All Comments on 'Mementos'

I have recently retired, and I have started to write again. This is, by far, the worst edited story I posted. I am planning to edit, and re-submit this story.

Sorry about that. I have been told that the re-submitted story will wipe out all comments and ratings, but I think this story should be re-posted.

OldHikeki.

This was a really unique discovery method. I don't think I have ever seen anything like it. I do appreciate how you handled Ellen. She probably did love her husband but she was so psychologically damaged from the years of incest and rape that she was able to compartmentalize her emotions. You aren't wrong, someone with a history like Ellen will never be able to be fully committed and honest until they face the entirety of what was done to her.

A little long, but enjoyable. Karma is a bitch. I don' t know if I could have walked out on them in the other guys house, without beating the shit out of him. I figured that's why you brought up the baseball bat. But setting his penis on fire, that was priceless. The Bear gives him 7 stars. ( Still can't count. ) I am a Yankee fan, and if I had a baseball bat signed by Mantle, or Chris Chambliss ( look him up ) I wouldn't soil it on him. The Bear approves.

The BEAR P.S. Now if I had a bat signed by a Red Sox player, That sh-- would have worked.

Good premise, I just personally think the ending was rushed.

John is an idiot. He catches his fiance' preparing to bed an old BF, then takes her back immediately. Then, when he catches her, now his wife, screwing Carl, he thinks she "may have just ended their marriage." MAY HAVE? Lol.

Reading again, this is a good one. I loved the fire and Pete. My Dad and I collected some great baseball cards, but steroids destroyed the values on Clemens, Bonds, McGuire, Sosa, and the rest. Dang drugs.

A little more on the ending would have been nice. Still a good story.

Despite the absurdities mentioned in previous comments, I very much enjoyed this story. His obsession with that baseball is a very clever element of the plot. The origins of Ellen's promiscuity are painful to contemplate.

Unfortunately John does not seem to have developed better taste in women. Of all the places Ashley could look for a Mr Right Now, why in the world would she choose the annual gathering of her brother's closest friends? I can't imagine having my friends tell me year after year what my sister was like during sex. Especially odious would be the tales about how several of them, at her request, had made her airtight.

When one considers her marital future, monogamy seems unlikely.

Good story! too bad the author isn't active now. 5 stars for a good story well told.

I wonder if this story would have been more effectively written in third person rather than first. I couldn't sympathize much, feeling the protagonist brought it on himself by proposing again after she'd shown herself not to be marriage material, but it made sense in the context of the story. It seems to me (not being a creative writing expert) that writing a story in first person makes sense when inviting the reader to identify with the protagonist (which I couldn't do when he foolishly dropped to one knee a second time), or when the writer wants to take the reader into the way of thinking of the protagonist, which doesn't seem to be a benefit here.

Good story. Personally, I'd have liked it better in third person.

It was good but she was obviously mentally ill or traumatised by earlier events and she should have had help to sort herself out. Maybe then she could have been honest with him.

I noticed the author commented about a year ago that he was about to start writing again. Hope he is okay and does start posting again.

pretty good, a few typos or missed words but great story line. Part 2 where Ellen tells on dead Daddy? and your new marriage?

"I just found the father of my 22 children"

Outstanding line, well done!

I think it could have been a lot better.

Also the MC knew exactly what he was getting into.

And, as per usual around here, the wife just HAD to be far more excessive than needed.

Amazing story combining obsessive-compulsive behavior intersecting with incestuous Electra behavior. An original hook in cheating wives patterns.

Admirations to such a creative author. Nice job.

Meh

As you hoped, I DID enjoy reading it, Immensely!! Thanks for a well-written and highly enjoyable read! Nice work!

This MC is a fucking idiot. She was going to fuck around on him before the wedding and he still married her. He got what he deserved

I would love to hear Ellen's side and her individual counseling sessions after the divorce.