All Comments on 'My Randy Cousin'

A good story, but it would have flowed better if it had been told by just one of the counsins. The changing of perspectives made it a bit disjointed.

Two view points just does not work for story flow. It is short enough, without the hassle of changing perspectives.

"...I filled her pussy with my hot sauce" is the worst line I've ever read.

I quit halfway through. You kept changing the POV and that was so distracting.

I didn't have trouble with the POV changing because there were two points. The action came about very quickly; I would have enjoyed some romance to flesh things out a bit. You experimented with the switch, time to move to another form. This was a decent story.

RS

The POV changing was distracting, but the central theme was good. I confess I almost clicked out, but I followed it. I gave it a 4.

Kind of difficult to understand why the double dialogue was used.

What I did to get around it was read only the guy's version, first, since the pov's were nicely separated, and then read the girl's pov. What you should do (in the future if you want to post more pov changing stories) is what many other on here do and write the full story from one perspective, and then submit another from the other's perspective. I realize that neither one of these povs are long enough to stand on their own, which is where story build up comes in.

KCCO

is to incorporate both POVs into the same storyline. To write as you do is essentially lazy, - a common beginner's problem - and ruins the story. Have a look at some of my stories to give you some ideas, if you're not sure how to do this.

Enjoyed it, very real and looking forward to part2.

I enjoyed the switching POV - like another commenter said, you can just choose to read one or the other. The way you've done it actually helps build the anticipation. Nice job!

the point of view change was distracting and not done well. there was no background to build the characters and make us want to see them together. it was way to rushed and should have been spread out more with more detail and better plot build up. this reads like a first draft not a postable story.

hate to dog pile but the story was not good what with very little background and no character development. the end and the lead up to the sex was really rushed anshould be spread out more. the double point of view was hard to follow as well and 40C tits on a 5' 7" woman makes her very chubby if not fat typical male writer doesn't know a thing about bra sizes.