All Comments on 'MetaMorph Ch. 01'

I'm willing to try another chapter.

By the way, it's "who's your boss?" contraction of "who is" not "whose" which is the possessive pronoun.

I enjoyed Part 1 and am looking forward to reading the rest.

Thank you

.

You sure know how to get everyone worked up then having us wait for the next chapter. Good job.

he knew he was fat he could have fixed it.

She is a slut and was never in love with him, she wants to dominate him.

when he breaks he should kill them all.

Short choppy stories i dont care for at all!

However, I have pit in my stomach... A sad slow burn, spinning out of control...

Looking forward to the next chapter.

This is on the way to becoming one of those sad tales of two people honestly in love but unable, for multiple reasons, to do what it takes to keep that love fresh and alive. Been there, done that (no t-shirt though). I look forward to where you will take these characters. Obviously there is some serious pain on he way. What I will be watching for is where you take them from there. I can infere from the tags what might be in the next chapter(s) but you write well enough to await the next installment. One suggestion I'd make is to not get too bogged down in the intricate details of a particular vocation. I think, for me anyway, you've shown plenty of expertise in creating film/tv, either through research or experience, without having to go overboard with finite details. Took away from the flow of the story when describing June's duties.

This is well-written and interesting. I was intrigued by the opening sequence, and wonder what the hell is going on with that. The dynamics of the beginning of the relationship was interesting; I got the sense that June knew what she was looking for and very certainly fell in love with Dan. I also have seen the stress that can be put on a marriage when disparity in success (especially when "she" becomes more successful than "he"), depression, and suspicion kick in. Often the cause of marital strife, infidelity and break-up. I found it strange that June initially didn't want LA to be "forever," and that they were married for nine years when the crisis (whatever it is, and I suspect it may be a misunderstanding), develops. During all this time of Dan having zero success, and sinking into a greater and deeper depression, it never occurred to them to make a change? Seems like a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG time for him to be wallowing in a comic-book store, hopelessly cranking out scripts. I am left feeling badly for him, but also wanting to slap him, get him on meds, and telling him to move on with his life: the writing thing ain't working out.

This story is reminiscent of "Separate Vacations" by DQS1, at least in the sense of the stress on the relationship being differences in career success (wife is a no-nonsense business girls, hubby an unsuccessful writer working a low-level "real job" for a decade or so) and the emotional toll of that.

I look forward to reading more.

It starts of with the desaster. then you go back where it all began and by the end of this chapter we are nowhere close to the present and have no clue at all. so why should anybody read ch.2 ?

why this is a problem ? well if anything would be ok, we would have a) at least by the end of this chapter have an idea when his wife started to drift away. so far we know it was difficult before and after the dead of his parents. But I guess it was even so while dating for her. so why would a communicative wife not say anything ( I thought that was his character trait to avoid disputes).

b) we would at least have a hint who was behind the fall (and I mean not just sex). somebody must have made an impression on her and so far it did not look like it.

c) we would also at least have an idea who could be interested in that conflict besides the unknown loverboy (men in black and their boss).

I don't like stories with chapters of 14 or more pages either, 5 is somewhere the max a day I like. But this way I will not know by the end of the year (we are somewhere in the 3 year of 9 marriagewise) who got in her pants and why exactly. just another couple not talking a damn when at home ?

make the next chapter at least so that it advances a bit and tell us a bit more about her character. so far the character is based on hair color, beautiful face, nice tits, hot body. there is no thing like a intelligent (so you say) bimbo.

also did she not change a bit so far. even I can see my face change over the years, so he got from fat to fatter but what about her ? did she change her behaviour towards him or what ?

you see I read 3 pages and it's like I did not. hope you can see my point and I hope you don't make it a too ugly, unbelievable, exaggerated story.

thanks.

The logical prediction would be that June finally gets tired of Dan's depressing behavior and finds fun elsewhere. Unless Dan sucks it up and changes, no one could blame her. My sense is you'll be taking this in a new direction. Given the category, infidelity seems likely, but could it be Dan feeling neglected and sorry for himself instead of June? I hope you move off the morose tone and breath some life into it.

I do wish you would do better proof reading, though. There were several little things that momentarily broke the flow of the story for me. Like riding down a smooth, newly paved highway and suddenly hitting a big pot hole. It didn't keep me from getting to the end of the trip / story, but it did detract from my enjoyment of the experience.

In the first paragraph for example, "Everyone had ended last week" just didn't feel exactly right to me - I thought "Everything had ended last week" made more sense.

Farther down the page "Whose your employer?" should have been "Who's your employer?"

Another place or two there were little things like "if" where the word should have been "is".

Aside from those nit picks, it looks like a very interesting tale is unfolding here and I look forward to the rest of it.

I'll check the comments to see if this goes somewhere besides down the toilet.

I for one enjoy your work that you recently finished. I like how you have framed this story out with the first chapter. I look forward to seeing how you work your magic with the rest of the chapters. Thanks again for writing and sharing.

This is really good. A very engaging storyline. It should be rated much higher. I can only guess that the bottom dropping out is his wife cheating on him, and that the metamorphosis will be his getting into shape. I think I am going to love where this goes.

Five stars from me. You did an excellent job of building up their love and commitment to one another. It is going to hurt when she cheats. But I'm going to love it!

This Author prefers the children hater women in his stories, like his character........

My way of saying that 15% women who do not like children are low IQ fembots (woman sex robots), because high IQ fembots would like to be stepmoms.............

A read a lot of fembot stories...............

BTW I began this story and the begining interesting.........

This Author prefers the children hater women in his stories, like his character........

My way of saying that 15% women who do not like children are low IQ fembots (woman sex robots), because high IQ fembots would like to be stepmoms.............

A read a lot of fembot stories...............

BTW I began this story and the begining interesting.........

Umm... not sure why you say that?

The characters I use aren't really child haters. It's just that children sometimes get in the way of the stories I am telling, which is usually between two people.

Jezzaz, I know Of only one other story by you on this site.

I enjoyed it . The one with the mal-practicing Dr. Jessica Engram. Hired to treat a person without his( in the story ) knowledge.

If you have other stories posted ,please, tell where . Thanks.

This is different, but am looking forward to the rest of the ride.

A Merry Man

J, can I call you J? Word to the wise. There are several commentators to this site you never want to respond too. They'll just drive your crazy with their gibberish.

When you walk too close to the monkey cage, they are going to throw their shit at you. Observe how the other authors ignore the little piddler apes and how savagely the other commentators flame them.

You are too good a writer to waste a moment of your precious time for creativity bothering with the trolls. You are just too damn nice a gentleman.

Leave them to assholes such as myself. I take great pleasure in eviscerating the Jukes and Kallikaks and Bushs of this site. Do not come between me and my hapless prey.

Donkey Shines, Minor Herring - fanfare -

This story doesn't blind one with literary flash and awesome wordsmithing. However the author has methodically put in place a setup complete with detailed exposition and closed with hooky teaser. If this story was a prospective house, the foundation has been placed very well and will pass inspection no problem.

nuff said ..

xxxhugsxxx

Stumbled on this and after reading this first chapter I realized that I've read it before. IT's a pretty interesting tale. Kind of funny the way it ultimately uses many standard cheating story tropes but arranges them well enough to break the standard cheating wife kabuki that most get hopelessly locked into.

The only thing that bothered me was this 'gotta do it on my own' idea for our hero. The entertainment industry runs on networking (most industries do at one level or another, I don't think I've gotten a job cold since I was about 22... and I think I was hired to that one as a novelty for cold calling instead of being referred) and anyone that spends time even nibbling on the edges knows that. If our boy had someone with enough heat to get his treatments and outlines in front of people who control production he would have been on that in a hot second. I get that the story wouldn't work that way, but story being bent to serve plot is always pretty obvious.

this series more than once. Glad I decided to start it and will now likely read it until the end. I believe starting with knowing June cheated and Dan had numerous "problems" was the way to go. Only nit I can recall to pick = When the big guys dragged Dan out of his car, did they just leave it sitting in the street? Looking forward to finding out why he is on this ride and who "the boss" is.

Thanks for sharing.

Still five stars. Still love it. Still a favorite. One of my all time favorites. The storyline resonates with so many of the feelings that make a top notch loving wives tale. Feeling of inadequacy, ultimate betrayal, etc. in this chapter, you really build the case for how much she really does love him despite his size.

In his "early life" reflections at the start, his mom, Grace, must have had an ectopic pregnancy not an endoscopic one. The latter may have been the procedure to tackle the former!

Ectopic Pregnancy not endoscopic

Ectopic pregnancy, NOT endoscopic pregnancy. Doofus!

Dan was an idiot. Didn't he trust June enough that she would find the right time/place/person to make a pitch for him?

He was fat and depressed. Still no reason for her to cheat. Just divorce amicably...

good writing but sad watching him go downhill but it happens a lot, depressed and fat, still no justification for cheating.

If you want to screw around, don't get married. If don't like being married just walk away.

My second reading, had to work hard to find this story again. There are few few who are really dedicated to a marriage, men or women. Some of us don't pay enough attention to what it takes to keep a marriage going.

I still don't after a 13 year failed marriage, she wanted to look around for something better. What she wanted was more important then the family, a husband and two young girls. I thought I was selfish. I thought oh well and let her go and I was in more pain than I ever thought possible. But there are good women out there and I found one with four kids and it lasted for 40 years. Amazing! I just dedicated my self to her and that was it, whatever she wanted she got. There can't be any cheating or lies, trust and love, period.

We all need to look in the mirror of truth at some point in our lives, some do and turn it around. Others have to have the mirror broken over their heads to turn it around, you would be surprised at how many fail the wakeup call, then blame everyone, anyone and someone but never themselves.

On a happier note; I do enjoy this writing style not everyone's cuppa but he is a pom!

Ok beginning to a series but, there are so many editing errors it's difficult to read.

Very well written and highly erotic. A very good story which people can relate to

For many of us all it takes is for a series of end to end crisis and lack of means to salvage the situation. Self worth declines, then dies and all the person has to look forward to is endless loss and despair at which point, death appears the only option open.

This had been brilliantly done!