All Comments on 'My Girlfriend is My Teacher'

We're on Lit, so writing a story about fulfilling a common fantasy's cool in and of itself.

It's good I'm not alone in wanting to shag a cute older female teacher as a young lad, or be teacher's pet for a while!

Your story delivers that.

Where your story falls short IMO is that you want it to be a romance as well without giving the reader a good reason for Zoe to want this guy on an ongoing basis.

OK, Zoe had a nasty shock with the attempted robbery, good for a hot, grateful one nighter and au revoir, not committing career suicide.

Everyone, male or female, whatever their orientation, has moments where overwhelming emotions trump good sense. When those moments become an ongoing lifestyle, though, it becomes ludicrous whether IRL or in a story. If Zoe's this much of a flake, why's she such a great playmate or lover for Tyler?

My advice is, write the story with one goal in mind and let it do its work. Don't let the temptation to pack in anything extra distract from writing that bit with focus, style, and passion so it goes from good stroke story to poignant, hot story folks cherish and remember and go back to repeatedly.

Read some other stories (preferably, those that have a score of 4.5 and higher). While reading them, look at where other writers put periods and commas. "I work here this is my new job" is actually two completely separate sentences. "I work here. This is my new job." When you write, imagine anywhere where you'd pause. That's probably a good place for a comma. It indicates you're combining different sentences together. "Well how old are you if you don't mind me asking?" should be "Well, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?" If you doubt me, read that sentence out loud, pausing where I put the commas. Then, read it again without pausing at all.

Use punctuation where it's appropriate, for realism, and to allow your readers to understand the rhythm and flow of your story, instead of breaking their concentration to have to wonder "Wait a minute! Who did what? And where were they?"

And for the idiots who are already getting ready to comment something to the effect of "This is a wonderful story! You grammar Nazi's should shut up! Why do you have to say mean things to these gifted and talented people!? (whine-whine-whine, bitch-bitch-bitch, moan-moan-moan)"...

Let me ask you this: Would you rather eat a meal that is "almost" cooked well enough to not make you sick, or a meal that is cooked well enough to not make you sick? The extra effort pays for itself in a better result. Why settle for less the best you can do?

She should have taught you grammar.

***Thanks for the read.