All Comments on 'Mr. Perfect Ch. 05'

jeez, don't know what to say. i hope you aren't going to now say will is dead--the guy who loved this kid and who was still being compared to chris. Next you'll say it was stan who hit him! He said he loved him but hadn't been sexually attracted to him? I get why Chris might be there after Jake ran into him and kept going. But, I think this is all a bit crazy. Maybe it went too fast? I think Jake should have been more open with Will. Told him about the mugging. I mean what did the guys do during that? strip him and leave him but didn't rape him? why not leave his clothes on? I hope you don't have Jake get what he wants when Will dies. That'd be nuts. I will read the next chapter b/c the rest was good but I hope it is done right. This kid just seems really unbalanced. I hope the events don't fit his crazy insanity. It'd be too awful if this poor guy will dies finding this screwed up kid. He finally finds love and dies? i guess i'll see where you go with it.

will....and stan....and chris...and the finding a lover who looks like the old love of your life...now the accident...i guess, next comes the guilt?

Well that was unexpected.. i hope will doesnt die because it would be just to much.. after all that jacob has been through and now this. woah

Well i am not an expert when it comes to writing a story or book but i read a lot of them. The only way to say this is to take it as constructive criticisim. Maybe im the only one who thinks that but it seems like theres to much drama. Dont get me wrong, everything you did so far was breathtaking and well written. It just looks liike too much in so little time. Yes in the story its been a couple of months that will and jacob are together but to the reader its just to much and i think its ruining the story

For me, it would have made sense just for will and jacob to go in aunt berne's house and whatever drama that would've happen with chris would of been fine. But will being hit by a car is just to big. But its just my opinion. I could be really wrong and that everyone disagrees with me

I still love the story and i love the way you write it. Keep up the good work

I'm lost. Jacob has been majorly crushing on Chris for CHAPTERS. He has been taking advantage of Stan's attraction to him for almost just as long, and then in a cowardly act slinks out on him in the middle of the night because he's not CHRIS. And now we're left with a proposal from Will, whose car and house he falls into in a short span of time, getting into an accident ...

Jacob hasn't thought about his aunt because he only thinks about himself. And there's my issue- I think I'm waiting for an epiphany that isn't coming. Because Jacob isn't getting the guy he wants, he has become more and more of an unlikeable and self-centered character. The self- deprecation, the fixation, the reliance on others because nothing is working out the way that he wants- I'm surprised Chris doesn't feel the weight of responsibility on his shoulders for all the drama that has been caused because he is the object of Jacob's affections.

You have huge potential but this chapter was confusing. So much happened in such a short time, the story was moving so fast.

And Jake can't make up his mind, Chris, Stan and Will..... He needs to get his act together and get over Chris.

I really hope Will is okay, please dont kill him. That would be totally unfair, he has done everything for Jake and Jake still keeps comparing him to Chris.

Overall I enjoyed the chapter and can't wait to read the next one.

:)

So cant wait to read more. Update soon please.

This chapter is unbelievable. As in not plausable. I know this is fiction however......The tempo is too fast and the main character is a namby pamby who needs to find his spine instead of running away from life. In the real world this would never happen. A wealthy guy here and a wealthy guy there with no one giving him a reality check? You could have a great story if you expanded and edited.

I think the storyline is good, but maybe it would be a little better without all the drama. It seems like Jacob is always crying over something or other and he also can't seem to be able to choose between the three guys. It was complicated enough when it was just chris and Stan, but now will gets added in. Overall, the story was ok but it could be better.

Huge cliffhanger though!

As other readers have pointed out - no reality whatsoever! Even in fiction you need to have something that the reader can relate to - Jacob is just immature, selfish, as he says himself - a slutboy and the whole story gets more and more ridiculous! It is far from perfect, no amount of editing will help it!

this story is all over the fucking place. it no longer i love story in fact i dont really no what its all about, its confusing its like a stew its got every thing except a plot.?

if i were you i wouldnt bother taking this story any further

ive read this till its end... it confusing its all over the place. its dull and at times boring.. there is to much going on and its hard to follow. you have got to series five.. if i were you ,i would leave it there go home and smah the computer up and get another job. i am sorry to be so harsh. but this is by far the most confusing pile of rubbish ive ever read.

You know what cut the guy some slack. You don't have to be rude. Dinky I bet you're just a cranky man in the first place. If you want to say something mean feedback it.

No matter how much we criticize it I bet we all are itching to know what happens to will. And the story wasn't confusing , there were just some lose ends that need to be tied.

Again to dinky, I bet you don't have a teaspoon of creative juice in your thick head. So before you say rude stuff read it and imagine if you were in the authors place. No one said it was a real story. And though this might seem a little overdramatic, I do like to read some drama. It's simple if you dint like it, don't read it.

Is a complete douche. Those who can't do, criticize. I haven't read this story just saw that comment and have never been more disgusted by a reader. At least this writer had the balls to put a story out there What have you done dinky? Try adding a little construtive to your criticism you prick!

I'm sorry, but I'm with Dinky this time. The main character of this series pissed me off, his behaviour was immature and selfish, and the last chapter with Will was just totally unbelievable. My advise would be to rewrite the story, excluding the Will part, and either let Jacob get off with Chris or get real with Stan. You could even do both, if he got Mr. Perfect out of his system by having sex, and then realizing than Stan is the one he really loves.

If it was so bad why did you read the whole thing? Not every story is for everyone. They at least put their ideas to paper. To the writer keep trying

i am only commenting on this chapter but i have read all of them and cant wait to see what you add to this story...it may not be everyones cup of tea so to speak but it takes guts to publish work and let others give an opinion and i am glad you did...keep up the good work

I have read the story so far and i absolutely love it!!! But where is the next chapter???? I know leaving people in suspense in supposed to leave them wanting more and it does but now its just torture!!! Please post the next chapter soon! Thanks!

I see you've been blasted for this chapter. In your bio you give your age as "over 18". I'm going to stick my neck out here and guess that you're not that MUCH over 18, in which case, I think you have enormous potential as a writer. If I'm correct, then the faults of your writing, and of the characters and relationships you portray, are simply the result of being young, and not yet having a broad experience of love, heartbreak and all the other stuff life throws at us over time. Keep writing, and keep it fresh – you're doing fine.

If you need a proofreader, drop me a line.

Look forward to seeing more from you soon.

:-)

not anticipating next chapter. this story really turns worst!

This the worst shit series I've ever seen on this site and I could just KICK myself for reading it. Honestly, I read it primarily because it just seemed to get laughably worse with each chapter. Suffice it to say, the last chapter makes me wonder if the whole thing was written by a seven year old.

You need to set a singlelove for him. The way he jumps from person to person is just awful.

The Fuck???? Where is the rest. That was a shitty... very shitty ending...

YET ANOTHER UNFINISHED STORY WASTE OF MY TIME READING THIS