Menopause, a Chronicle

"Sometimes life sucks." Alison said, softly.

I asked, "Where do we start?"

She snapped into the present and said, "We measure." For the next half an hour we measured windows and floor space. My decorator decided I needed a couple of throw rugs so we measured the floor space. We talked and laughed as we worked. When we went into the man cave room she asked, "Is this how you want this room?"

We talked and she made some good suggestions. We were ready. We went in my truck and arrived at BB&B because Alison got a discount. She asked lots of questions and I made up answers. I made sure we got bedside lamps, a hamper and all the curtain stuff, two rugs for the bedroom and a long rug for the bathroom. At the check out she carried on a banter with the checker that included the checker asking Alison, "Is this your guy?"

There was a pause and Alison said, "Not yet."

We stopped and had lunch on the way home. As we walked out of the hole in the wall restaurant I put my hand on her back, just as I'd done to Amanda for thirty years, only this wasn't Amanda. I reminded myself that Amanda didn't want my hand anymore.

We spent the afternoon putting the two rooms together. I carried Alison's sewing machine into the dining room and she made curtains. Amanda came out of her room and walked out the back door without saying anything to either of us. As soon as she was gone I turned on the stereo and added music to our afternoon.

It was almost six when we were done and the clean up was done as well. I said, "I know in most employer employee relationships the boss pays and the employee goes home. What I'd rather do is pay you, then take you to dinner."

"What about Amanda?"

At that moment we heard her car. We waited until she came inside and I asked, "Amanda, do you have plans for dinner?"

"No. I ate while I was out." She said it with energy behind it, energy that challenged me to join in a fight. Then she added another round, "Why? Did you want me to cook for your date?"

"I didn't know people on a date spent the day working together. I'll try to remember. I didn't expect you to cook for us. I was about to ask you to go to dinner with us."

"Why would I want to go to dinner with your new woman?"

"Because she might take some of the pressure off you living with a sex fiend. Because we were friends with Alison and Mike for many years. Because she was nice enough to help me today and free you up to do whatever you wanted to do, without me."

Alison said, "I think I should go."

Amanda said, "No. Nick's right. I'm being bitchy. He's changing everything. I didn't expect his reaction to be what it was. I didn't think anything needed to change. He thinks it did. If I don't like the new way things are, I can only blame myself. You two go to dinner, enjoy the evening together and if you're still here in the morning I'll make you breakfast." She moved past us and we heard her bedroom door close.

Seconds passed without either of us moving. Then we heard the shower in her bathroom come on and we moved. Out the back door and to my truck. As I turned out of the driveway Alison said, "Am I staying?" I looked over at her. Her eyes were filling with tears, but I couldn't tell if they were happy tears or sad. I said, "I love Amanda. I love her and I won't live like she wants me to live. I had the hots for you when the four of us were going to school functions, soccer games and the zoo. I still do. I don't want to mislead you."

"She loves you. She believed you'd tolerate the end of your sex life. She believed it because it's so easy for her to give it up."

"Loving me isn't enough."

"So, let me be clear. My panties were soaked when you left the store the other day. When we used to watch Scott, Kenny and Brian playing soccer I'd sit by you and be soaked by the time I took Mike home and screwed his brains out. I envied Amanda. Things have changed for both of us. I cleaned out all the cobwebs from inside me last night after you called. If you're serious about me staying, I'm staying. I want to spend the night in your new bed. I didn't bring a nightgown. I'm willing to sleep on the wet spot but I don't promise to sleep at all."

I parked in front of a 50's diner and we had a quick dinner. At one point I turned to get the waitress' attention. When I turned back two buttons of Alison's blouse were unbuttoned. I paid the bill and we were out of there and headed home.

"What time do you go to work tomorrow?" I asked.

"I need to be there by one. You?"

"One. It's Monday. I won't get off until nine tomorrow night but that's Ok, I'll miss all the traffic both ways."

"I need a shower." She said as I parked my truck in the driveway.

"Me too. We can share." We got out of the truck and at the back door she turned and we kissed for the first time. I thought there was a real fire danger from that kiss. I couldn't remember a kiss from Amanda that said so much about her wanting more affection, more me from me. I was pretty sure there had been kisses like that in our past, but not in the recent past. I opened the door eventually and we did walk calmly into my bedroom. I sat on the bed, as I had for years, and took off my shoes. Alison watched as she slowly unbuttoned her blouse.

I hurried and when I was down to tented boxers I helped her. My cock stuck out the opening of my boxers as her falling bra uncovered her breasts. "They're very sensitive. I love to have them squeezed and sucked."

"What a coincidence. I'd love to suck, squeeze and hold them for a long time." I knelt and took my time exploring and noting her responses to the various touches, kisses and sucks I gave her. When my hands hooked the waistband of her pale blue panties she whispered, "Do you want me hairy or shaved?"

"However you are is perfect. I pulled her panties down and she was freshly shaved, except for a patch just above her slit. Her patch was trimmed short, dark brown and barely curly. The aroma of turned on woman was evident.

I stood up and said, "Let's shower."

We took our time. Kissing with our entire fronts pressed together while the water heated up and then again when the stream was hitting us. We soaped each other and explored each other. I shaved and she shaved. When we got out we dried quickly and she brought the towel to bed with us. She whispered, "Sometimes I used to squirt."

I folded the towel and she put herself on it. My kisses resumed at her face and worked down towards her pussy. She asked, "Are you going down there?"

"I love eating dessert. May I?"

"I'm sixty years old and you'll be the first man there."

I dove in. Gently at first, barely touching her lips with the tip of my tongue. She said, "Oh my. I want more."

She got more. I used every technique I knew and she grabbed my head with her thighs and her hands. When she put my brand new pillow over her face and flooded my face I assumed she had cum for the first time. I wondered, for a second, why she was explicit about me being the first man who had visited at the "Y". I kept my face to her wetness and when she relaxed her thighs a little I licked her again. Her back arched and she lifted the pillow off her face and said, "Be inside me, please." It was a whisper.

I watched as my cock went inside another woman for the first time in thirty-four years. My brain spun inside my head knowing that Amanda had given permission for this. It wasn't cheating and Alison wanted it as much as I did. She was tight, wet and so hot I was surprised I didn't see steam rising.

As soon as I hit bottom she lifted her head and whispered in my ear, "Pound me so hard I walk funny tomorrow. Please!"

My arms hooked her legs and I slammed into her hard and fast. I felt my own bruises forming and they felt good. When I felt my juices building pressure I said, "Ready?" She held my face to hers and we kissed as my hips thrust me into her. When I felt the first load leave me I stopped moving and kissed her with tongue. She wrapped her arms around me and thrust her hips against mine. She shuddered more than once.

We continued to kiss and stay connected for quite a while. I softened and when I slid all the way out of her she asked, "Can we do that again?"

"I'm not nineteen anymore."

"I'm telling you I don't want this to be a one-time thing. I want to be your lover."

"I thought you already were." I kissed her again. I said, "Don't move." I got up and got a towel and a washcloth. I wet the washcloth and used both to clean her. She used her mouth to clean me. When we spooned with me behind her holding her breast in my hand I was asleep in seconds.

When we got up an omelet breakfast was waiting for us. Amanda was gone. She needed to be at work by ten. She worked in the hospital gift shop. We ate breakfast and talked. Alison wanted to know when I wanted her back. I asked about her work schedule. We decided that three nights a week would be wonderful. Sunday night, Wednesday night and Friday night. I didn't need to make room in my closet. Amanda left lots of room.

"Do I come here at bed time or...?" Alison asked. I thought and said, "Just a minute." My cell was on the nightstand by the bed. I called the hospital gift shop. Amanda answered.

I asked, "How are you?"

"Do you care?" She was at the edge of tears.

"Of course I care. I've cared every day for thirty-four years. Did I leave? Throw you to the curb? Serve you with divorce papers? No. Did I leave the door open last night? Did we scream and yell? No. I care."

"I don't want her in our home again."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry for the way you feel about a lot of things. My being sorry doesn't change things. You hung the closed forever sign on the woman I have loved for half my life. I didn't do that. I'm coping with the cards you dealt."

"It sounds like you're doing well."

"Thank you. I actually hope you're happy with the choices you've made as well. I called to find out how you're doing and I wanted to ask you about Alison staying over three nights a week."

"I hate the idea that you'll be holding her in my bed! I cried for hours last night. Now you want three nights a week?"

"No. What I want is to let you know she'll be there, in bed, on Sunday, Wednesday and Friday nights. For at least the next two weeks she'll arrive in time for bed. Then, we'll see. We'll spend most of our time either in the man cave or my bedroom. I ask that you stay out of both rooms. I'll do my own laundry and cleaning for those rooms. I see no reason to ask you to wash my clothes anymore."

I heard a sob. I said, "I need to go. I'll be home before ten tonight. I'll eat something before I come home. I love you." I didn't wait for a response. I hung up.

Back in the kitchen I said, "On Wednesday, it would be best if you arrived after nine."

"I listened. Amanda doesn't know what she's doing. You love her. You are doing everything you can to be gentle with her. The thing is, I have an agenda too. After I saw you at work I thought I should stay away from you until whatever happens happens. If you stay together there isn't a place for me in your life. If you get divorced I want to be first in line to be your woman. Then, you called. Yesterday was the best day and night of my life since Mike died. I have no idea how to be the other woman and it is who I am! I have an idea. I want you to think about it, consider it and then on Wednesday when you're inside me tell me your answer. We agreed to sleep here Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Pick another night and sleep here alone. The other three nights you sleep in my bed, in my house, with me."

"Is it me making stuff up about what I'm hearing or are you actually telling me you want me, like really?"

"If you were available for 24/7 I wouldn't care which house went up for sale. Marriage or shack up, I'm in. I never want to spend a week without you in my bed. I'd prefer you were with me every night, but let's think about six nights naked with me and one night apart. Don't answer now! Think about it and tell me Wednesday night."

We kissed and got ready for her to go home and me to go to work. When we walked out the back door Mrs. Clarke was on her back porch and saw us. I waved and said "Good Morning." She waved and had a strange look on her face. I hoped she didn't call Amanda at the hospital. At her car I kissed Alison a more chaste kiss good-bye and watched her drive away.

As I drove I thought about Mrs. Clarke, our other neighbors, the people we knew at church, the hospital, the restaurants we frequented and our kids.

I called Scott. He answered, "You Ok, Dad?"

"I think so. How are things at your house?"

"Pretty good, I think. My wife talked with Mom this morning. Beth thinks you had something going with Alison before Mom's birthday."

"What do you think?"

"Alison's been around our lives forever. We grew up in their house almost as much as they grew up in ours. I never got the idea there was anything between you, especially after Mike died. You were super supportive. You helped fix stuff for her pretty often and you always took at least one of us with you."

"Son, do you guys have plans for Sunday afternoon? Next Sunday afternoon."

"No."

"Come for dinner. I'll bar-be-que and we'll talk. I'll invite everyone and we can get the truth spoken. I've always hated when people get part of a story and make up the rest."

"Ok. We'll come."

I called Shelly and Kelly and their machines answered. My message was an invitation: Come for bar-be-que on Sunday. Be prepared to have all your questions answered. Thanks for getting your stuff out of the garage."

I sent all three kids email invitations and I sent it to Alison. My note with the invitation to Alison said I thought she should invite her crew, too. Speak the truth with everyone and there won't be any misunderstandings. I deleted that line and retyped, "We'll speak the truth and that should, hopefully, eliminate some of the misunderstandings." My finger paused over the send button and I called Alison. We talked and she said, "Hit send. When I get home I'll send it to my kids. Thanks for checking with me."

I called Amanda at the hospital. She answered. I told her what was up and she asked, "You're going to talk with our kids about having sex with Alison?" I said I believed that attempting to hide the truth made it look like I was doing something wrong, like Alison broke up our happy home or something.

Amanda asked, "You're going to talk with our kids about having sex with Alison?"

"Yes, and her kids are invited too. I'll bar-be-que meats and veggies. Would you be willing to make a big salad?"

"This is not a damned party!"

"No, you're right. We shouldn't eat. We shouldn't drink anything either. Maybe we should all stand in direct sunlight and be as uncomfortable as possible. Amanda, if you're not willing to make a salad it's no big deal. Maybe Kelly, Shelly or Alison would be willing. Worst comes to worst I'll make the salad. It may be more a wake than a party but even at a wake they have food."

"Have a nice time. I won't be there."

"Great. I get to tell your side of the story! That should be interesting." I hung up. I hit send.

When I got home there was a note on the table. "I'll make the salad and I'll be home for your "party."" My cell rang as I took off my shoes. It was Alison. "I have the best two kids on the planet!"

I smiled. Some good news was welcome. "Both of them are happy for us. They both loved both of you all their lives and have thought of your kids as like a brother and two sisters. They are concerned about Amanda, of course. They agreed to come and they want to know what they can bring."

Half an hour later we ended the call. I ended it by saying, "Alison, I love you." She said, "I love you, too."

I pulled off my shirt and then my pants. I emptied the pockets to the top of the dresser and heard a knock on my door. I opened the door. Amanda was standing in the hall dressed in flannel and showing tear tracks on her face.

"I don't like sleeping alone." She said.

"Rule number four."

"Rule number four?"

"Yes. Call our kids and ask them what rule number four is. They can recite it for you. Never complain to anyone who doesn't have the power to change things. Only complain when you have a proposed way to solve the problem."

"You could invite me into bed with you. That would solve the problem."

"No, it would make it worse. This problem you have with sleeping alone is your problem. If you can find a man willing to share your bed without a prayer of having sex with you, do it! The morning after he's inside you, get the hell out of this house!"

"That isn't fair! You've already had sex with Alison in this house!"

"You gave permission. You volunteered to make breakfast for us. I hadn't given a thought to the idea of asking her to stay until you said you'd make breakfast. Your communication has been clear ever since your birthday. So has mine."

I stood still looking at her in flannel and me in boxer shorts. After a full minute I asked, "Is there anything else?" She turned and went down the hall to her bedroom. The next day I stopped by BB&B and bought an electric blanket. I left it on the floor just outside her bedroom door.

She knocked on the door to my bedroom holding the box in her hands. I opened and she said, "What's the message here?"

"You didn't come to my door last night for sex. I assumed you were cold and I understand cold. I love you and want your life to work for you. I bought you an electric blanket so you can stay warm. If you have trouble getting it to work, I'd be happy to set it up for you."

"Oh. Thanks." She turned and went back to her room.

On Wednesday I stopped at Costco and got a small fridge and two cases of diet Coke and some bottles of water. Just before I got in the checkout I called Alison. She answered and I asked, "When we're hanging out at home in the evenings, what would you like on hand as your beverage of choice?"

"We're staying in, watching a little TV, reading or playing Scrabble then going to bed?"

"Yeah, just about perfect."

"Then don't worry about it. I'd like a glass or two of wine. I'll bring a couple bottles with me tonight and a bottle opener."

"Nine tonight, Ok?"

"If I knock at nine-o-one I'm late. Shall I come to the front or the back door?

"Back. I'll meet you. Are you bringing clothes and women's stuff for the bathroom?"

"Yes! It's kind of exciting. Oops! I've got to go. I love you."

I checked out and went home. The fridge fit nicely in the cave and I stocked it with beverages and got a bedside cabinet from the garage and used it to hold snacks. I needed another trashcan.

I smiled as I thought about making another trip to BB&B.

Amanda came home and made a meatloaf dinner for us. It was good and I said so. We did the dishes together. She asked, "Is Alison coming over tonight?" I nodded.

"What time?"

"Nine or a few minutes after."

"I'd like to watch a show at nine on channel seven."

"The TV is yours. Not just tonight but always. I have a TV in the cave. If there is something we want to watch we can watch in there and leave you to watch anything you want, without me."

"Do you have to keep adding that?"

"Adding what?"

"Without me."

"I add it so you and I remember that was the sentiment you used to end what we once had. "I want to go to Mexico, just not with you."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"By the way, who's going with you to Mexico? The cruise is in three weeks."

"I'm not going! I wouldn't have any fun!"

"Then can I buy the tickets from you?"

"So you and Alison can go?" I heard her voice change. That was a signal that a mood shift was happening.

"You have a problem with that?"

"It's bad enough she's spending the night. I'd rather tear up the tickets than have you take her!" She said "her" almost as a word one would spit as an insult.