Mid-life Crisis Ch. 03

"Yes, I'm sure."

"You want to see me naked?" He asked pushing the flasher indicator in me quite a bit. He was so gorgeous though

"Yes Jason, yes I do," I replied my blouse falling to the floor so that I sat there also in just a pair of shorts.

He'd previously asked what I was wearing, so it wasn't too much of a surprise when he asked if I was still wearing the blouse.

"No, I'm not."

"So your breasts are bare are they?" he asked standing up from the bar stool and moving away from the cam so I got a pretty much full length view of him.

Although I guessed he wouldn't be able to read my reply I told him they were.

He was clearly experienced and, I thought, skilful at this for slowly, so very, very slowly he eased his shorts down his legs until the fell around his feet. He was already fully and wonderfully erect. And like the rest of him, his cock was glorious!

I'm not much of a one to admire cheesecake. I don't usually look at hunks and gasp. Men's bodies, until I'm up against, them, don't often do that much to me; they rarely turn me on just by sight; make me want the man or make me want to be fucked by him. Jason changed all that. As he walked back and sat on the stool so that he could type and I could see him from mid-thigh to the top of his golden blonde head my sexual insides simply exploded and that's when I typed.

"You are one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen,"

It was wonderful watching him masturbate. He did it with confidence and the assurance that he knew that he looked good. His eyes seemed to bore into mine via the cam as he got me to remove my shorts and panties. He asked me what I was doing and I could see an increase in the pace and vigour with which he was masturbating when I told him.

"I'm pinching my nipples, I'm pulling them hard. I'm squeezing my breasts together," I typed with some difficulty.

"Would you like this between them?" he asked pointing his cock right at the camera.

"Yes, yes I would, would you like to fuck my breasts?"

He wanked even harder, but managed to type, "What are you doing now"?

Loving every minute of what I was seeing as this young man masturbated so freely in front of me I told him.

"I'm pressing my clit Jason, rubbing all round, but not on it."

"My fingers are running round my lips, in them along them, all round my pussy."

Still pumping his erection he leaned forward and typed.

"I asked what are you looking for? What do you want?"

With my left hand rubbing my clit I typed with the fingers on my right hand. "I want to cum Jason, I want you to make me cum."

"I'm near Amanda, cum with me, put your fingers in. Let's cum together."

"Yes Jason, yes," I typed straightening my three middle fingers and holding my thumb on my little one.

"I've got three fingers ready, three straight fingers Jason, they're near my pussy, they're ready Jason, ready for me , ready for you, they are you Jason, my fingers are your cock and they want me. Jason I've just shoved three fingers right up my cunt and I'm fucking myself. Cum with me, please, please cum with me."

The sight of stream after stream of the whitish, gooey fluid spurting from his cock and splattering, firstly, on his chest and then, as the pressure subsided, onto his stomach was all I needed. Squirming more firmly on my extended fingers I writhed the sensitivity of my vaginal innards against the surrogate cock until I joined Jason in a shudderingly satisfying mutual orgasm.

I knew it was getting a little out of hand. But, I reconciled, being a cyber groupie was surely better than being someone's mistress, a company bike or an older woman putting out to young guys, something that I was beginning to realise appealed to me rather more than ideally it should.

And in the end result, was it all that wrong? The mails and the cams were only really 'wankaids.' That's all, just like a vibrator really, they helped you cum more easily and satisfyingly.

What worried me, I suppose, was where it might lead. Was what I was doing the marijuana of the virtual world? Would it lead me to the big H, perhaps allowing myself to be persuaded to meet? Did one thing lead to the other, did the addiction increase until you had to have more for your habit got bigger and harder to satisfy as time moved on? That was the worry, but I reconciled that by thinking I had known when to stop with Craig and Patrick, I hadn't gone astray again in those ways again and this was different to those adventures, this was just me and my PC.

Could I do it? Should I? I pondered.

I'd sometimes masturbated as I spoke to Kevin on the phone when he was away on one of his frequent business trips and twice I'd done that with Patrick during our affair. But to do it with a stranger, a cyberpal, someone I'd met on messenger, wow that was a whole new ball game wasn't it?

Several men, well lots really, had asked. I'd always said no for my intent was to keep my distance from them. My web activities were kept in a sealed compartment of my life, to which there was only one key-holder, me. No one else knew I even went into messenger let alone what I did there and I had no intention of opening it up other than when I wanted to. Equally, I wasn't prepared to go any further than I had so far. I was determined never to meet. Not just because of the dangers involved, but also because it made me feel cheap; as though I was using the net to pick up men. Odd wasn't it that I'd masturbate with them and could morally and emotionally handle that, yet the idea of meeting made me feel cheap? Also I didn't want the hassle. All the lies and cheating, excuses and duplicity that go with the territory of an affair, for that was almost certainly what it would be for nearly all the men I met were married, although exciting and essential parts of the buzz are draining and get to you after a while. In my way I was now being faithful to myself and my family. Why risk fucking all that up simply to meet and presumably have sex with a stranger from the net?

But then I'd always thought I wouldn't talk that much about sex; that I wouldn't tell men what I was wearing; wouldn't undress, bare myself or caress my body; wouldn't look at men on cam as they masturbated and certainly wouldn't say "You are one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen," as I gazed lustfully I suppose at a young man's naked and very rampant body.

In the end I'd always given in, reconciling it as 'in for a penny...................!!

"Hi," I said quietly into the pay as you go mobile I had bought during my Patrick days.

"Hello Mandy, how are you?" I heard, feeling relieved that it was clearly a female voice.

Several times men had pretended to be women and had come onto me quite strongly. That was why I was relatively easily persuaded by Lin to chat on the phone. That and the fact she was thousands of miles away and I was resurrecting, no had resurrected, my bi curiousity as I got deeper and deeper into my writing and to the net. No matter how intimate we'd chatted on the screen there was still that lingering doubt that she could be a man or to her so could I. And so we'd agreed that before we did anything we'd talk on the phone, but with her being in California and me in London the eight hour time difference made it difficult. Several times one or the other of us had been forced to cancel at the last minute due to unforeseen circumstances such as one of my children being around or her older male lover, who it seemed treated her as almost a sex-slave, not going to work as he should

"I'm fine and you?"

It didn't take long for us to take things dramatically further. But then we'd almost been there before. Been there typing to each other and looking at the photos we'd exchanged; photos that as we'd got to know each other became more explicit, more graphic and quite frankly more horny. Most of my portfolio had been taken by Kevin although I had taken a few on my phone for special requests and Lin had hers taken by her lover who was trying to get her some modelling assignments. So far it seemed all he'd managed to get her was some "erotic dancing" gigs, or as we call them in the UK strip jobs.

I was undressed as we'd planned.

"Just that blue, silk robe you've seen in the photo Lin."

"Mmmmmm and under it?"

"Just me lol. And you Lin."

"lol, I' m just me."

"Well then." I said a bit tongue-tied.

"Well then too," came back

Nothing was said for a while as I looked at the photos of the innocent face and the lustful body, the childlike look and the womanly demeanour. She was truly beautiful, had a fabulous figure with the most perfect, small but rounded 33b breasts and long, long slender legs that even as I looked at them I could imagine being around my shoulders as I lay between them lapping at the marvellous source of her femininity. That thought made me physical shudder with my newly rediscovered bi desire, but mainly with surprise.

"Mandy, I'm looking at your breasts imagining them in my mouth."

"I want them there Lin as I want to be between what I'm looking at, your thighs. Open them for me darling."

"Oh yes, yes," came quietly and throatily down the phone, "undo your robe darling and get those titties ready for me."

I gladly shrugged it off. I wanted to bare myself for her, to be as naked as she was. "Yes Lin, I have, I'm naked and ready," I moaned.

"I want you babe; I want you now, make love to me, make love to me now, please fuck me darling."

"Oh yes Lin, yes," I groaned both my hands cupping my breasts and caressing, squeezing and kneading them. "I want to fuck you, I want you to fuck me, make me cum Lin, make me cum" I was saying all these natural and presumably correct phrases without actually having a very clear idea as to what two women cyber-fucking actually entailed.

"I'm near Mandy, I have my fingers up my cunt and I'm fucking myself as if it was you. What are you doing?"

I told her about holding my breasts.

"But now Mandy you have to fuck yourself with your fingers and pretend they're mine."

I wanted more than that and I'd planned for more than that. Why not? I knew what was going to happen with Lin today. I wanted sex with her as much as she wanted sex with me, or bringing reality into play, we both wanted sex with ourselves, for that was what it really was all about. That's what all my messing around on the net was about wasn't it? Modern masturbation; variations on a theme; bringing self-sex more alive, adding verve and flair to it, getting more from it. Wasn't that why I did it, why Lin, Matt and all the others I'd had and who'd had me did it? Didn't we all do it so we'd get more excitement from fucking ourselves because we couldn't or didn't want to fuck or be fucked by others?

Other than some mild flirting and one groping, drunken kiss at a party when I was about to go to university, I have had no experience with women. To be truthful, compared to many women I know, I hadn't had that much experience with men either; three in over twenty years and nine in total during my life isn't going to set any records is it?

In my late teens and twenties and through most of thirties I really had absolutely no interest whatsoever in other women. I knew that I had no lesbian tendencies. Even when it was offered to me on a plate several times by lesbian tennis girls, I wasn't even tempted.

My cyber stuff changed all that. Through reading Literotica, exchanging emails, using messenger and then surfing round some of the slightly seemier areas of the net, I was amazed at just how wide spread girl with girl action had become. I knew, of course, from the papers and magazine, from TV and films that it had become a hot topic, but I would never have believed just how hot and how popular it seemed to be. That made me curious, I suppose; bi curious as I found out it was termed.

I didn't begin looking at girls and imagining them naked, I didn't look at friends and start to fancy them and I didn't develop a penis hatred or anything like that. No, as my net and writing activities increased so my interest in girly sex, I refuse to call it lesbian, also increased. I started to think what it would be like to be touched by a woman, stroked and caressed by one. How it would feel to be kissed by a girl, be in her arms, have my body pressed against hers. What it would be like to have her cup my breasts and squeeze them and, more significantly, what it would be like to feel her boobs, to cup them, stroke and caress them. And of course the more I thought of such things, the more my imagination, my bi curiosity, was stretched. What would it feel like I wondered to be naked with another girl and have our bare bodies pressed together; to feel her fingers on my wetness, to have them inside me and to do the same to her? What would she taste and smell like, what would I feel like if I made her cum?

I didn't have any real desire to satisfy that curiosity by meeting a girl. In my current thinking that would be as pointless as having another affair with a man, and in any case I'm not lesbian am I? Hence, Lin was my first venture into satisfying that curiosity, my first attempt at going both ways and my initial sortie into 'having my sexual cake and eating it' at the same time.

"I will Lin, but not with my fingers."

"What then darling?"

"I have my vibrator."

"Oh yes, use that, use that to fuck yourself."

"Have you got one Lin?"

"No Chuck won't let me," she replied.

I didn't bother to ask why, but instead switched on the bright pink vibrator.

"Oh darling," Lin moaned down the phone. "That sounds so good."

"It feels wonderful," I told her as I ran the vibrating tip round my nipples, over my breasts and down onto the lips of pussy returning time and time again, of course, to the base of my clitoris.

That really is the most mega sensitive place for me. With the folds of pink, glistening skin pulled away the entire, fantastic stalk, that has only sexual pleasure giving as its reason for existence, is revealed and then my fingers, a lovers tongue or, as now, the tip of a throbbing vibrator can find the place where maybe my erotic paradise resides.

I was too het up to last long. I'd wanted this for some time and had thought of little more than having Lin over the phone for the past week or so. Being naked, hearing her voice and her low moans and now having my "friend" doing its business on my special spot were all too much.

"Oh Lin," I sighed holding the plastic against my clit and turning the power up a tad, "I'm cumming, I'm cumming."

"Yes Mandy yes, yes, yes, so am, so am I."

We both grunted, groaned, sighed and moaned our ways wordlessly, to our climaxes.

.

So as we come more and more up to date I am sexually interesting and fulfilling myself with a combination of writing stories for Lit, exchanging emails, using messenger and occasionally having cyber-sex with my 'team' of online friends.

I don't use messenger anywhere near as frequently as I did when I was first introduced to it. Now it's more like an outlet valve for when I become very frustrated or when I am writing a story or exchanging emails that particularly excite me.

I see meeting a man, and now and then a woman on there, having an intelligent and interesting get to know each other period of chat and emails, perhaps photos as well, as my 'hobby.' If, as it could in reality, leads to both of us wanting more, then so be it. I have overcome my feelings that if I masturbate with someone they will think badly of me, think I'm too easy or a slut. In many ways those descriptions may be true, but now I don't mind if others think it, after all the net is hugely transitory and probably was invented for split personalities such as me.