All Comments on 'Mementos'

I would love to hear Ellen's side and her individual counseling sessions after the divorce.

This MC is a fucking idiot. She was going to fuck around on him before the wedding and he still married her. He got what he deserved

As you hoped, I DID enjoy reading it, Immensely!! Thanks for a well-written and highly enjoyable read! Nice work!

Meh

Amazing story combining obsessive-compulsive behavior intersecting with incestuous Electra behavior. An original hook in cheating wives patterns.

Admirations to such a creative author. Nice job.

I think it could have been a lot better.

Also the MC knew exactly what he was getting into.

And, as per usual around here, the wife just HAD to be far more excessive than needed.

"I just found the father of my 22 children"

Outstanding line, well done!

pretty good, a few typos or missed words but great story line. Part 2 where Ellen tells on dead Daddy? and your new marriage?

It was good but she was obviously mentally ill or traumatised by earlier events and she should have had help to sort herself out. Maybe then she could have been honest with him.

I noticed the author commented about a year ago that he was about to start writing again. Hope he is okay and does start posting again.

I wonder if this story would have been more effectively written in third person rather than first. I couldn't sympathize much, feeling the protagonist brought it on himself by proposing again after she'd shown herself not to be marriage material, but it made sense in the context of the story. It seems to me (not being a creative writing expert) that writing a story in first person makes sense when inviting the reader to identify with the protagonist (which I couldn't do when he foolishly dropped to one knee a second time), or when the writer wants to take the reader into the way of thinking of the protagonist, which doesn't seem to be a benefit here.

Good story. Personally, I'd have liked it better in third person.

Good story! too bad the author isn't active now. 5 stars for a good story well told.

Despite the absurdities mentioned in previous comments, I very much enjoyed this story. His obsession with that baseball is a very clever element of the plot. The origins of Ellen's promiscuity are painful to contemplate.

Unfortunately John does not seem to have developed better taste in women. Of all the places Ashley could look for a Mr Right Now, why in the world would she choose the annual gathering of her brother's closest friends? I can't imagine having my friends tell me year after year what my sister was like during sex. Especially odious would be the tales about how several of them, at her request, had made her airtight.

When one considers her marital future, monogamy seems unlikely.

A little more on the ending would have been nice. Still a good story.

Reading again, this is a good one. I loved the fire and Pete. My Dad and I collected some great baseball cards, but steroids destroyed the values on Clemens, Bonds, McGuire, Sosa, and the rest. Dang drugs.

John is an idiot. He catches his fiance' preparing to bed an old BF, then takes her back immediately. Then, when he catches her, now his wife, screwing Carl, he thinks she "may have just ended their marriage." MAY HAVE? Lol.

Good premise, I just personally think the ending was rushed.

A little long, but enjoyable. Karma is a bitch. I don' t know if I could have walked out on them in the other guys house, without beating the shit out of him. I figured that's why you brought up the baseball bat. But setting his penis on fire, that was priceless. The Bear gives him 7 stars. ( Still can't count. ) I am a Yankee fan, and if I had a baseball bat signed by Mantle, or Chris Chambliss ( look him up ) I wouldn't soil it on him. The Bear approves.

The BEAR P.S. Now if I had a bat signed by a Red Sox player, That sh-- would have worked.

This was a really unique discovery method. I don't think I have ever seen anything like it. I do appreciate how you handled Ellen. She probably did love her husband but she was so psychologically damaged from the years of incest and rape that she was able to compartmentalize her emotions. You aren't wrong, someone with a history like Ellen will never be able to be fully committed and honest until they face the entirety of what was done to her.

I have recently retired, and I have started to write again. This is, by far, the worst edited story I posted. I am planning to edit, and re-submit this story.

Sorry about that. I have been told that the re-submitted story will wipe out all comments and ratings, but I think this story should be re-posted.

OldHikeki.

Who cares about a few mistakes when the story is good. This puts most of what is posted recently to shame.

I30 goes east and west not north and south, and I35 goes into Oklahoma city not I30. I30 does not go into Oklahoma at all.

He's engaged to marry the bitch... and accidentally finds out that she's sneaked out on a date with her 'old boy friend'... goes where they are and SEES her kissing him passionately. Someone in that restaurant should have picked up a very heavy chair and broke it over his head when he got down on his knee to ask her to marry him again.

How did THAT dumb fuck get to be as intelligent, intuitive and clever as the guy we were just reading about? .... hmmm This one should have been listed under Fantasy.

I agree with those that pointed out he got what he deserved. There was no reason to ask her to marry him again. To ask her to marry him again is silly, to do it the same evening he caught her cheating without any reason to think things would improve is crazy.

have 22 kid

if you add football you have the Texas family history evolved. TK U MLJ LV NV

...and upon reaching the hotel room, immediately called the park to find out when Nolan was pitching. The Astro's had stupidly allowed Mr. Ryan to sign with the Rangers; still a sore point with many fans in Houston. I sat in the outfield bleachers, cooking in the sun, just to watch a future hall-of-famer throw the ball. He lasted until the 7th, if memory serves; those were the days where he was having problems with his lower back. Good memories.

Sounds like John is trading a cheating wife for someone with the potential to do the same thing. Maybe he's looking for love in all the wrong places?

This isn't complicated. Engaged women do not go out on last dates. They take their fiancee along and introduce them to the old flame. If there is any question about romance, they should not want to go. Wanting to go is the clearest indication that she isn't ready for marriage.

Enjoyed this story as much as the first two LW stories I’ve read. Again, you gave the reader something new to consider from a cheating spouse.

For all those who are worried about the flashpoint of vapors from a spilled alcoholic drink I recommend they go to a good Greek restaurant, oh that’s right they’re all good, and order saganaki as an appetizer.

it's just a shame therapy as a whole is only female-centered. it's about feelings and hashing over feelings, re-living feelings, and constant talking. but that rarely helps men. the very very few and brave therapists that experimented with male-centered therapy sessions had ridiculously better results. i mean, across all metrics you can think of. but it was clever that the husband used that feelings crap against the wife. compulsive therapy for couples is such an invasion of basic human dignity and rights.

that ex-wife was a basket case, but also an adult basket case. she's responsible for every decision made.she should be grateful her now ex husband addressed the root of her sickness and left her nice and early. she still has...what....five years to sucker some poor man into having her broken offspring. she's not cat lady material yet....yet.

Again amazed that so many commenters pick apart the writer's science in a porn site , fiction story. People who accept that all white wives have 44DD chests and lose their minds over black boys with 13 inch cocks. All white men are wimps that willingly give their wives to superior bulls. Commenters get upset if anyone dares to dispute these "facts". But instead they concern themselves with the flash point of alcohol. Great story.

yarn. Of course he deserved it all for taking her back after the Brian date before they were married. It's called paying stupid tax.

...you've discovered the previously unknown "moved baseball method."

I'm surprised that you didn't go the someone messing with my stuff applied to the wife.

Enough with the flash points and ignition temps carping - suspend disbelief - it's a STORY!

You CAN ignite the alcohol VAPOR as it is coming off a spirit being heated to that vaporization point (about 80 Fahrenheit for 80 proof). Unlikely BC’s house was that warm, and the flame would be very unlikely to maintain, especially if being moved (like broken bottles of spirits.)

But it makes a delicious payoff for a homewrecker.. A dish served cold (insofar as Hubby’s presence was concerned.)

PPS. Pity Hubby did not, in counseling, ask if Sweetie was having her Bull use contraception, since the couple had been considering parenthood. The overheard bedroom conversation indicated that Sweetie was NOT on birth control.

Old Hideki

First ... neon is a noble or inert element. It does not explode, support flame (if anything, its presence reduces the percentage of oxygen in the area, thus reducing the likelihood of flame. So much for the Frying Pan, previously debunked.

Second, 80 proof spirits do NOT catch fire. Water is the majority of the other 60 percent. (Just verified that with a half-jigger of Herradura Añejo Tequila and a match.). Neither would 100 proof. Restaurants who flame dishes use 150 proof brandy or rum, or sometimes Everclear, about 90 percent ethanol. So technically, I guess you went to the No Fire.

Despite the I-30 goof (and it certainly goes North, but MORE East, hence ‘even number’, for which your overlook-apology makes sense and is accepted.) I LOVED this tale. Perhaps if you simply had Bull Carl generate sufficient anal friction from Tight Sweetie to combust?

Remaining quibble ... the trophy ball upon Hubby’s official return. Bull Carl was in the hospital. Sweetie had burns on her hands and had to be seriously worried. Would she have a) noticed the ball position, or b) turned it back to honor P.I. She was almost certainly unaware of her future baby-daddy’s purloining Hubby’s prizes. It would put ‘suspicions of strange men in their house’ high on Hubby’s radar. Sweetie and her Bull were expecting Hubby to be the Cuckoo’s Victim through his bastard children’s college expenses, so it was Bull’s stupid arrogance to compromise that.

Fives times a Lone Star.

He deserves the grief he got... He took the ring back for a reason and then caved - he saw her cheating and should have had the resolve to continue walking and not drop to a knee to get slapped again years later. He deserved the grief as he knew better.

if there was any connections with her old boyfriend... she keeps me shielded from her old friends. but after all the years I still keep an eye on her 5

He catches his then fiancee in bar saying ''goodbye'' to ex-boyfriend and does everything right until she catches him at door. Instead of keeping on going and letting her suffer the consequences for a few weeks or months, she says she wants only him and he immediately proposes again...

So her psycho problems aside, he has no one to blame but himself...not to mention she cheated for entirety of 4 year marriage, for a guy who is so acute...at least he goes on and on about the baseball implying no one could get one over on him...ah pride before the fall

If you're driving from Dallas to OKC, you're on I-35, not I-30.

That submissive love slaves don't go out killing to spend the weekend getting fucked by lots of guys. Dumped one lying whore, for a second. Brilliant.

did have big old balls. However, making the new girlfriend submissive sexually is just going to cause him problems down the line. I think that the wife was a submissive to a certain type of man and wouldn't stand a chance of rejecting that type. New girl seemed to be submissive to anyone and had actually planned on gang banging his fraternity brothers at the fishing/reunion. Not a good hook to hang your hat on.

if it wasn't for the fact that he already had another woman who loved him waiting in the wings. I know a lot of divorced men and only one who actually found a replacement wife so quickly. The rest went on for years with out finding someone.

Still love it. Still five stars.

are not usually that magnanimous. TK U MLJ LV NV

W.T.Sherman is often wrongly mis-quoted for that statement.

Was a serious mommy loving yankee asshole. Just saying.

Besides, I spent 3 tours in southeast Asia as a infantryman, that my friend is hell.

Texan by Choice!

"Did you ever have that feeling that something was wrong, but you couldn't figure out what it was?"

He then proceeds to answer his own question when he mentions he lives in a suburb of Dallas, TX. Yep, definately something wrong. EEEHA!

"If I owned both Hell and Texas, I would live in Hell and rent out Texas."- William T. Sherman

if that is the case this could use some more research. TK U MLJ LV NV

A bit of a twist in LW. Also a bit of OCD which clued in the cuckolded hubby. Enjoyed you story. Thanks! Cheers!

Did not know whether to feel sorry for the wife or not - she is clearly a sick person but it may not be her fault. Regardless, this is a very good story with a great ending.

love the twist and turns in this story kept you thinking all the way through it. great story

I guess he never considered Ellen to be his; or he would have caught on sooner. Very clever story though.

The burning Vaseline and alcohol gave new meaning to the term, "Burn the Bitch!"

the only thing was he caught her having dinner with her ex boy.while they were engaged and still took her back. but even that wasnt to bad. it wasnt like he caught them in bed.

never had too much love for one another, TK U MLJ LV NV

That was not bad.

that was pretty bad.

very creative and different from the norm storyline. I almost fell out of my chair to the floor laughing over the "bar/fire" scene

My second time through. Five stars. While not needed, this story had the kind of depth that would make for a quality sequel.

the only humour was the scene with carl and the vaseline.

he was blind to her behaviour for years even though she started out going for a farewell f*^k while engaged.

The ending was a surprise and good. The rest of the story was just so-so.

Of course who could ignore the baseball, fishing lures and baseball cards in this story. It was emotional and hard hitting with a skank wife. The fact that his wife was sexually abused by her father took a proactive revenge out of the equation. Not many people would view punishment to a mentally unstable person. Eventhough there was humour and drama the artistry of human interest was laid out expertly. Definitely prepared thoughtfully with caring hands. Thank you OldHideki.

there is no real passion in your cheating stories.....

After a meaningless drivel about childish mementos as the back story, we come to a blindingly egregious cheating scene with the wife babbling about all the hot buttons. Not erotic in the least (nor to be fair no attempt to be erotic).

How nice to dump a wife, and have immediately a willing woman pops up and marries him. Its like a game of whack a mole.

His offer to take her back was really hollow, and I don't think he or a reader with IQ above 60 believed him. Everybody adhered to stereotype.

Not a great story.

And even if he didn't have "proof" what he had was enough for any man to get rid of the slut. Now if he can just get Ashley to be a little less submissive he might have something that will last long term.

Great writing and story, thanks for this post.

Brilliant !!

Of a 'burning passion.' That bit was funny - but the rest of it had too many little errors to make it really enjoyable.

I gave this story a 4 which for me means that it is a very good tale as I almost never give a 5. the hero took an inordinately time to discover the adultery maybe because he was "blind" with love. I doubt that because someone is in love does not mean they can't see the actions of someone cheating that they are living with, especially over a decade. The reason for his exwife's cheating was explained mostly and then the last bit was left up to the reader's imagination. I don't think the exwife's sexual abuse by her father was all that hard to figure out.

baseball etc etc etc.......and ends with a car. TK U MLJ LV NV

The cheating wife had too many issues for any kind of reconcilliation. I'm glad he found someone else. Now in ch.2 he has to watch her because she was looking to get fucked royally herself. Hmmmm.

HA

but the new girl wanted to fuck all of the guys at the fishing trip so will she just do one of them now? you get a 5 on the switch around.

I still think it was a good one and sadly those bastards who abuse these little girls never realize what kind of prize these girls have to pay for it with their souls.

someday you might say something intelligent

Love your Nom du plumb

The whole story had zing and was a easy read albeit the wife's Jocasta complex was a little shaky but I'm nitpicking. As a lapsed baseball card collector , I probably enjoyed the peripheral memento subplot more then most. Now if you want a larger demographic to pick up on this change Pete I. to say Tony Dorset and watch your comments triple!

He should have thought it through when she went daft the first time they were engaged...

Enjoyed it - Thank You.

I recall I tried to read this story once before and I'm sad to say that the lead in prose turned me off. It went very detailed and didn't get into the story quickly. I'm not sure why I felt this way, because I didn't have a problem the second time.

It was an engaging read. It was reasonably well written. There was one missing word on the last page which jarred me enough to take me out of the story:

"John, I saw you take care of 22 idiots, when you were in a lot of pain. I had hoped you take me up when I offered a revenge fuck, and you didn't. This really pissed me off, but you did get <b>me</b> to stop thinking about that prick of a boyfriend I had." Missing word in bold. Don't know why that threw me off track but it was the only one I could detect.

I enjoyed exactly HOW he found out about the affair. It worked for me. I like clever discovery stories. It beats 'I drove in and...'

Here is a plot hole I thought about AS I was reading. Carl knew and liked this guy enough to let him know where his spare key was but he PUT HIS CRAP ON DISPLAY? For his wife to find? For HIM to find? For a guest who knew them both to find? How many times has that guy told the tedious story of the baseball. Not that I don't disbelieve that Carl could be like that. Just at how stupid that action was.

I originally thought that the baseball story was misplaced and filler but I've since changed my mind. It still seemed a bit misplaced but you needed to establish how well he knew things were precious to him. (that he never found his wife 'scuffed up' is a bit of a stretch, but...she has make up)

If she knew that about vaseline, she should have also known that vaseline isn't suggested for sex. But I'll forgive that. I don't know if KY is flammable and that would ding the story you wanted to write.

Overall, I enjoyed it very much.

Because I30 does not not north. I30 is east/west from Dallas to Little Rock. I35 go north passing through Dallas and Ok City. I don't downgrade stories over a few grammar and spelling errors because all but the very brightest make spelling and grammar errors. However, even a 10 year old can look a map.

this aint a bad story at all. plot is good and the story was written fairly well. not to mention it wasnt over run with lame sex scenes. that dont even make sense when you really think about it. like one story i read a while back said they was fucking doggie style then all of a sudden he is sucking her tits. that mother fucker has one long damn tongue. hell tongue like that would make gene simmons look like normal. lol. (for those that dont know the guys tongue is longer than an average flesh rocket) lol

Don't be so harsh people. This is certainly a delightful story and I enjoyed reading it a lot. It's far above the average junk Literotica is full of!

How else could you produce crap like this ??

Still think you let Carl off too easy. A man that would steal a man's fishing lures should have his balls cut off.

your to kind to write these types of stories, the woman fuck around on him from before they were married and you were willing to take her back if she told you the truth,but in the story you were as dumb as any person could be so how would you ever know if she was telling the truth.

Pour gasoline on your dick. Break the neon tube.

Light the match.

Lord. Some fucking idiots question everything on this site. If the writer wants the fucking neon to burn, it can fucking BURN!

I do realise that most of the special effects in the movies are contrived. As far as the neon light setting Carl's hands on fire, it was indirect. The bottles of alcohol broke and perhaps five or six liters of 80+ proof alcohol washed over the neon lights. I did not test this out, so you may be correct.

This would my suggestion for the test.

1) Place a neon light flat inside a drawer. (simulates the bottom of the cabinet)

2) Take four bottles of 80+ proof alcohol and pour the contents onto the neon light.

3) Take two more bottle of 80+ proof alcohol and empty at least half of their contents onto the neon light.

4) Thrown the half empty bottles at the lights, and see if a spark sets the alcohol catches fire.

5) If you want to test the whole senario, smear petroleum based products over your body first. Be sloppy, and also get some alcohol on you too.

Once again, I did not test this, and I believe there is a possibility that the alcohol might catch on fire. I also recommend that no one actually perform the test, because it would be very dangerous, and could be lethal.

The part about the neon tubing being broken and

setting his hands and penis on fire is nothing but

fantasy. I've been working with neon for fifty years,

and for the last twenty years I have owned a

wholesale neon shop. Trust me, there is a lot more

chance of stepping on some broken glass and

injuring your feet than setting your hands on fire.

Those movies you have seen where someone hits a

baseball into a neon sign and sparks cascade from

the sign is pure bullshit dreamed up by the special

effects guys.

If you were stupid enough to not turn the power off

and managed to get your hands in the broken glass

and fished around and managed to grab one of the

secondary leads from the power supply and you were

grounded it would be possible to get a good jolt of

electricity. The stupidity factor would have to be

pretty high.

I really enjoyed it. There were quite a few spelling /typing errors that a read through would fix. Usually on the smaller words, like, "you" instead of "your", "if" and "of", "as" instead of "to". Just little stuff like you were typing too fast. Other than that I thought the story was very well written. Thank you

But I'm neutral about it , I didnt love it or hate it . Keep on writing .

Your strength is in writing 'revenge' kind of story, but please try not to 'force' some kind of romantic ending for the lead male as your romance has no build up. It doesn't come off as being romantic at all. In fact it puts me off and I am a guy.

IMO, like a good revenge story which needs some good build up, a good romance also needs some good build up and until you can do both in a seamless way try not to do both in the same story.

The build up was great -- acquiring the baseball, knowing the baseball, sneaking back. The disappointment came with the counselling. I think you got lazy and didn't provide any insight into the wife. Still gave it 5 stars.

Thank you for the time and effort to create such a good, well written story. I love it when the good guy wins.

I agree with AW, you made my short list very quickly. I enjoy your stories

You have written an interesting Novel length story(The Contract) And you have now written this story. You do write well and your stories always get us the readers talking, which is a good thing. Anyway I personally liked this story even with it's flaws, although I have no idea what an I-35 is? In the UK we call our three lane or four lane roads Motorways and then attach a number to it. (E.g M40) Anyway as I said to you in a private email. Carry on writing you are doing a good job.

Loved it. Now this is directed to all, I know there are going to be negative comments. But to those of you who put down the Author of a story, with really bad negative comments, why don't you try writing a story and posting it on Literotica, remember these stories are fantasy, and are for your reading enjoyment. I know that Comments good or bad help the Author, but I have read some really bad negative comments that were aimed at the Author. Why I have no idea, because I enjoyed reading the story keeping in mind that its fantasy.

During Carls "weenie roast" his hands and also Ellens hands caught on fire due to having petrolum jelly on them-should Ellen also have had a bad case of "burning butthole" when her bum was exposed to the flames?-LOL!

Nice story, thanks for the fine read

OH,

intense tale. One home run on one hit and no errors

thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

PS The Contract. Soon Please

Another winner today!

Well written and a smooth flowing story. The whole concept of the story was interesting.

I glad the author didn't make him a wimp and his cheating wife and her lover got what they deserved.

A good read, thanks

....out of Texas. Of course the idea he would be so naive is a stretch but the details were fun. It's a poor fisherman that blames his lures.

AS an avid collector of several things, I understand how this could happen. I know where all of my pieces are, and woe to whomever touches one without permission.

That said, I loved the accidental revenge. Carl must also suspect that John was wise to him when the items disappeared, but he had no way to prove it without admitting the original theft.

The only problem that I had was why John would take her back after the return of the engagement ring. The trust was broken, in my mind, and it would be long and hard to redeem it. Good story. Paul