by carl_a
Well written with great creativity...but be careful with your personal and possessive pronouns (ie. he/she/him/her...), misuse is the quickest way to lose the reader before they're really into the plot.
Hope it helps...took me forever to learn how proofread for clarity, might help to find a nuetral proofreader (to read with clean eyes).
Keep writing, I look forward to the next installment.
hello
this was a pretty good story. reading both parts really helped. nice twist at the end, with the husband...I hope the story doesn't end there...(wink)
good job
thx