My Other Mother Ch. 10

"What things do you need to see clearer?"

I had to bring this under control somehow, a lot sooner than very much later. Doing my best to look like someone who's justified, I took a shot.

"Well, Mum... Our lives have completely changed in two months. It's pretty hard for me sometimes, too. And... then there's what we're doing with each other and everything... It's just all a bit overwhelming sometimes. I don't even think of it when I'm with you, it's just when I'm out and I start wondering what people would think of me. It doesn't mean I don't love you, and I'll never, ever leave you, but it's still... sometimes..."

I looked down, hoping to God that my answer would fly.

"You can talk to me, sweetie pie," she said, her voice having softened to a degree.

"You're right, I just..."

"You tend to hold your own council. It's what you're used to. I understand."

"I hope so, cause... You know."

I looked back up and offered a little smile, getting one in return as she dropped another small handful in the pail. The waves crashed in on the beach and receded, the sound filling what might otherwise have been an uncomfortable silence.

"You know, Steven... We're not like other people."

I said nothing, only looked back at her while still avoiding her eyes.

"Hon... I'm sorry I got... Look, you just took me by surprise with the talking to yourself thing, I'm sorry. Please, let's just talk like we were?"

I nodded, sighing with a smile that told her I agreed before saying, "It's okay, Mum, don't worry about it. I'll try to remember to be nicer to you than I am to me."

She hissed a short laugh, leaned over and gave me one of her soft, lingering, motherly kisses on the mouth. God, I loved the feel of her lips on mine and would often just close my eyes to enjoy the feel of them there, not even kissing back.

"So, uhhh... do you agree with what I just said about us?" she asked.

I sighed, seeing no other way but to agree and discuss, censoring my knowledge for the sake of my promise when and where I could.

"Yes. I do."

She nodded, going back to the periwinkles while adding, "Remember I told you about how Mum called herself a Sith Lord?"

"Yes."

"Well, I've been thinking of that since we spoke of it. Kind of one of those things you forget about after years and years, you know? But I... You saw what happened with Joe, didn't you? You saw what I did to him?"

"I'm not sure what I saw there," I carefully replied, also having gone back to collecting periwinkles.

"I think you are. You were paying close attention and I think you know pretty well what happened there, whether you want to accept it or not. It's why you've been avoiding direct eye contact with me all day."

" ... I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I understand, but you know you're safe with me. I'd never do anything to hurt you."

"I know. It's just so..."

"Yeah."

" ... You did the Jedi mind trick on him."

"Hm... Yes, essentially. I first discovered it with Pitbull's ex-slum Lady. I experimented with it a few times since then, Joe being one of those experiments. And Roxy... I find I have a hold on her that's... Well, it was somewhat unintentional. But it was different after our experience, more... focused."

"Seems pretty crazy, what we're talking about, huh?" I asked, putting a small handful in the pail, taking it in my hand, adjusting my location and setting it between us. "I mean the implications... Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What do you think of your mother now?"

"God, I don't know what to think of her. I mean, she was a psycho maniac, there's no denying that, but I remember she used to be able to convince Dad to do things... We girls, too. Now I'm getting an idea as to how, but it worries me considering how she was."

"It's not impossible that she'd know the Jedi mind trick and be crazy," I observed."

"It's not impossible that insanity isn't a side effect of the ability, either."

"That's not a very pleasant thought, Mum."

"No... But when she told you about me at the outset, the very first morning after the day we got in town, both she and I assumed it was a hereditary mental affliction anyway, so... In a sense, nothing's changed."

"Well, you don't seem crazy. Just different."

"Thanks, I think," my other mother smiled, "but here's something I've been curious about: Have you... had any experiences like the Jedi mind trick? Or anything other than our shared experience?"

"No, I don't think so," I lied. "But, I'm probably too young, going by what you said about your mum, how she got worse and worse over time."

"Maybe. I gotta tell you though, I sort of suspect that part of the hold over Roxy is yours and just as unintentional."

"You think?"

"It might be why I can't break it."

"You can't? ... You said she's easily led, maybe that's all it is. What I mean to say is that maybe this is all her and neither one of us has any hold on her, intentional or otherwise."

"Possibly," she agreed thoughtfully. "Or, that aspect of her personality made her vulnerable to me. Or us."

"Could be."

"Well, I do know one thing."

"What's that?" I asked.

"We have to try it again."

" ... We- uhhh... are you sure that's a good idea? I mean we have no clue what we're messing with here and, like you taught me, there might be unintended consequences to that. Maybe bad ones."

"I'm very happy and proud to hear you've been listening to me, Son, but given our love for one another, I don't think we have anything to fear. Besides, nothing bad happened the last time."

"I suppose."

" ... Are you frightened by it?"

"(sigh) Truthfully? Yes. It's an unknown and what it represents scares me."

"You mean the insanity aspect, if it exists. That might have been just my mother, you know. Like you said."

"Might have been. It's not something I feel totally comfortable messing around with as long as we don't know that."

"Wouldn't you like to experience the wind again, though? The leaves in the trees?"

"Yes, but-"

"And besides, we can't go the rest of our lives with you afraid to look me in the eye, can we?"

"Aw, Mum, I'm not afraid to look you in the eye, it's just... I worry about us."

"I understand, sweetie pie, so do I. But that's one more reason we should do it again, if you see what I mean. We may get some answers about ourselves."

"This is true..."

"We could try it tonight. Like I mentioned, I do have to go out after we get back from Pitbull's place, but I won't be so late. I should be back home around one or two o'clock."

" ... Can we just wait and see how I feel about it then?"

"Sure. But I think you'll do it. I know you; when you're worried about something... You'll want to do it just for the sake of possibly getting answers. That and because you really loved those leaves. I even remember how you felt about it during the experience."

I didn't reply to this and she didn't push, instead moving to my side for a fresh area to harvest. We just crouched there with only the sound of the waves between us, picking the little shelled morsels off the sand with a contentment that I wouldn't have expected, considering the topic of conversation.

After a while, I assumed, "You're embracing it, aren't you?"

"Embracing what?"

"Well, you know. The Jedi mind trick."

"Hon, it's not a trick anymore than using my hand to pick up these periwinkles is a trick. It's me. To not embrace it would be like denying my very existence, and it's also her, since I'm a part of her."

" ... I've asked you this before and now I'd like to ask again... Who, or what are you?"

"I'm your mother, the woman you love."

"That's not what I mean."

"I know what you mean. Still, that's the best answer I can give you, the only thing I know for sure. There are things I've come to know about myself lately, bits of instinctual knowledge that are just there. For example, I know that she shapes me and I shape her."

"Except when she drinks. She knew about you to some degree and she knew drinking would bring you out, give you a stronger hand."

" ... Steven... Let me put it this way. Were it not for me, she would be a very different person than the one who raised you, the woman you knew and respected while you were growing up. She'd have been... softer. More predictable, I suppose, but nowhere near as quick minded and useful to herself and those she loves, like you. She'd have been weaker. Yes, she's known about me since she was a little older than you are now, after Dad's death and the family broke up, but it wasn't in the sense that she does now. She had to make efforts to curtail me in her younger day and Olivia- you remember I told you about her --she was largely responsible for that. But Olivia, like her, thought I was a mental affliction that worsened when she drank. Once Olivia got her off the booze and drugs for long enough, my influence was diminished, but my presence remained within her in my entirety. You might say that I became the representative of great passion within her. Granted, a little more so in the last few years, but nothing like I am now."

"Thanks to the booze."

"That and you."

" ... Me?"

"You needed me. You were scared when we got off that bus in King Square, as scared as she was, and you needed to know that your mother was as capable as she'd always been, the mother you knew and respected, not the person who was quaking in her heels beside you. You encouraged her to be strong for you, for us. She'd deliberated bringing me to the forefront all across the country, but you helped make up her mind that afternoon."

" ... What if you stopped drinking?"

"My influence over her thoughts and actions would be diminished, more and more so in time."

"But not completely."

"I'm not so sure of that anymore. That whole thing we went through back home did something to her. You saw it yourself."

"No offense, but if you're her passionate, aggressive side, it seems to me it did something to you. What happened?" I asked, hoping my statement wouldn't come across as an accusation, that the following question wouldn't make me sound as though I were demanding an explanation.

" ... I don't know. I know what you mean and it would seem that way, but I'm telling you... Look, I was there, but I was... It was like she had me duct taped to the wall. I'm not sure what happened, but my only guess is that she'd had a breakdown and, since she is so much a part of me like I am her, I was sidelined without... her. I don't know. All I can say for sure is that I was there the whole time and... disgusted with her. That time somebody threw a rock and hit you in the chest... If I were free..."

"I think I know what you're saying."

"Pretty confusing, isn't it?" she sighed.

"Yeah. I should tell you..."

"What?"

"I refer to you in my thoughts as 'my other mother'."

"Heh! Yeah, I suppose I'd seem that way... I'm just as much your mother, though. You know that, right? Even if my influence wasn't what it is today, I was always there and I always loved and cherished you like she did. And remember: She made a conscious decision to feed me and... step back. As it were."

"She knew you'd seduce me," I assumed.

"From my perspective, you seduced me," she replied, glancing at me with a smile. "But yes, she knew I'd become aggressive with you in that sense. Remember, it may have been me that first started thinking of you in that way, but she was influenced by it."

"So... you and she are separate from each other, but not. The same personality, but not," I voiced, more as a thought than a communication.

" ... Yeah," she agreed with a shrug. "Or separated aspects of the same personality. It's hard to look at that way, but..."

I got up again, carefully stepping between the periwinkles to crouch in a fresh area, she doing the same. We worked away silently for a minute, she no doubt thinking over the things we'd discussed like I was until she spoke again.

"Look... this conversation has been a little lopsided up to this point, don't you think?"

"How do you mean?"

"It's like I told you: We're different from other people. You too."

"Oh."

"It's one of the reasons we should fuck, because we are so different and we could never have that with anyone else. I think you should embrace that. Your true potential lies with... my other son," she finished with a funny smile. "And I must say that I'm curious about him. I see him in you at times, you know. Now that I can recognize him."

"I don't notice."

"You wouldn't. I never did when I was your age. ... I think we should start drinking together."

" ... What?"

"I know and I don't mean that exactly the way it sounds, but we are what we are and I don't see how it serves either of us to run from it. Ultimately, that attitude may lead to disaster."

"She and Olivia felt differently," I countered, somewhat nervous about this idea and less than happy about her having seen her other son. That was exactly the thing I was worried about, especially after my meeting with Audrey.

"That's because they didn't know what they were dealing with. Besides, I'm a lot different now that I'm older, beyond the impulsive, rash, wild behaviour of my youth and I believe a balance is possible. Maybe even necessary at this point in my life, if not yours. That's why I want us to take another little shared journey tonight."

"Mum... I know where you're coming from, and don't doubt that your point of view has merit in my mind, but when I think of your mother, the things you told me... It scares the crap outta me and I'm not crazy about going there."

"Nothing in life comes without risk, not even answers. I totally understand the value in playing it safe where possible, but there comes a time when you have to act to make it all pay off. Without that, there's no point in playing it safe or even playing at all. That said, I do understand your fears. My mother slowly became a very unsettling person to share a home with and don't think that fact and our heritage doesn't press on my mind, but... I don't think running from our selves is a viable option. Not now. Besides, sweetie pie, Mummy is here to help and guide you. You could think of me as..."

"My Jedi Master?"

"Ugh! Yes, but I hate that whole Star Wars analogy. It reminds me of my mother and I find it lame. It's probably the best one, though and I can't blame the psycho bitch for adopting it. Really, we'd just be sort of 'study buddies', if you get my drift. Explorers of self and one another."

I didn't want to respond to this. I could see how her aims would make it harder for me to keep my promise and I suspected that this was no accident on her part. This isn't to say that I didn't think she was sincere in the motivation she'd explained, that of educating ourselves to what we were for our own good, but I just couldn't have it.

"Mum... this is all a bit much. You've had time- years --to become adjusted to this, even if you didn't know the true nature of... you. I only just found out about our family legacy."

" ... You're right. I'm sorry, I won't push. But could you please at least keep it in mind? Think about it?"

"Yeah. Just try and stop me at this point. I'll be thinking of little else. You know what, though?"

"What?"

"It's a lot better talking to you about stuff than me," I confided with a smile.

She looked up and gave me a warm smile of her own in reply, this bringing an end to the conversation in favour of, "Let's take a little break from this. We'll hide the pail and take a walk over the rocks and do some exploring back there, hm?"

"Okay, that sounds like fun."

"Your other mother is lots of fun, isn't she?"

"Yeah. But I love you both, you know."

"Of course," she agreed, grabbing the pail and getting to her feet. "Let's go, sweetie pie. Watch your step."

"I will," I promised as we took each other's hand and carefully avoided the periwinkles on the sand while making our way to the rocks.

Part 3

The meal at Pitbull's house was just as fun as our day at the beach, the periwinkles every bit as delicious as Mum promised despite the unfortunate bits of sandy grit that came with them. Mum joked that it was good for the digestive tract. She also brought along a large bottle of rum and had apparently arranged for Cathy and Trina to be present, both of whom loved the seafood treat as well. I thought this was kind of odd, as Roxy didn't get to be there, but her reasoning became obvious after Pitbull moved his grandmother to her room for a nap, her single glass of rum and coke working with the great time she had to put her out for the rest of the visit.

The five of us all sat around the living room, Mum on the couch and now dressed in a loose, short black skirt, black stockings and a black top with an overly wide neckline that often fell from her shoulder. Trina and Cathy reclined on either side of her while Pitbull sat in an armchair in his usual street attire. Having subtly managed to avoid any large consumption of alcohol, I observed with a medium buzz in a folding lawn chair across from the couch and at a right angle to Pitbull. The coffee table occupied the space between, filled with plates that held empty periwinkle shells and toothpicks used to get the boiled creatures out of their shells with.

"All I'm saying," Mum insisted with a winning smile, "is that people who grew up with siblings have a better grasp on dealing with other people than an only child will. There's nothing wrong with being an only child and a lot of them tend to stand out, Steven being a good example, but it's unfortunate that he's missed out on some things."

"Okay," Pitbull spoke up, "I'm an only child, what did I miss out on?"

"Well, you play and fight with siblings differently than other kids. You're closer, you have that opportunity to learn that people are all alike in some ways and different in others. Plus, it makes you sharper."

"Like how?" Trina asked from her left, actually looking quite good in her worn hip huggers and oval necked, hot pink T-shirt.

"You get to interact on a deeper level," Mum replied, glancing down ever so briefly at the cleavage the young woman's respectable chest offered. "Take the classic staredown contest for example: An only child doesn't have the opportunity of rainy day practice. Know what I mean?"

"I'm awesome at staredown," Pitbull bragged.

"You're an exception, dear. I'm sure you could stare down an oncoming bus, and I'd expect it to stop, too," Mum told him with sincere humour, at least acting a bit buzzed if she wasn't for real.

He seemed to take this as a great compliment as Trina said, "Okay, I have a little brother and we used to play that game, but Cathy is an only child, so why don't we just put this to the test?"

"It wouldn't be fair," Mum disagreed while Cathy, a dirty blonde as opposed to her darker friend's dyed auburn, began to take more interest. "I'm older than you and I'm pretty good. I was the youngest of us kids, but I always won."

"I'm willing to chance it," Trina lightly slurred. "Cathy, you wanna?"

"Sure," she laughed a bit nervously, sitting forward in her short, gray denim skirt and dark blue baseball shirt, unbuttoned as far as possible to add allure to what appeared to be a small bust that matched her slim hips.

"You asked for it," Mum told them, winking at me after.

(heeere we go)

"Cathy first," Trina suggested, also sitting forward.

"Yeah," the blonde said, "'cause I'm the one you should be able to beat if your theory is true."

"Right," Pitbull agreed, "and if you can beat her, then Trina is the control match so we know you really are good."

"Very well," she easily agreed, still sitting back with her glass of rum and coke, crossing her legs and exposing the bottom of a black garter strap along her thigh. "You all know the rules: Direct eye contact, no looking away, talking or smiling."