All Comments on 'Mr. Perfect Ch. 02'

Please can we get some more. great story development.

Pretty good story. Just one question. Didn't Chris drive him home in Jason's car, and if so, why did he walk him home?

lovely story. but I think you should proofread it or have someone else help you out. There were a couple of sentences and even paragraphs that got me asking "???"

Good story though. Don't feel pressure to submit so fast. It is more important to have a story with good quality writing without errors that could potentially lose the interest of many readers. Good luck :)

This could be a really great story if it wasn't for the disjointed content, grammar errors and severe lack of appropriate punctuation. It's a fantastic concept and I would love to see where the story goes; but it's so difficult to read that without some correction and direction, I'm not sure if I'll attempt reading future chapters.

Love it and hate it. The story itself is good, but the writing makes it hard to read and fully enjoy. Agree with the other comments- use one of Lit's editors to help make this more fluid and correct the punctuation, etc. The story concept is otherwise very nice.

I agree with the others. I wanna keep reading, and probably will. But, it does need editing. I noticed more than once that more than gram/spell errors there were glaring inconsistencies such as Chris driving him to his aunt's and then him walking Chris home. Guess he left his friend's car there? I also noticed when you mentioned a 40 min ride to his aunt's and then he gets in with Stan and is there in 10 mins. So, try to be careful with things like that. I think you did a good job making this guy still seem endearing. I look forward to more. Try to get an editor. If you ask, sometimes the readers will volunteer.

cannd

There is something appealing about this story but you need to slow down - you're telling it like you're rushing through a shopping list. Every story needs a rhythm. You need an editor, yes, but what you need most is simply to proofread and edit your own work before posting.

". . . wow he even punctuated in messages was all I could think of . . ."

Good idea! Punctuate your story properly!

:-)

Normally I would never have made it through Chapter 01 of this series but there is something basically appealing in the general story. You have a good story but you are one of the worst at writing that I've seen on this site. You definitely need to have an editor because you don't seem to understand the very basics of sentence/paragraph structure. You have a gift for telling stories; you just can't write them. Get an editor because I think you might have some interesting stories in you.