didn't care how long it took Carol to bring the hose. After about ten minutes we heard the door downstairs open and Carol delivered the hose. About half-way up the stairs there was a window. I opened it and tossed one end of the hose out the window.

Carol said, "If you were just gonna toss it out the window why have me tote it up here?"

I showed her that I still had one end. At the hot water heater I screwed the hose onto the bib near the bottom of the heater. I opened the valve and water flowed down the hose and out of the window. We heard things beside water flowing out as well. The heater came on and Donna was right it was noisy. I explained that what they heard was calcium carbonate residue breaking up and flowing out. It took a while but eventually it stopped making noise. I shut the valve and waited. Donna asked, "Is it fixed?"

"Well know soon. When the water stopped filling the water heater we waited fifteen more minutes and I took both women into Donna's bathroom. I said, "How long has it been since you had a good, hot shower here?"

"A couple of weeks. Worse, everyone downstairs hears the damn heater every time I shower."

I leaned in and turned on the shower. Fifteen seconds later steam was rising. The only sound was the sound of water running and splashing in the shower. I leaned in again and shut it off."

Donna said, "Carol, if you're staying it's to have this gentleman eat your cunt. He's going to eat me to and if I have a rubber maybe I can get him to fuck me senseless."

"After he does all that, if I can inspire him, can he fuck me too?"

"Yup." They led me into the bedroom, striped me and each other and led me back into the shower. They enjoyed getting enough hot water and very clean by making sure I got to enjoy the hot water, the cleanliness and their naked bodies.

Donna didn't look far to find a condom. The drawer beside the bad had about six in it. She didn't put it on me, she offered me the lunch menu and I dove right in. Carol played as well, feasting on Donna's breasts and stroking me with her hands. When Donna tensed and came Carol stifled her scream by pushing as much of one of her tits into Donna's mouth as she could take. I hadn't cum. I hadn't penetrated Donna with anything except a tongue and a few fingers. I moved over to Carol and ate her. The feel was very different but the taste was almost identical. She approached her orgasm much like Donna had, quivering lower belly, full body twitches and then her back arched, her legs straightened out and she screamed. I lifted myself and pushed my cock into Carol. She moaned into Donna's mouth and held onto Donna's breasts.

I gave Carol ten hard strokes and moved to Donna. Ten harder strokes and Carol had moved. She was belly to belly with Donna. Her pussy was mere inches above Donna's. I switched back between them every ten strokes. They kissed each other and stroked their clits to more orgasms that I could count. When I was ready I filled the condom and sounded like a wounded moose.

All three of us laughed. We cleaned up and fell asleep to the soft sounds of Clint Black singing downstairs. In the morning I was glad I hadn't rented a motel room. I was invited to stay another night and to enjoy a couple more showers. They made sure I got good and sweaty.

We set an alarm for five Monday morning. I was invited back anytime. At our breakfast Donna said to Carol, "He knows. He knew before the hot water heater got fixed."

Carol looked at me and said, "Knew what?"

"Donna's your Mom."

"How did you know?"

"There's an intimacy between you that goes beyond being friends or employee-employer. In a pinch you'd use the same toothbrush. The clincher was when I ate both of you. You taste almost exactly the same. You cum almost identically."

"He's good. I was proud of myself. I didn't call you Momma once."

Before six I was on the road south. I was smiling. At seven I turned on the radio and tuned to the monitor. At almost seven-thirty I heard Tina's car start and a couple minutes later I heard Nurse Kathy's voice, "You just left!"

"I already miss you all. My pussy's sore and it feels so good."

"Think Mark will want a good fuck as soon as he gets home?"

"Probably. Maybe I can just blow him and have him eat me."

"Sounds terrible to me, but I've never been there." Kathy said.

"I've made up my mind. I'm leaving Mark at the end of the month. I'd rather live with you guys in my life everyday than to worry every day about Mark being upset."

"What will you do for money?" Kathy asked.

"The library offered me a job in the children's library. It pays a thousand a month and I have some money saved. I'll be Ok."

"Have you priced apartments?"

"I have one. It's tiny, but I like it."

"Do they allow pussy eaters?"

"They didn't ask if I ate pussy."

"Well if they don't ask, don't tell!"

I opened my laptop and watched her GPS track. At five till eight her phone rang in the car. She answered, "Janet."

"Bob. You available?"

"When?"

"Eight-thirty until ten. The Marriot on Century, room 804."

"I'm not dressed up."

"I'm not renting your clothes. Bring you pussy and your ass. I have everything else."

"Do you have pictures for me?"

"Lots of them."

"I'm on my way."

"It's Ok to be early."

She ended the call and I watched as her GPS marker turned toward the airport. I smiled. I had two hours where I knew she was busy and I could get things out of the house. Not everything, but enough. I called a locksmith and got him to come over and rekey the locks on the house.

When I got home I checked the house. It appeared she'd been gone as long as I had. I took the baseball and the picture of Sandy Kofax and put them in the trunk of my car. I packed another suitcase and put it in the trunk too. The three friends I'd asked to arrive at eleven called to verify they would be there at exactly eleven.

I gathered all the things I needed to have her sign and the papers I wanted her to sign. Right next to that envelope on the table I put the other envelope, full of copies of all the evidence I had on her and her "friends". I was ready.

At ten-fifteen I called her cell. She answered on the first ring. "Mark, are you home?"

"Yes. Where are you?"

"I'm on my way home. I dropped something off at the library. Give me ten minutes and I'll be home."

"Could you stop at the market and get me a box of those English Toffee Ice Cream bars? I have a craving."

"Sure. I'll get you a box."

It delayed her until ten-forty. She came in, kissed me and handed me the ice cream bars. I opened the box, offered her one that she didn't take and then I asked her to sit down at the table. She saw the two big envelopes on the table and she started to cry.

"Tina, why are you crying?" I asked as I sat next to her.

"The last thing you said to me on Friday scared me to death. Now there are two big official looking envelopes on the table. I'm afraid."

"Of what? Afraid that I know you like eating pussy with your lesbian friends?"

She nodded and said, "Afraid of what you're going to do to me."

"Think I'll beat you?"

"No. You're not a violent man."

"Then what?"

"I'm afraid you'll leave me."

"No! I won't. Here's what we will do. You'll need to listen carefully. I'm not leaving. Every dollar that bought this house I earned. Every dollar that paid for everything in this house I earned. I'm not leaving. You are." I opened the first envelope and handed her the divorce papers.

She screamed, "No!" and wouldn't touch them. She started to get up and I grabbed the sleeve of her blouse. She sobbed and said she wouldn't go.

I said, "I know about Nurse Kathy and the other five women you have sex with. If you won't sign the papers I will go public with pictures and data on all five and you. Want to see pictures of you wearing a strap-on fucking Nurse Kathy?"

I reached into the other envelope and pulled out one picture. A high definition shot of Tina shoving a strap on into Nurse Kathy.

I went on. "I know about Brian Templeton. Twenty minutes ago he was served divorce papers by his wife. He was served in room 326. I have video of him with you in that room, more than once. His wife has video of him with other women, but not of you. Mr. Templeton is about to be broke and perhaps in jail. That's over a thousand a week you won't be getting any more."

She was staring at me and she had stopped crying.

I pulled a list I had made on my computer of names, addresses, wives names and phone numbers. I put it in front of her. In five seconds she had torn the list to shreds. I didn't move to stop her. I said, "If these papers are not signed by eleven fifteen evidence admissible in court will be delivered to all the wives on the list. The evidence includes DVD's of you being fucked by each of those men. You know I'm good at what I do."

"What do I sign?"

I showed her the agreements. She read them and knew I knew everything. She said, "Give me a pen."

I put the evidence envelope away in my bedroom and opened the front door. Three men I had hired as witnesses came in. Two were court clerks. They watched her sign and then they signed, after one of them asked Tina, "Has anyone coerced you or threatened you in any way to get you to sign these agreements?" Tina looked him in the eyes and said, "No. This is what I want."

By eleven-forty all the papers were signed and the witnesses gone. I handed Tina a deposit slip to my checking account, newly opened. I said, "Right now there is two hundred dollars in that account. It's Monday. If the balance on that account isn't one-hundred-sixty-four thousand dollars by Thursday at noon the evidence goes public and ruins all of you. If the money is there you can have all the evidence I have damning you and your friends and clients."

"It will be there." She sat there. Broken. I let her sit while I ate one of the ice cream bars and then I said, "Get you suitcases. Fill them and get out. You can go to your apartment or over to one of your lesbian lover's homes. I don't care."

By one in the afternoon she was gone. On her way out I got her house keys and her garage door opener.

The six o'clock news didn't say anything about Brian Templeton getting a divorce. At seven my phone rang and Josh said, "You got Mr. T in deep Bandini didn't you?"

"What happened?"

"At ten-thirty this morning I was asked to escort a process server and two police officers to room 326. I was afraid your wife was going to be caught inside. At the door I knocked and said, "Hotel security, pleas open the door." It took them a minute to open the door. Mr. T was in a robe and the woman was in her dress, but her panties, stockings and bra were on the floor. Pictures were taken, the woman was served and so was Mr. T. His wife didn't say anything until he was served the second set of court papers. Then she screamed at him that he was restrained from going anywhere within five hundred feet of his office until the federal audit was complete. It was classic. He turned white as a sheet and collapsed on the floor.

The woman got dressed right in front of us and walked out. She was nice looking except for two or three bruises on her tits. One of the officers call the paramedics and after they carted Mr. T away his wife emptied his wallet and she left."

"I think he screwed up."

"I think so, too. How did Tina take the news?"

"She signed the divorce papers today."

"My sister's single and nice looking."

"No thanks. I'm thinking about relocating."

"Going to sell your place?"

"I don't think so. Maybe I'll rent it out if I can find someone I trust to rent it."

"Right now my sister's living with us. Rent it to her. If she messes it up I'll kick her ass!"

"Figure out how much she can afford and bring her over on Thursday afternoon. We'll work it out."

I locked up the house and drove north to Santa Barbara eating an English Toffee Ice Cream bar for the first few miles. In Ventura I stopped just off the freeway at a western clothing and boot store. I bought two pair of boots. Nothing fancy, just good boots. I bought three western shirts as well. Button front, not snaps. Where I was raised only city men wore snap front shirts.

I changed into my new clothes in their changing room and forty minutes later I was the only one parked in the lot next to the country bar. I opened the back door and walked into the darkness. I got almost to the bar when I heard a squeal and saw a blur headed my way.

I caught Donna in my arms and we kissed. We kissed a few more times and I set her back on the floor. I said, "Excuse me ma'am. I just dropped in to see if your hot water heater's still working."

I left Thursday morning with an invitation to come back. A solid invitation. A key to the back door was on my key chain. When I got home I found a note on the back door. It said, "Call me. I transferred money to you and I'd like to come by and get the rest of my things. I'm sorry. Tina"

I called and she answered on the first ring. "I'm sorry." She said.

"Don't be sorry to me. You knew what you were doing and who you were doing. What's the old saying? You made your bed, now you can sleep in it. You can come by anytime for the rest of today. Tomorrow new tenants are moving in. Don't come by and bother them. Gather all your lady-friends and come get everything."

"You're renting the house out?"

"Yes. The market's too soft to sell it now, so I'll rent it for a year or two."

"Where will you live?"

"I'm thinking about relocating. I'll keep my email address so if you need to find me, you can."

She came with three women who loaded boxes of her stuff and loaded three cars with everything. I uninstalled the GPS and audio monitors from Tina's car. I ate two more ice cream bars and answered their questions about where I was moving (I'm not sure), and what I was going to do (help people get divorced if that's the right thing to do). One of the nurses asked, "How long did you know Tina was having sex with us?"

"Know or have a suspicion?"

"Know."

"When I heard Kathy ask her if I'd ever kiss her again if I knew she was eating Kathy three days a week. I had a suspicion before that, but that sealed it."

She smiled weakly and started to walk away. I said, "I kissed her that night. I kissed her even after I knew she spent a weekend with your coven. I love the taste of pussy and I've tasted some of her lesbian friends who didn't think they'd ever be tasted by a man."

She colored and left the room. A few minutes later they were all leaving and I stopped Tina in the doorway. I held her and kissed her on the mouth. She was shocked at first and then started to respond. I tongued her and broke off the kiss. I looked at the nurse who had asked the question and said, "Would you like a good-bye kiss too?"

She didn't even say "No."

They were gone less than half an hour when Josh brought his sister over to see the house. I rented it to her. Hell, I owed Josh for helping me solve a big case and get paid a hundred-sixty-four thousand dollars. I gave her the keys and garage opener and asked if I could have her wait until Saturday to move in. I wanted a cleaning service to come in. She gave me her business card, for her cleaning service. I hired her and said I'd have all my crap out by Saturday morning.

I was busy. I rented a storage place and a truck. Three friends helped be move my stuff into storage. I stayed in a small hotel on Ocean Avenue Friday night. I stayed alone. Saturday morning I called my brother, gave him Donna's address and phone number and then I drove north.

It has been two years since I left L.A.. I'm very busy. My PI business is good. There are people who shouldn't have gotten married in Santa Barbara County too. From my position behind the bar I see candidates every night. My fake handlebar moustache and black ball cap help. I haven't touched a dime of the money Tina deposited. Mrs. Templeton sent me a bonus check for a hundred grand. We used some of that to remodel a little of the apartment above the bar and to expand the kitchen downstairs.

Oh, Brian was indicted for embezzlement and got ten years. His ex-wife owns his company and is quite successful. On the one-year anniversary of the divorce Donna and I were in New Orleans. I mailed an envelope to Nurse Kathy. Inside it was a four by five color picture of the two of them having sex with a strap on. It is the only picture I had of Tina having lesbian sex. I'll wait a few years and send them another copy.