by Maestro95
I personally though this story was quite good, it had a fabulous story line and yous wouldnt know a good story even if it hit you in the face.. I reason you have talent.. keep on writing :D
ideas were good but thats all you get points for, it was poorly written and had no flow, work on conventional writing before moving into erotica again please.
You have a long way to go yet. This story, while I liked a few parts of it, was generally poorly written. I think perhaps with time you could improve tho, I like your... "Ideas" but your form needs a lot of work.
Horrible, horrible, horrible. The IM conversation was probably the worst part. Please don't inflict this drivel upon us again.
I can not believe that I wasted the time to make a comment except to say that you should not take up space to write any other stories.