Missing

"Hello?"

"Hi mom. I was .."

"GEORGE? George where are you? We've been going crazy trying to find you."

I could hear Tammy in the back ground, "Where is he? We'll go get him and take him home. Hold on George, It'll be ok soon."

"I'm fine mom. I'm not in any trouble, and I am doing well."

"Where are you George? Linda's been beside herself with grief. You just up and left with.."

Her tone was angrier so I cut her off. "Mom, Linda decided she'd rather be with Randy than me. She abandoned me so I left. I was more than fair to her in my divorce filing."

"DIVORCE?!? Have you lost your mind? That girl is dying for you and you are talking divorce? You need to come home right now and we can all sit and discuss this."

"No mother. There will be no discussing. She can talk to me through my attorney. I like it where I am and I plan on staying here for a long time. Maybe I'll find a woman who loves only me and I will settle down again. She left me mom. I know you guys will back her and Randy until you're blue in the face, but I have had enough."

"Son she loves you. She called here in hysterics when she found out that you were gone. We can all meet you there in South Carolina and talk son. You guys need to work this out."

"I'm not in South Carolina mom. I'm not even on that side of the Mississippi. I'll call you from time to time, but I have to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. She hurt me bad this time, and I can't see me getting over it."

A few months rolled by before I called mom again. She told me that Linda and Tammy had hired a PI to find me. She asked me to call at a time when they could have Linda there but I told her that wasn't happening.

I learned to love hockey. It turned out that two of the top ten college hockey teams were separated by 60 miles of Interstate 25. Colorado College in Colorado Springs had the Tigers and the University of Denver had the Pioneers.

I worked with a few guys who had gone to CC and being that my alma mater was also the Tigers I fell in with them. We loved the CC vs. DU games. We often drove to both arenas when they played each other.

I also found out that I didn't have to stop diving since I had left the ocean behind. We often drove south to Stonemoore and dove in Stonemoore reservoir. One of the neat features of the reservoir was an old town that had been flooded when they dammed the river. We dove down to it a few times and took pictures.

I even learned to ski. We went to Aspen a couple of times and saw some Hollywood stars skiing. I learned that Jennifer Love Hewitt's tits are more impressive in person than on TV.

I found out that a sunrise viewed from Lookout Mountain west of Golden is as beautiful a sight as I have ever seen, and any view to the west at sunset is breath taking. It is a majestic beauty, unrivaled anywhere.

I wish I could say that my outlook on love was as bright as my recreational outlook. While I never had trouble finding a woman to bed, even a few more than once, I could never find one that measured up to Linda.

In two years I had bedded countless sluts and skanks. It was nothing to walk into a bar and walk out with a warm pussy for the night. I even dated a few girls but it never lasted for more than a few weeks.

I tried to call my mom from time to time. All I ever heard was her telling me to come home to Linda. She'd fish for information, but I never told her much. I never called on holidays when I knew Linda might be there.

She did tell me that Linda had moved back to Jacksonville and Randy was still in Tampa. I was sure they saw him a lot. Finally one day mom admitted that she understood why I left. She only wished I'd tell her where I was so she could come see me.

One week I was on top of the world, the next it came crashing down around my ears. I had landed three big projects in Wyoming for the company and stood to make a nice bonus for doing so.

Late one evening while working late, my secretary Maggie looked at me, "George, are you feeling ok? You don't look so well."

"Well, to tell the truth I haven't been feeling the best. I am hoping it's just the stress of this project."

As time went on I kept feeling worse. Don even came to me and asked me if I needed to take some time off. I told him I was ok, but I knew better. I had been achy and had no appetite for some time.

That evening I was sitting in a bar with my buddy Ron.

"George, I hate to sound like a woman, but I think you need to see a doctor. I can give you the number of the guy I see, he's really good."

"I probably ought to see him. I don't know I just feel shitty anymore Ron."

"You know depression can do this to you, I mean come on. Your wife leaves you like that it depresses a guy. Dr. Walsh will get you some meds and make it all better."

"Thanks ma. I'll let you know how it turns out."

I saw Dr. Joe Walsh on Friday. He told me he'd know more by Monday.

Monday morning Dr. Walsh's office called and asked me to come in. I went in on my lunch break and he had me sit in his office.

"George, I don't want to scare you, but I'd like to send you to St. Christopher's and have a few more tests run."

"When do you want me to go?"

"Today if you can. Plan to be in there overnight and we'll know more in the morning."

I called in to work and let Maggie know I would be out the rest of the day and most of tomorrow. She assured me that all would be well in my absence, and not to worry.

I spent the rest of the day being poked and prodded, jabbed, stabbed and scanned. I didn't even get a sponge bath from a hot nurse for my troubles. I called my mom that evening just to hear her voice. I have to admit I was a bit scared. I didn't let on that anything was wrong.

The next morning Dr. Walsh walked in with another doctor.

"Mr. Starsky, this is Dr. Don Felder. He's the chief of oncology her at St. Christopher's."

That word "oncology" hung in the air like a black cloud. "I have cancer?"

Dr. Felder looked at me and nodded. "Leukemia to be exact. We also found.."

I didn't really hear the rest. I suddenly knew that there was no possible way my life could get worse. Leukemia. Fuck me!

"Dr Felder and I will step out for a few minutes George and let you absorb this. If you need to call someone feel free to use my phone. We'll discuss our options when we come back."

"Options" was a good word. Options meat this could be fixed. Options meant hope. I picked up the folder the docs had read from and I read my diagnosis. I was surprised at the second one, but it was far from worrisome seeing as I had death running through my blood.

I mentally made a list of shit I had to repent for if I came out of this. If. Now there is a huge two letter word. The doctors came back in and sat down. Dr. Felder began. "Normally we'd test family members to match bone marrow for a transplant, but I see here your only relative is your mother. Unfortunately 75% of these cases the mother is a poor match. A father, brother or child would be optimum, but don't feel there is no hope. We'll put you on the national list and find a donor that will be almost perfect."

Dr. Wash took over. "We can also do radiation therapy and chemo. We can prolong your life for at least another three to five years."

"If we do nothing how long do I have Doc?"

"My best guess," said Dr. Felder, "I'd give you two months tops. Unfortunately your symptoms were likely thought to be just fatigue or something simple so you didn't worry about it. We could have bought you another decade if we had caught it in earlier stages."

"What are the chances of finding a donor?"

He looked at my chart, "Decent, but not as great as I would like. Please don't give up hope. We can do a lot for you."

I thought for a few minutes and made my decision.

"I think I'll pass."

"What? Are you saying you don't want treatment?"

"No I don't. I have had too much sit thrown on me in my life, and going through painful procedures just to prolong that doesn't seem all that appealing. So if it's all the same, I'd just as soon live my days out doing something I enjoy and I'll go out in peace."

They tried for another thirty minutes to talk me out of my decision. They even had a counselor come in and talk to me. I told him the same thing. In the end they reluctantly told me what to expect.

"When the pain gets to be too bad or the weakness is over-whelming you'd be well advised to enter hospice. They won't treat you, but they'll keep you comfortable in the end."

I walked out of the hospital and looked around. I decided to live my days out in Denver. I'd see to a burial plot and such as soon as I went in and told Don and Maggie. Movement caught my eye. There was a scruffy looking guy across the street. I would have sworn he was taking my picture, but when I looked at him he was looking elsewhere. I had seen him a few times recently and figured we just ran in the same patterns every day.

I was way out of my usual pattern here and he was across the street. I went to my Tahoe and left for my office. I saw him and his old Mercedes several times in my mirror. I would expect a PI to be less obvious at tailing someone. Linda, Tammy or my mom must have put him on me, or all three.

I wasn't too worried, I'd never seen him near my home, and I wasn't going to be around long enough for them to find me anyway. He drove on by as I turned into the parking complex that served my office. He would have to guess which of the four buildings I worked in since the entrance was under cover for all four.

I walked in to Don's office with Maggie in tow. I sat them down and broke the news to them. Maggie was in tears. It hurt me worse when she asked what they were going to do for me and I told her it was terminal. I couldn't bear to tell her I was going untreated by choice.

I resigned on the spot and said my good byes. The secretarial pool knew the truth, but most just thought I had something better lined up. Just as I was about to leave, Maggie came up and hugged me so hard I thought she was going to break me. She wanted to say something but couldn't get the words out.

"I know hon." I told her and kissed her cheek and turned and left before she could see my own tears.

I spent most of that week making arrangements. I had an attorney make me a will, giving all of my earthly possessions to charity, mostly cancer research organizations.

My town home was going to a shelter organization for battered women. I gave most of my money up front and kept $80,000 to get me by until I died. I made an appointment with a funeral home. They couldn't fit me in until next week and I thought to myself, "People really are dying to get into that cemetery."

Oddly enough I wasn't angry like the counselor said I might be. I really was at peace. I wasn't looking forward to calling my mom and telling her though. She'd want to bring the entire bunch out here and harass me. But I finally relented and called. She started as soon as she realized it was me.

"George? What's wrong? Why were you in the hospital?" I guess Scruffy T. Dick was faster than I thought. "And why does your phone say South Carolina when you are in Denver?"

Nice to hear from you too ma. It's a disposable phone to keep nosy harassing fuckers off my tail."

"Oh, I see. I guess you can never be too careful." She just didn't get it. I chuckled softly to myself. I was about to tell her my news when she dropped the bomb on me. "Linda and Randy will be out there in a few days to talk to you George."

Oh fucking great. There goes my plan to die in peace in Denver. At least I had a few days to get away. "Mom, are you sitting down?"

"Why yes I am Georgie."

"Is Tammy with you?"

"Yes, do you want to say hi?"

"Mom, I was in the hospital because I have leukemia. Its terminal and I only have a couple months at best. I'll be coming home soon."

"GEORGE! This is not funny at all. You don't play pranks on your mother." She slammed the phone down and I heard her yelling in the background. Soon the phone was picked up and an angry Tammy lit into me.

"What did you say to her George? I know your manners have suffered over the years but treating your moth.."

"Tammy shut the fuck up and listen to me."

"Well I never."

"Tammy, this is not a prank. I have leukemia and I am going to die. Mom needs to understand this. I have two months at best."

"Please tell me this is a joke George. I'll be mad but I'll forgive you."

"It's no joke. And don't feel pity for me. I have made peace with it and I am ready. I'll be leaving here soon and I'll be back in Florida in a couple of weeks."

I heard Tammy crying as she bade me goodbye and hung up the phone. It didn't dawn on me that she didn't call Linda to the phone. I had to leave Denver, and that bothered me worse than dying.

Maybe by time Randy and Linda drive out here and figure out I'm gone, I'll be buried in Florida. Part of me wanted to lay a guilt trip on Linda as payback for walking out on me. But I figured depriving her of any contact with me before I died would be sweeter.

They say the best revenge is a life well lived. What the fuck about those of us that are dying and want revenge? Oh well, I'd been dealt my hand so now I'd ride it out.

The next day I called and told the realtor that was handing over my home to the charity that I was ready to close immediately. I went to the title office and we closed the sale. They gave me a week like I had asked to vacate, even though I planned on being on the road in the morning.

I went home to pack my things I was taking. Just a few clothes and things I thought my mom might want. As I approached my front door I saw them. I almost didn't recognize Linda. She had put on about fifty pounds in the past couple of years. Dickhead still looked the same. I had to walk by them to get home. I figured to walk past and the go through the alley and go in the back.

I knew my appearance was not what she remembered so I was banking on them not noticing me. I walked past and thought I had it made. Just as I was about to turn enter the alley I heard her.

"George?"

I almost kept walking like I didn't hear, but I turned around.

"Oh my god it is you!" She came running toward me, well waddling is more correct. I was suddenly afraid that the impact would kill me.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

She stopped dead in her tracks. "I haven't seen you in a long time baby. I love you so damn much. Why did I ever leave?" she started crying and sat on the sidewalk.

I was getting embarrassed, but I thought of an idea. "Come in with me if you want. We'll talk for a few minutes and you can be on your way."

She stood and followed me into my town home. Randy started getting out of their rental car and I fixed him with a glare. "You can wait out here fuckstick!"

Linda and I went into my home and she sat down. "Oh George, I have missed you so much. I was so stupid."

"Well you and your love got reunited and I got to experience Colorado. I'd say we both won."

"No I didn't win damn it! I only intended to give you something to think about. I never believed you'd divorce me over it. I realized how bad I had fucked up when I found out you were gone. Isn't there some way we can be together? I don't love Randy baby. Only you."

A plan formed in my head. "You want to be with me?" She nodded vigorously. "I'll give you a chance, but you have to do everything I say."

"Anything for you baby. I'd die for you. Why do you look so bad? Is it because of me?"

"We'll get to that later. For now here's what you need to do. Go get your bags from your car, and tell shitfuck to skedaddle. He needs to get his ass on a plane for Florida or wherever you two have been living. You and I will drive back and talk this all out on the way. Oh, and leave your cell with him. I don't want interruptions. I have two throw away cells if we need a phone."

She went out to the car and opened the door. She briefly sat inside and I could see him becoming animated. I knew then my revenge had a good chance of working. After a few minutes she grabbed her bag and left the car. I got a weak feeling and had to sit. I would just have to trust that he left as I had specified.

I didn't think I had sat for long but Linda shaking me was the next thing I was aware of. "Babe! What's wrong? I came in and you were passed out. You scared me half to death."

"I'm just tired as hell I guess. I haven't slept well lately." I had a drug cocktail I was supposed to take. The combination of chemicals was supposed to ease the physical effects on me. I couldn't let Linda know I was dying until much later if my plan was to work.

We went to the same Mexican restaurant that Don had taken me to my first night in Denver. Linda just raved about the food, and I realized just how badly I had missed her. I felt tears welling up and tried to wipe them away before she noticed. I excused my self to go to the bathroom. I could see her in a big wall mirror, watching my every step.

I got into the restroom and took my pills, and splashed water on my face. I questioned myself to see if I was really ready to drive across the country. We finished our dinner, well Linda finished hers, I wasn't much good at eating anymore. I kept adding stuff from my plate to Linda's when she would look away.

We drove back to my place and I showed her to the guest room. She looked forlorn but I didn't care. I went into my bedroom and got into my warmest clothes and went to sleep.

I awoke to the smell of coffee, and bacon. Linda had walked down to the small grocery on the corner and bought breakfast food. I made a valiant effort to eat but as much as I loved the taste I couldn't stomach food. Unlike last night, Linda noticed my new eating habits.

She fixed me in a gaze and asked me point blank, "George, what is wrong with you? You didn't eat at dinner last night, and you are barely touching breakfast this morning. You used to sleep naked, and I go in to wake you and you are wearing Eskimo clothes and still shivering like a man in a blizzard."

I couldn't bluff totally, but maybe I could get by with a half truth. "I am gravely ill. I have an appointment in Florida to see a specialist to see what he can do for me. I wasn't going to do anything, but since there is a chance that you'll be back in my life, I want to fight this thing."

She started crying and came over and hugged me into her ample bosom. I had missed her. I wanted this time with her. I just couldn't break it to her that I was a goner. We got everything packed into my Tahoe and we left Denver just before noon. I was sad to see the skyline in my rear view mirror, and was angry with Linda and the family for tracking me down. I was very conflicted.

Linda noticed the tear in my eye and reached over and wiped it away. A very tender move that showed me her love was still there for me. Too bad she'd destroyed mine.

"You're going to miss Denver aren't you baby."

I sniffed and realized that I was. "I'm going to miss all of Colorado. I didn't get to see all of it that I wanted to."

"Well maybe after these doctors get you healthy again we can move back here. I like what I have seen in the past three days."

As we drove she filled me in on the past two years of her life. "When I left that day, I really intended to only stay until Sunday afternoon and be back home Sunday evening. Then I listened to Randy whine about never getting to see me, and him reminding me of the times you walked out for hours on end, I decided to stay until Friday like I had originally planned.

The first indication I had that anything was wrong was when my debit card wouldn't work at breakfast Tuesday morning. I tried to call you to see what was going on with the bank and my phone was off. Since I wasn't the account holder they wouldn't tell me anything. I called our bank next, and they told me the account had been closed.