Maxine's New Life Ch. 08

"Is it different," I asked.

"It's my deluxe for special clients," she answered.

"Oh, I'm special?" Damn I am having a good day, I thought.

"Of course you are. You found my grand daughter and you brought love into my life."

"Skeeter?"

"Skeeter, Jack and his family. That's why I wanted to see you. Jack has asked me out on a date. I came to ask you what I should do."

"Okay honey here is my advice. Screw his eyes out." We both broke into laughter.

"Hell that was my plan all along," she said. "Max that wasn't the questions. I have been through menopause. I don't produce lubricants like I did before. I wanted to ask you what I should do."

"K Y is a middle aged woman's best friend," I said.

"I know that honey, what I wanted to know is when do I apply it, so I don't spoil the mood for him."

"Sweetie I don't think incoming rocket fire could spoil a man's mood. However, if you are worried, go to the ladies room after dinner, if it's to be on the way home. If you are going to do it in your house, go to the bathroom after things get hot and heavy. Men are used to us going to the bathroom at strange times." I thought about Helen's situation for a minute. You do know that it might be uncomfortable the first few times?"

"Yes I know, I'm probably going to be very tight at first."

"Yes and the bones might have to move. The ligament's elasticity might be compromised and could really be a problem for a while."

"Okay, I won't stop just because it hurts a little. I'll just take some pills first for pain. God knows there are enough around the house for my aches and pains of old age."

"Helen have you ever giving head?" I was rushing trying to get it all said, before the guys showed up for work.

"No, will I have to do that?"

"You might not have to, but men do love it. It isn't hard. and it isn't disgusting at all."

"This is embarrassing," Helen said.

"Do you want me to shut up?" I had a feeling it was why she really came to see me.

"No, how will I know when it is time to do it?"

"Wait for him to put pressure on you to move your head toward his penis. When he does that, it is decision time. If you aren't going to ruin it for yourself go ahead and try. Trust me you will get better the more you do it. Even better he won't know that you have never done it before, unless you choose to tell him. If you do tell him, then he can help you learn what to do."

"I think I will tell him. It might be exciting for him to know he is the first," she said very wisely I thought.

"I think that's an excellent idea."

"Now how is Skeeter doing?" I asked.

"She is wonderful Maxine. I swear she is the most loving animal on the planet. Jack has worked wonders for her, but you are the one I have to thank for it all."

"No Helen, you saved her," I said.

Just then Ed arrived ending any further sex discussion. Helen handed him a bag as he walked by her. It looked as though Helen were on her own Saturday night, just as much as I was going to be. I was assuming that her big night would be Saturday as well.

"Well Helen, how are you doing hon?" Ed asked as he tried her bag-o breakfast.

"I'm just fine Mr. Martin how are you?"

"About as good as an old man can be. So is Skeeter home yet, or still in boarding school?"

"She is still with Jack's family, but she will be home Sunday. I know she is going to miss them, but probably not the food there. Jack is not a gourmet cook you know."

"I'm sure he is nowhere near the cook you are. By the way this sandwich from the bag is wonderful," he said between bites. "Max, you should take some lessons from Helen."

Helen and I both smiled, since I had been giving her a lesson in a sense. "I might just work out a trade," I said.

"Well I have work to do. I have 200 lunches to get ready and then make a plan for a wedding reception." Helen left after thanking me yet again. I wasn't sure what it was for that time, but I was gracious for a change.

When Lucas finally came in he was soaked. "What happened to you?" I asked.

"I stopped to help a lady whose care was broke down."

"Did you get it working?" I asked.

"No, but I did call a wrecker for her. I waited with her so she wouldn't be alone in that neighborhood."

"What neighborhood do we have in Aster that isn't safe at 8AM?"

"Okay, I stayed because I wanted to."

"I certainly hope she was grateful." Ed said grinning.

"Probably not yet Ed. I know I can't be really grateful in a cold pouring rain." I laughed and was quickly joined by Ed. Not only did he find the remark humorous, but the look on Lucas's face was classic.

"It wasn't like that," Lucas said in his own defense.

"Lucas love. it is always about that. If men aren't actually spreading their seed, they are trying to find ways to spread it."

"Amen sister," Ed agreed. "We can do some really foolish things in the pursuit of what we pretend is love."

"Yeah, like stand in the pouring rain to keep a damsel in distress company. And Lucas honey, don't think she didn't know what you were doing."

Just about that time his phone rang. He took his phone and went into the vault room to take the call. Ed and I both smiled knowingly. There was no doubt that it was the Damsel in distress.

"Young love. you got to love it," I said.

"Hell, I would just like to remember it," Ed said with a laugh.

It was a day filled with crazy sexually oriented shit. From the rain keeping me in bed to masturbate right up until the 5PM call from Joey.it was sheer madness. Oh yeah, it seemed that Joey had changed his mind and wanted a second try at me. On that note my work day ended, but not my Friday. It just kept on getting worse.

After work I decided it was time that I paid skeeter a visit. What could happen to me visiting Skeeter? I thought. I pulled into the driveway leading to the parking lot just outside the kennel where Skeeter was staying. The parking lot wasn't really a parking lot at all. It was just an open raw dirt space, which could hold two cars, Since there were no other cars in the space, I decided that it was safe to stop.

Skeeter came to the gate when my van pulled up. I was glad that she remembered the sound of my van. I was even happier that she remembered me. Her tail wagged and she looked thrilled to see me. "No wonder Helen thinks you are the most loving girl in the world," I said to her. "You are so happy to see an old friend, aren't you baby."

"Hi," a female voice behind me said.

I turned to see a teenage girl standing behind me. "Hello, I'm Maxine Stone, don't worry I didn't come to steal your dogs. On second thought you better watch me, I just might take this old girl after all."

"I know who you are Ms. Stone." the girl said.

"Really, how do you know me?" I was curious. I was only looking for information at the moment.

"Every girl in town knows who you are."

"Dear God, then tell me I'm not some kind of role model."

"Just to some of us, mostly the ones who don't plant to get married the day after graduation."

"Well there is nothing wrong with getting married. It does seem to work a little better, if you wait. Of course it didn't in my case." Being the town tramp and a role model didn't seem as though they should go together, but it was a very small town. Not only that teenage girls are weird, I speak from experience.

"Yes I know, would you mind if I asked you some questions. The kids at school are dying to know about you and my dad won't talk about you at all."

"Well, I don't know your dad, except that he is helping to save my friend there."

"Yeah, he is helping you and his new girlfriend."

"Is there anything wrong with the new girlfriend?" I asked

"No she just seems really uptight that's all."

"Well she probably is nervous around you hon. You do seem a little in your face intimidating."

"Do I intimidate you?" she asked with a warm smile.

I had to stop and think about that. She didn't intimidate me, but I had to admit that she did arouse feelings in me. I didn't want to analyze them too closely. After all she was probably around 16 years old. Way to young to be causing the warm feeling in my abdomen.

"No you don't intimidate me, but I can see how you might some people."

"I'm glad I don't intimidate you," she said softly. That was scary but I ignored it.

"So what did you want to ask?"

"The rumor is that you are bisexual."

"That isn't a question," I replied.

"So are you?" she asked.

I decided I should try to slip it. "I have been married multiple times," was my reply.

"Is that way they didn't work?" She had me cornered. It was the old do you still beat your husband question.

"No, I'm a one man woman. Well at least one at a time."

"One man and how many women?" she asked.

"A relationship is a relationship and it's one at a time for me." Okay it wasn't true but I wasn't about to fill her head with my bad lifestyle choices.

"Have you ever considered a younger lover?"

"Not under the legal age of consent," I replied to shut her down.

"You should think about it," she suggested just as the pickup drove in behind my van.

"Julie, have you finished your homework?" Jack asked pointedly as he walked up.

"I just wanted to make sure Maxine wasn't some dognapper," she informed him.

"Okay, but get back to the homework now. I'll handle this." After she left he said to me, "I hope you aren't filling her head with nonsense."

"Me to," I said ignoring his innuendo. "I just came to check on Skeeter and I guess that is your daughter, who came out to make sure I wasn't going to liberate her."

"Yes that's Julie, my youngest. She is confused right now."

"Jack that is something you need to discuss with her not me," I said it to make damn sure he wasn't planning to tell me any family secrets. I just didn't want to be involved. I left quickly so as not to get into a discussion about lifestyles. Poor Skeeter didn't get near the amount of attention I had planned for her.

I stopped at a turnoff on the way home. It overlooked the same lake used as the marina. I loved to stare at water, while I tried to clear my head. It had been a terribly hormonal day for me. I had experiences ranging from my own fingers in me, right up to teenage girls coming on to me. That was not even counting the sex lives of everyone around me suddenly getting mixed up with mine.

It was after seven by the time I finished feeling bad about my failing to resolve anything at all. Instead of going home in the mood that I found myself in, I decided to stop for Chinese food. When I was a child, the restaurant building had been a finance company . I know because my mom went there every Saturday to pay on my school clothes loan. I always had mixed feelings about eating there. I might not have eaten there at all, had it not been the only Chinese restaurant in town.

I removed the clip on holster with the small hammerless .38 revolver. I seldom carried the pistol when not actually working. Usually at the best of times, when you realize you need a firearm, it is too late to use it. That was how the saying went anyway. It wasn't a true statement at all. It was usually too late for the first victim. If you weren't the first victim, you had a shot, so to speak.

I didn't think I would need the pistol, so I locked it in the van's console. I was seated at a postage stamp sized table reserved for a party of one. I didn't like eating alone. I noticed that so early in the evening there were others alone as well. That being the case I didn't feel too badly.

I heard the commotion before I saw the cause of it. There were two young black men with pistols playing gangster. They held the pistols sideways like they had seen in the movies. I would have laughed, except that they looked really nervous. It was a recipe for disaster, guns plus kids, plus drugs, equals deadly accidents. Still, it did piss me off.

They took the register and should have left. Instead one stood at the entrance to the dining room, while the other one went table to table demanding the customer's wallets. Since I didn't have a weapon, I was ready to pony up my wallet. Hell, I didn't have that much money anyway.

Before he got to me the kid stopped at a table with a man about sixty and said, "Give me your wallet old man."

The old man looked up at him slowly and said, "No."

"What do you mean no?" The kid asked.

"Just no," the old man repeated.

"Hurry up Marvin," the kid blocking the entrance said.

"Give me your fucking wallet," Marvin said putting the pistol to the old man's head.

The old man must have been running on adrenaline, because he move faster than I could follow. He pushed the gun away and at the same time pulled the kid forward. He gave the kid a vicious head butt. He had to know that the kid at the entrance would do something.

He would have, if I hadn't thrown my tea cup at him. After the tea cup landed on his face, he turned his pistol toward the new threat. That was a mistake. The older man was on him like a fucking bear. I saw him move toward the kid at the entrance so I moved to Marvin and picked up his pistol.

I was tempted to let the old man just kick the crap out of the kid. I should have, but instead I pulled the groggy Marvin to his fee. I pointed Marvin's pistol at the two men rolling around on the floor. "Hey guys am I going to have to shoot both of you just to get the right one?" Both of them stopped to look at me. The old man rolled away but he came up with the second pistol.

"Here," I said handing him Marvin's piece as well. "My egg drop is getting cold." Actually I needed to sit down. My knees where threatening to give way.

"What happened?" the patrolman asked. He asked me because I knew him from the Cop Out.

"That old man is either a hero, or a complete idiot." I said.

"So which is it?" he asked.

"Damned, if I know," I replied.

"Who the fuck are you?" I asked when I got a chance.

"Archer, Reverend Archer, I'm the pastor at the First Galilee Holiness Church."

"Well Preacher, you are a piece of work."

He smiled then said, "Even a preacher had to be something else first." Then he turned to Detective Anya Bostic who had arrived.

"Can't you stay out of trouble for a minute," she asked me after she finished with Reverend Archer."

"Hey it wasn't me this time. I was just having dinner."

"We need to talk," she said quietly. "I'll call you tomorrow. Get your ass home before you get in more trouble."

"Good advice, you have no idea what a crazy day it has been."

30

I stopped at WalMart on the way home from the Chinese dinner fiasco. I remembered to buy a radio, before I stopped by the subway sandwich shop inside the store. I bought a huge steak sandwich on the way out.

When I got home, I ate the sandwich while I watched a TV show from two days before, I watched it on my computer. I debated going to the Cop Out, but decided bed alone was more appealing. The Adrenaline had stopped racing so sleep was at least possible.

The next time I opened my eyes there was sunlight coming through the small high windows of my cabin. I had no idea why the convict/owner had set all his windows with the sills at four and a half feet from the floor. They were only two and a half feet high so they ran almost to the bottom of the roof in the front. Since the roof slanted downward from front to rear, the back roof beams were on top of the windows. It didn't look near as strange as it sounded. It was a cabin after all not a family house. The windows had a single pane of glass and opened by swinging out and down. I had seen that configuration before, but just couldn't place it. I'm sure it was an old movie.

The cabin seemed to be warm from inside the bed, but in fact it still had the night's chill. When I got myself out of bed, I turned the heater up a notch. I put the coffee maker to work on a fresh pot, while I heated yesterday's stale coffee in the microwave. I turned on my new radio, while I contemplated breakfast.

I had the party in the back of my mind, so it was hard to concentrate on anything else. I was hungry enough so that my empty stomach broke through the sexual anticipation long enough to force me from my lethargy. I decided that it would be a Maxine's microwave version of the Egg McMuffin for breakfast..

I had one frozen sausage patty left from a six pack I had bought some time before. I put it in a cereal bowl with a paper napkin on top, then into the Microwave for a minute. When it dinged, I removed the sausage patty from the bowl, then broke and egg into the same bowl. I scrambled it up a little, added some Texas Pete, then shoved it back into the Microwave for thirty seconds. When it was done, I heated an English muffin that was probably a month old. The combination of everything and a slice of sandwich style American cheese was my breakfast. It wasn't as good as a Helen bag breakfast, but it wasn't awful either.

The radio was kind of nice, once I found a decent music station. One that played oldies of course. I also found a talk radio station, one with conservative leanings. Then I found one with liberal leanings as well. Both views interested me, since both had some right thinking views as well as some kooks.

For instance, I am pro choice on abortion, but only because I am anti government intervention in my life. I don't want them telling me, I have to join a union, but I also don't them telling me what to do with my body. To me, my thinking is not inconsistent. If I let them regulate part of your life, then I have to let them regulate any part my own life as well.

I was having a grand old time calling both talk radio commentators idiots, when the phone rang. Actually it still didn't ring, it played that stupid music. "Hello," I said shortly into the thing.

"My aren't you in a mood," the male voice said.

"I'm in a fine mood, who are you?" I wasn't in the mood for a sales call.

"It's Reverend Archer, I was calling to invite you to church tomorrow. I didn't get a chance to say thank you for the tea cup toss," he said with a smile in his voice.

"If I come to your church Rev, will you tell me who you really are?" I asked

"I have no idea who I really am Maxine, but I will tell you who I have been."

"Then give me the address, and I'll give it some serious thought."

"It's on the English Trail out in West End. Do you know it?"

"I know where West End is, and I have a Tom Tom, I can find it."

"It's a little more difficult than that. The church is a store front mission, inside a former Union Hall. There is a sign in the window, but no sign on the outside of the building. It is a new mission."

"I promise if you give me a street address I'll find it, if I decide to show up."

"812 English Trail," he said. "I'll be expecting you. And Maxine bring your check book. Once you see the good work we are doing, you will want to make a contribution."

"I doubt that. Charity begins at home for me."

"Well come anyway," he said, just as the phone went dead.

Now that would be an interesting contradiction, a night of complete debauchery and then church the next day. I almost laughed, but it didn't seem all that funny after all.

"Maxine?" the next caller asked.

"Yes," I recognized the voice as Detective Bostic. "What can i do for you Anya?"

"We need to talk. This has gone on long enough without a plan. I am going to force a meeting with Marge. Will you be around for a while?"

"I have no plans for today. It's not like a need a trip to have my hair done." I still had only an inch of hair on my head. At least it was enough so that I didn't look skeletal any more. I just looked like a leather butch Dyke. Maybe that was my sudden appeal to all the women and even girls in town.

"I'll get back with you after I set it up with Marge," she said hanging up without a goodbye. She was the second person in a row to do that. People just didn't feel the need to be courteous with me for some reason.