Mason Ch. 14

She couldn't deny that Jamie needed a man in his life other than her father and Robert and that Mason was definitely good for him, for them she corrected. The things that Mason was teaching Jamie were things that she never would have thought of in a million years. She was struck again at how old world Mason was, he acted even older than her father and he was close to sixty-six. Mason was thirty-nine but he reminded her of the men in the early 1900's or even the men of an earlier time period in his mannerisms. The feeling that Mason wasn't being completely honest with her resurfaced. And tonight she was going to find out why. If she was thinking about entering into a true relationship with him then there had to be complete honesty. If he couldn't do that, then a relationship was out of the question no matter how she felt about him.

Mason watched Toni and knew that tonight was going to be the beginning of their true relationship. The question was whether he would tell her everything tonight or break it down into smaller pieces. He was more than a little apprehensive about her reaction when he told her that he wasn't human and found himself wishing that Jamie was spending the night with her folks. He was concerned enough that he thought about suggesting that they talk another night when that could be arranged but before he could say anything, Jamie was at his side waiting with a book. Maybe he would mention it after Jamie was in bed.

Toni could tell that Mason was as nervous as she was. Where he was usually very attentive where Jamie was concerned, now he was distracted but not so much that Jamie noticed. After several stories, Toni sent Jamie to get ready for bed.

"Can't I stay up just a little longer?" he begged.

"Nope, time for little boys to be in bed." Toni said affectionately.

"Please? I want to stay out here with you and Dr. Mason." Jamie whined.

Mason stood back and watched, for now this was Toni's domain.

"Jamie, the answer is no." Toni said firmly.

Jamie looked to Mason for help and when none was forthcoming he turned back to Toni.

"Mom..."

"Bed. Now." Toni said in the tone that Jamie knew all too well. "Now say goodnight to Dr. Mason and I'll be in to say good night to you in a few minutes."

Jamie went to Mason and gave him hug good night.

"Thank you for taking us on the boat and the ice cream." he said.

"You're welcome; get some sleep I'll talk to you tomorrow." Mason said returning the hug.

While Toni went to change into more comfortable clothes, Mason started to make coffee for him and Toni. "No point in delaying things." he muttered as he ground the coffee beans and got the coffee mugs down.

Toni watched Mason moved around her kitchen and wondered why he hadn't found someone else after Katrina. It wasn't as if they had a relationship the way she and James had. The only thing that she could come up with was that he had really loved her much the same way that she had loved James. While he made the coffee, Toni went to check on Jamie. He was in bed and obviously not happy about it but he knew better than to ask again. Toni kissed him good night, shut out the light and closed the door.

The coffee was ready by the time she got back to the kitchen.

"Five creams and five sugars." Mason said handing her the mug of coffee. He noticed that Toni was wearing the bunny slippers that he bought for her.

"You really like those?" he asked indicating the slippers.

"I really like them." Toni replied. "As a matter of fact, I like them so much that I take them to work and put them on when I'm not out on the floor." she added as she headed toward the living room. She missed the satisfied smile on Mason's face as he followed her to the living room.

Neither of them spoke for several minutes as they drank their coffee.

"Fuck it!" Mason said under his breath. He sat is coffee cup down on the table and sat back, he was going to do this.

"Toni, I love you."

Toni sputtered on the sip of coffee that she had just taken. When she didn't say anything, Mason continued.

"There's a lot that I have to tell you but right now that's the most important thing for you to know that and that I love Jamie too."

Toni sat on the couch in shock although she didn't know why; she knew that he had feelings for her but for him to actually say it was a surprise.

"Toni?" Mason said. "Did you hear me?"

"I heard you and I don't know what to say." she replied.

"Start with how you feel about me and don't you dare try to lie to me and say that you don't feel anything." Mason said his expression serious.

In fact that was exactly was she was going to do but how did he know that? She wondered.

"Mason, I... look, I'm not going to deny that I'm attracted to you and that I like being with you but..."

"Toni, do you love me?" Mason asked.

She was caught and she knew it but she didn't reply.

"You do and you're scared to admit it." Mason said. "Now tell me why." he added and then waited. Now that they had started, he was going to sit on her sofa all night if he had to but he wasn't leaving until she at least admitted that she loved him, the rest they could deal with later.

"You don't understand." Toni said softly.

"Then explain it to me." Mason said relieved that she didn't deny that she loved him. "Is it because you feel guilty?" he asked after several minutes.

"At first I felt guilty but I made my peace about that or as much as I could anyway." Toni replied.

Mason knew what the real issue was but he wanted her to verbalize it, he wanted her to understand that she could trust him with anything so he waited.

Toni looked at him and understood why he was so good at his job, the man had patience much the same way James did when he was waiting for her to decide whether she loved him or not and like James, Mason knew that she loved him as well. Toni finally got to the point where she realized that there was no use in denying or fighting what they both knew to be true.

"Alright, I love you! But that doesn't mean..."

The "I love you" was all that he needed to hear, before Toni had finished her sentence, Mason was beside her on the couch and had her in his arms kissing her. Toni was caught so off guard that she didn't resist- at first. Toni put her hands on his shoulder and pushed. Mason broke the kiss with a very happy grin on his face.

"You didn't let me finish." Toni said a little breathlessly. "You wanted to know why I was so scared to say it so I'm going to tell you."

Mason leaned back taking Toni with him; she was exactly where he wanted her for now. "Tell me." He urged.

Toni hesitated and then spoke.

"After James died, I didn't think that I would want to be with anyone again and it wasn't just because of guilt, it was because I can't go through that again. I don't ever want to hurt like that again, I don't want Jamie to have to go through that again and before you say it , yes I know that we all have to die and that either I'll see him die or he'll see me die but it scares me.

Last night when I wasn't busy, all I could think about was if I entered into a full relationship with you, what would happen if you died? What would happen to Jamie? Because that little boy loves you even if he doesn't recognize the emotion in relationship to you."

As Mason listened to Toni talk, he debated as to whether this was the time to tell her what she needed to know and decided to wait. One thing at a time, knowing that she loved him was enough for now, but on second thought, he decided to tell her about the condo next door.

"Toni, I have a confession." Mason said.

Toni tried to sit up sop that she could see his face but he held her in place not ready to let her go. Toni insisted on sitting so that she could see him and reluctantly Mason let her up.

'I'm listening." Toni said when she was looking at him.

"I know who bought the condo next to you." he said quietly.

"You do? Who and how do you know?" Toni asked.

Mason hesitated before he spoke, "It was me."

"You?" she asked confused and then she was angry. "You lied to me. You acted like you didn't know anything and to me that's a lie by omission."

"I had a reason for not telling you." Mason said.

"I'm sure you did, would you care to explain why you bought the condo next to mine and didn't tell me?" Toni asked her tone icy.

He couldn't lie to her, she would know so he went with the truth.

"I didn't want anyone living next to you and I wanted to be able to be close to you and Jamie whenever I could." Mason explained.

"Have you been staying there?" Toni asked.

"No, I've been in and out but I actually moved in the week before you moved in here. I didn't want you to think that I was stalking you or crowding you. I wanted you to know how I felt about you before I told you." Mason replied.

Toni considered his explanation and knew with certainty that he wasn't lying to her.

"Alright, I can accept that but that really is a little creepy." Toni replied much to Mason's relief. "But you've lied to me before and I want to know why." Toni added.

"Toni, I didn't...."

"Yes you did." Toni interrupted. "The first time was when I asked you why you didn't send me a bill for your services when you were treating me. The second time was when I asked you why you hadn't cashed the check that I gave you, the third time was when I asked you why you were practicing in a institutional setting when you had a lucrative private practice but that time you told me a partial lie, the last time was when I asked you how old you were.

Honesty is important to me and if you feel that you have to lie to me about things that in the big picture may not matter, what else are you going to lie to me about? I can't and won't be with someone who doesn't trust me enough to tell me the truth no matter how much I may love them so this is your one chance to come clean. If you can't then ...."

"Toni, you don't know what you're asking." Mason said.

"Yes, I do." Toni replied. "I asked a very simple question, why did you lie to me and while I'm at it, how in the hell did I know that you lied?"

Mason floundered, this wasn't the time to do this but he had to give her something. "Would it suffice if I told you that the fact that you know when I'm lying is an indication that we are meant to be together?" Mason asked.

Again Toni listened to Mason's words.

"You're not lying... How? I don't ... How?" she asked.

"Toni, there is so much that I need to tell you but not tonight, do you think that your parents can take care of Jamie for a night? Much of what I have to tell you isn't for little ears and I will need all your attention." Mason said.

"Mason, what aren't you telling me?" Toni asked.

"Call your mother and see if they can take Jamie tomorrow night." Mason urged.

He watched as Toni debated whether to push the issue or not and then decided to do things his way. A few minutes later, arrangements for Jamie had been made.

"Good, I'll come for you at six and dress comfortably." Mason said. "And you can even wear your bunny slippers." he added as he pulled Toni into his arms.

"Mason, what's the big secret?" Toni asked her curiosity piqued.

"Tomorrow I promise to tell you everything, there will be no lies or half truths and besides, you would know if I lied to you just as you knew that I lied before. I am going to ask you to do something for me." Mason said.

"You want me to trust you." Toni said.

"That and that you keep an open mind. Do you think that you can do that?" He asked.

Toni tried to imagine what he had to tell her that was so hush-hush but she would have to wait.

"I can only promise to try to keep an open mind. The fact that I've let you anywhere near Jamie and that I told you that I loved you albeit reluctantly should tell you that I trust you, it's the lies that I don't understand." Toni replied.

"I understand." Mason replied "but tomorrow night, you'll understand everything and we can move forward."

Mason left around six that morning before Jamie would be getting up. He didn't want Jamie to think that he had spent the night with Toni and realistically, if he knew Toni, that wouldn't happen until they were married or if Jamie was at his grandparents. With any luck, he was hoping that they would end up spending the night in his bed which reminded him that he wanted a new bed in his room. He didn't want Toni sleeping in the same bed that he had shared with another woman. As soon as he was in his car, he would call for the old bed to be removed and a new one brought in.

For just a brief moment he thought of having Toni come over to the condo next to hers but he changed his mind liking the idea of his house better, after all he was planning on Toni and Jamie moving in with him at some point and she might as well see her new home. He kissed Toni at the door, hating to leave her. This, he thought to himself was how he should have felt the very first time that he laid eyes on her.

Toni returned the kiss with no reluctance and was surprised that she felt no guilt or at least very little. She was even more surprised by the fact that she really didn't want Mason to leave. She wasn't frightened but more anxious than anything else.

"Toni, I am not going to die on you. I promise. Mason assured her wishing that he could stay with her. "Tell Jamie I'll talk to him later."

Mason kissed her once more and told her that he loved her before leaving. He had things to do to prepare for tonight.

Toni watched Mason walk away and almost called him back. "Get a grip." she mumbled as she closed the door and locked it. She rinsed out the coffee mugs, put them in the dishwasher and put the cream and sugar away before going into her bedroom. Jamie would be up soon wanting breakfast; he would be excited that he was going to his grandparents but upset because he wouldn't get to see Mason unless it was on the computer. Toni's stomach gave a nervous lurch as she tried to think of what could be so terrible that Mason didn't want Jamie to hear it. It gave another nervous lurch when she thought about the kiss and what it meant. It hadn't escaped her notice that Mason was hard when he held her tight against him.

"Oh god." she murmured as she sat down on the bed.