All Comments on 'Much To Do About Nothing'

You did a romance and called it loving wives.

Thankyou

I knew you had a good one here......smiles. Keep up the good work Darlin!!.....angel.

I liked your story but wished you had put more dialogue in it.

Boyd

that almost got killed by ambition and, yes that ol' demon, lack of communication. Thank You. Ronnie W.

Good one,Keep it up.

Once again it is depicted that communication in marriage is extremely important; paramount!!

Always communicate, talk it out, BEFORE you make assumptions.

I thought it was a good story. Just one note I'd like to make on your punctuation - you use semicolons in several places where commas would be more appropriate - but this does not detract from your story.

Good story idea, but stilted and awkward.

Gizzmo, very nice story, but in some ways it read more as an outline than the completed story. The emotions and drama are there, but in cursory form.

If this had been fleshed out it had the potential of being a classic.

Keep up the writing.

Angel L needs to learn how to edit.

Repeating your self in 30 paragraphs when it could of been 5.

This story had the potential for being one of the truly great short stories of Literotica. Instead, it fell almost flat. That is a shame. The so-called editing was (and is) a shame. The lack of character development was (you know) a shame. Too bad. Oh, well.

You did a very good job of building one miscommunication upon the next until it escalated out of control.

The story had a great flow and I especially liked the way you presented it as if we were outsiders looking in.

A lot of build up but was a little disappointed with speed of stories wrap up.

K.

I love a feel good feel bad and then feel good again story! It was a great lunch time read. Thanks V

It started with potential, but fell apart at the end. How did either one of them know anything. Without talking all that time, they suddenly "knew"...sorry, bullshit. The whole story just came apart.

I agree with most of the critical comments thus far. The story was deeply depressing, but that would have been fine if it was tied to any sembalance of a plot. It seemed as if you painted yourself into a corner and brought the whole thing to a quick close. I know it's fantasy, but where were you going with this story?

This is suppose to be erotic and loving wives????

Story content is way too slow!

Sometimes we all forget to balance our lives. Work is for survival, not to become the center of our lives. Life, on the other hand, is for living and has little or nothing to do with working.

It was a great story and you had me engrossed in where this was going towards the end. It raised my feelings and I had images of both of them in my mind.

I don’t’ quite understand all this anonymous harsh critique today, but if people are giving an honest appraisal of their feelings then I guess it’s fine.

I like your writing and look forward to your next submission.

You said a lot in a few words. I loved the story. Not all stories can be masterbation material for all those professional editors and publishers that are so critical of someone's writing. I think it would be nice for them to re-edit your story or help you with a rewrite if they are so bothered. But this is a fiction site, I don't guess someone in the world of reality would offer to help. Keep writing.

You need to change editors. There are far too many uses of the wrong word. It detracts from the story, that frankly can't afford many detractions.

I would like to think everyone who has taken time to comment on my story. this is only my second one and I hope to make each story just alittle bit better than the last. Again think all of you for your comments both good and bad

Gizzmo

gizzmo, so much feeling and so much understanding into the thoughts and problems of marriage. And just that little bit of dialogue in the end that enhanced the entire thing. Fantastic story.

You have the basis for a good story here, but it reads more like a plot outline than an actual story. You need to let us get to know and care for (or hate) the characters, not by reciting their curriculum vitae, but by pulling us into their lives as we watch their actions, listen to their dialogue, and even peek into their thoughts.

If you can add that to your plot, you'll have a dynamite story.

this story, and I am on the underimpressed team.

I think the title is an apt description of the whole thing.

Much ado about nothing - as someone below said, a great story outline, no feeling what so ever - merely a sanitised description of a series of non events.

For a second effort, maybe not too bad, but don't fall into the trap of believing those gushing praise in their comments - it won't help your writing one little bit.

Find yourself a new editor, angel love's own writting is really terrible, and i'm sorry to say, her low standards have been kept to with this. Try somthing else, with either a better writter to advise you, or just try it alone.

i liked it. but maybe that's because i have lived it. anyway keep up the good

work

i liked it. but maybe that's because i have lived it. anyway keep up the good

work

The whole thing flowed really well. And i really got into his psyche. Lotsa undercurrents. Good job!

A short story that says a lot

I like the way you led us to the ending. Good read

At the base, even the best Italian Operas share a lot with the common soap opera. Both always go for the big drama, the heart tearing conflicts and how could we do without them: the near death experiences which cleanse the tormented characters far and beyond anything which any of us could (or wishes) to experience in real life. Ah, but the cathartic effect afterwards! When it works, it’s the best, when it does not, well, then it feels hollow and overdone, and you feel like you want to chuckle.

I would not say that it was a real bad melodrama, but for me it did fall flat. Interestingly, the choice of the name by the author almost suggests some ambivalence regarding the level of seriousness he wishes us to take his own plot. It seems almost as if it was supposed to be read as a parody. But, the content, especially towards the end, lacks the ironic distance which I did find (and liked!) at the beginning of the story, with the voice of the narrator giving us an all knowing previews. So, for me there WAS “something to do” - which I enjoyed, at the beginning of the story. I could hear the narrating voice which reminded of the ominous voice of the narrator in “desperate housewives”…

ou are good at expressing your thoughts in words and i enjoy reading your

stories. You should try to write quite often and give your fans more stories to

read and enjoy.

keep it going and you'll be the best on here. Stay well. Vastie

write more of your stories.

It was good but needed more between them. It seemed to me to be like pictures of their life but it should have more to it.

what happened to communication here? kinda hard to believe they have been married for 15 years and cant talk to each other?

two smart people do talk.the writer ran and ran with the people not talking.make the couple look dumb.

Fine short story about how even good marriages can falter when the partners stop talking to each other and start talking at each other. Nicely paced, believable characters, realistic plot. Thanks, gizzmo, for am enjoyable tale.

Very bizarre story. Not one word of dialog. The ideas come out slowly and through a cloudy lens.

Sounds like you're retelling a story someone told you and not writing one. I couldn't even get passed the first paragraph.

If they worked for a living i wouldn't want to work thereand god help their kids.

she expands her time away and a special project? she has created a problem, and is happily ever after the answer?

If I were related to this two assholes, I would take their kids away from them. They are immature and selfish. Author, what makes you think any reader would care about what happens here? I'd truly consider it a happy ending, if you killed off both in a car accident.

Others comments have said the part about writing your own stories. Probably because this one is written in the third person with disturbing breaks in continuity, jumps of logic and unexplained actions. If you're going to write a story put more effort into it. Who would believe a couple as accomplished as these two would not talk together more and in more detail? Story followed the LW template of early good marriage, poor later because of work, boredom, miss-communication, but you didn't develop any of this enough to make it interesting. The action jumped around so much the reader must continually double check to be sure of what they read.

This is a simple story about the reality of how many relationships falter. Most of them die a slow death because of misunderstandings and lack of communication. This story is a wonderful illustration of this simple fact.

Kudos for getting to the point like a laser.

if you don't talk to your spouse,how can you make it.what leadership on their jobs,if they talk to whom they love.

Another example of two people who were NOT mature enough to be married to each other. IF you can't talk to someone you're married to, then you should not be married! 80-90% of all "nasty" divorces could be avoided IF people just talked to one another . . .

There was no proper names within the text at all. It stank of being a report of troubled marriages rather than a story. I could not relate at all. Other stories where there are proper names and desciptions of characters I could quite literally insert myself into the story. Here I could not at all.

Try again.

Please find someone to proofread your drafts. There are too many typos and grammatical erros and they detract from the story. Here's also another call for naming your characters. Look up some ideas in the Literotica "How tos" and be imaginative with names.

That's "errors." And I do know how easy it is to make them.

he has written so many stories he can talk about spelling and errors. Oh yea NOT.

Beautifully written with a gentle rhythm that was so touching and endearing. Great read!

to this story. Sometimes, the poor writing can be eclipsed by a great story; not this time. The wife cheats but becomes a heroic figure? Feel sorry for this guy.

This just wasn't one I can like, the guy took a hammering and was made to look like a wimp, it sucked!

Very good idea.

Pretty pedestrian execution.

You need to focus more on eliciting response and feelings in the reader. To an extent, you've succeeded. But not much.

Yet, I cannot ignore the potential. As far as the idea was concerned - very nice.

The best thing to say abut this tale is that there was no cheating. How 'bout that. A faithful couple. Incredible

The author tells the reader how to feel about each character. The characters do NOT say a word to each other (until the very end - then it is still just described!). Readers should be given the characters' conversations (with each other and key others) and let us decide how we feel about them!

This outline could have been made into an exciting and enlightening read. Pity it was NOT! Very cold and lifeless. Wreck at the end is a shameless 'Deus ex machina!' It sounds like she should have been dead! Instead, oh happy day, she hears him and the clouds part and the angels sing!

2*

I'm with LDS - not that he says what I'm saying. Maudlin. But what's happening? Careful writing so 4*

A sweet story. I like the storyline but wish it were a little more developed. Thanks.

But I felt like I was being "lectured" to the entire time. Without conversation between the two I never felt engaged in their lives.

Interesting tale, and pretty well presented,

The author wrote a story - it IS what he says it is

Neither cheated - she betrayed his trust - he came too close - but neither did the deed -

They both, barely, managed to hold off the ultimate, the author gave them their second chance - she is portrayed as stupid enough to get in trouble again when her hormones go out of whack but we will have to see what the AUTHOR SAYS LOL

WHAT AN EXCELLENT STORY..... I HAVE SAVED THIS ... OMG... NO CHEATING NOTHING, JUST A LONG MARRIAGE THAT BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE FORGOT EACH OTHER AND WHAT IS IMPORTANT.. I LOVE THE ENDING. I HOPE THERE IS A CHAPTER 2.. I SEE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE GOING THE WHOLE DISTANCE TOGETHER. WELL DONE AS FOR THE HATERS, TRY BEING MARRIED, TRY HAVING A FAMILY, TRY MAKING PLANS FOR FUTURES THAT COST LOTS OF MONEY... COLLEGES, RETIRMENTS ETC. I AM GLAD TO SEE A STORY WHERE BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE CHEERESHED THE BASIC RULE.... THEIR VOWS.....

I usually shy away from making comments unless I can have some constructive suggestion but this is just crap. Reconciliation is one thing, but for years she's had her head so far up her ass she's completely neglected her family and marriage and humiliated her husband to turn around like this is just crap. That's 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back. A "clever" twist does not a story make.

I imagine this happens a lot. Not often to this degree. Story builds a great case for better communication. Interesting story, but written for crap. Some pieces of what should have been dialogue. Too many pronouns - when hubby talked with wife's boss, I don't know if the author was confused or if he/she merely confused me.

After years of neglect or at least second priority, REAL children are going to need more than one good weekend and promises of an improvement to come to believe that anything has really changed.

And unless she did a LOT more than let a guy "feel her up" - if her husband saw correctly - even if she DID "lean in for more", all of the guys in her office won't immediately jump from there to slut... women might make that leap but us guys are slower on the uptake... so it's more likely SHE thought she had acted like a slut and was protecting...

With the amount of emotional love they'd been failing to feel for each other and with both thinking the other was having one or more affairs, the divorce should have almost been welcome for her and not much of a surprise.

Then I think, finally, considering the amount of back and forth you engaged in, it would have been better if you'd been in her subconscious while she was out for those three days and had her think back over the actions she assumed meant HE was having an affair as well as recognizing the actions SHE performed which would indicate SHE was having one... Then her first comment would be better for me to accept.

While I'm not anti-God, nothing in your story PRIOR to the end indicated we should consider that as PART of your story... so throwing it in at the end is like murder mysteries where the killer is a never before mentioned individual.

It's just "she did this" and "he did that". No life.

Thanks for the offering.

but if this is edited it was by a 5 yr old. Dont give credit for a shit job. 3*

This writing would have failed a 5th grade English class.... Your editor isn't doing you any favors, just a mess from word one.....

but I wrote the ending you left out.

After they exchanged smiles, the egotistical, selfish wife would never have the opportunity to realize and repent how she contributed to the death of her "wonderful" marriage.. You see, she died a few moments after their exchange of smiles! The husband was filled with self-assigned regret and remorse and sunk into a deep depression. No one, his children included, could entice him out of it. He lost his job, all of his friends, his children's love, and spent all his time and money getting drunk. His alcohol-ladeled body was found one day laying over a subway grate, without any identification. He was subsequently buried face down in an unmarked grave and all trace of his having lived was essentially erased within three days!!

It goes to show the old truism: there is nothing so great, no effort so noble, no relationship so amazingly intimate that can't be destroyed by a good dose of pride!

Great ending!

Oh yes . . . they put a special marker on the wife's grave stone that said: "She gave the best days of her life to a Big Project that nobody will remember in a six months! R.I.P."

I didn’t care much for the story, including the way it ended. But I liked your ending even less. Keep your day job.

..to involve the reader. No characterization to speak of. Boring 2^

Renders it down to the basics, unbelievably stark, great job about how communication is always the key.

Reading the comments, I thought it would be terrible. But it was actually pretty good.

Its about lack of communication but even so he could have called her out on a few things like the slut behavior at the party and the kiss. That isn't really communicating but he should have said something.

So now that she is awake he should start telling her what an ass she was/is and what he saw and continue with the divorce so she knows what she did. If he feels she is remorseful he can call it off.

But I wouldn't

3rd person narration spoiled it completely. It was like reading a sports commentary.

Good story, reasonably told up to the last two paragraphs. There was just NO writing skill in the ending, it is a cop out. Yes, it takes skill to write an ending that let's the reader imagine the rest of the story. It didn't happen in this one. You and your editor should've put in a little more effort.

detroitdave

She did cheat. Not much was said about him in this story.

Kiss etc. Boss told her to put family first.! Didn't cheat my ass!

jtwheels

1* - fucked up story

Pretty good story about dangers of not communicating in a marriage. Enjoyed it.

lust in his eyes really.

Very good well crafted story.

This shows good promise for more stories that require thinking

Too many spelling/grammatical errors in what might have been a reasonable tale.

Second person stories don't work.

A good idea which needed more development and was spoiled by the poor English and the many spelling errors. To an anonymous commenter; this story was written in the third person not the second person. Second person is 'You did this or that',

4 stars for the great idea, but you lost one for the grammar and spelling.

ZEROZEROZERO. Author need to "hold" up in a motel somewhere, and take writing lessons preceded by a brain transplant.

there husband's got to close

their husbands got too close

3 errors in 5 words.

Don't give up your day job.

This was just so hard to read by the way you had written it⭐️⭐️

How the fuck u managed to meander your way through writing ten stories is a wonder by itself?

he seen her kiss and hug another man , so i don;t think he could believe her ,she on the other hand never seem him do anything like she did , he can't ever trust her again , divorce and move on .

I couldn't read it after about four paragraphs. It is a real mess. One star.

Fuck… what a mess u write!

Neba eba right wen u iz drunked.

No seriously dont, and remember friends dont let friends drink and write. Im sure some idiots found this "good" but I'll go on record that they are either dumber than a stump or just so happy it isnt a cuck story they'll applaud anything.

Ignore the nay sayers. Gave it a 5.......right up to the end I was sure these poor folks were doomed to crash and burn without either of them having broken their vows. Her dead and him doomed to a life of pain not having been able to tell her he didn't do anything so thank God for that twist at the end.

Average at best. Seemed rushed and choppy.