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Click hereOliver laughed, "Yeah, I will swear off guys for sure now!" They laughed some more, and kissed one more time, tasting the salty semen on each other's lips. Shannon was again struck by how absolutely beautiful this man was.
Oliver said, "I wasn't sure you swung this way, too."
"Well, this might be a temporary experimentation."
"Temporary?"
"Sorry, I'm not sure about much of anything right now for reasons I can't explain to you. Let's just get cleaned up before this all leaks onto my poor Mom's couch."
Oliver let it go for now, too overwhelmed with post-coital male satisfaction to press his buddy further. Sean had been so enthusiastic, Oliver was sure he would come around again soon.
Shannon felt the same post-coital bliss for the first few minutes, long enough for Oliver to happily take off down the street in a borrowed shirt. Then the reality of what she had done hit her like a blow.
"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" How could she ever explain this to Sean if they switched back? He saw Oliver all the time, he would find out. The poor guy would be hurt, emotionally and possibly even physically, when Sean rejected his future advances. There was no way Oliver would believe it had been Shannon in Sean's body.
"I hate this, it's out of control," Shannon started weeping. She was so upset she went to bed early, not even waiting for Sean to get back from her date.
- COMMENTS
ShawnSwiftover 9 years agoYou have a well written and engaging story here. The characters have stayed true to form throughout the narrative, and you've done quite a bit to keep it "plausible" and "real." I especially like that their desires are ruled not only by their mind's eye, but by their host bodies as well. The only real problems I have with your story are how it all begins, and some minor point of view issues.
I know you touch on the fact that it's a fantasy, and that you, 'want to get to the good part' so to speak, but consider the following. One of the things that make a fantasy more enjoyable are elements of realism spread throughout. An old Chinese witch sprinkling some herbs into their food works well enough I suppose, but I'd appreciate it if you had spent more time fleshing out who she is, and why she's doing it. I would also appreciate it if you made it clear as to how the witch identified them as siblings/twins, and how her magic actually works.
As for the point of view issues, that's a bit trickier because you're writing from a third-person omniscient point of view, which gives you a lot of freedom. As someone who struggles with this in my own writing, the best advice I can give you is to at least keep it to one point of view per paragraph.
The last point I want to make is that there is an ever-growing market for niche erotica. Very few stories on this site are, in my opinion, worth selling, but this one is shaping up to be a winner. Thanks again for sharing, and I hope to see more of you in the future.
Anonymousover 9 years agoThe series is very engaging and it is written very well. Keep up the good work!
Anonymousover 9 years agoi have never ever commented on any story on this sight but the dynamics are fascinating please keep up the good work
Anonymousover 9 years agoThis is a great story, hot as hell.
You have done the gay stuff now so could we mabe get back to this pair?
Anonymousover 9 years agoShannon is hypocritical. She has no issues jerking off in her brother's body, but makes sure Sean doesn't even glimpse her own. Also, her constantly dressing Sean in her body should make her new body show some sign of arousal. Whether anything happens between the two is, of course, your prerogative, but a heterosexual man's body will respond to a naked woman's body.
